Father Time!/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Father Time!" from Season 1, which aired on April 20, 2001.

Script[]

(The episode starts panning across a busy street of kids, until the camera stops at the Turner's backyard. Mr. and Mrs. Turner are exercising and Timmy is watching them from the window behind them)

Mr. Turner: (while doing jumping jacks) Come on honey, smile! Smiles make everything better!
Mrs. Turner: (while skipping rope) Chest... on... fire... can't... breathe!
Timmy: Man, it's an awesome day and I'm stuck in the house doing chores! If there was less stuff in here to clean I'd be done by now.
Cosmo: (poofs in with Wanda) I know, I know! You could melt some of it with heat vision!
Wanda: Or you could wish all the chores were done!
Timmy: That's a great idea, Wanda. I wish...
Cosmo: Or you could melt it with heat vision!
Timmy: Right, gotta go with the superpower, I wish I had heat vision! (Cosmo and Wanda make it so) Awesome! (blasts Cosmo's crown with heat vision)
Cosmo: Hey, that's not funny!

(Timmy melts Wanda's crown)

Cosmo: Now it's funny!

(Timmy laughs maniacally while he burns the entire room, then skips away)

Cosmo: Aw, see? Look how happy we've made him! (he and Wanda turn to ash)
Timmy: (burns toaster) Toaster's clean! (burns laundry) Laundry's done! (burns Mr. Turner's trophy) Dad's trophy dusted!
Mr. Turner: Smile! Aah! Trophy sense tingling, to the trophy case! (opens door and gasps) What happened here?
Timmy: Uh, I melted your trophy with heat vision?
Mr. Turner: Where did you get heat vision?
Timmy: Internet?
Cosmo: (as a photo frame with Wanda) Oh, he's good.
Mr. Turner: (picking up melted trophy) I won this trophy thirty years ago when I was your age, and you melted it! I'm so mad, I wish beams of heat could come out of my eyes right now!
Wanda: (pulls Cosmo down from making the wish) No no, ours is the one with the silly pink hat.
Mr. Turner: Go to your room and don't come out until you learn responsibility for other people's property, or welding skills, whatever comes first!

(the next scene shows Timmy bouncing on a trampoline in his room)

Timmy: Whoa, I've never seen Dad that mad before. All over a dumb trophy he won thirty years ago.
Wanda: (turning the trampoline back into Timmy's bed) Well it wasn't so dumb to him. Maybe you should apologize.

(Cosmo grabs Timmy's legs and swings him across the room)

Timmy: Yeah, I guess.
Cosmo: Or you could go back in time and stop your dad from winning the thing in the first place!
Timmy: Uh, what he said!
Cosmo: Alright! Two wishes for Cosmo and zip for Wanda! I'm on fire, baby! (blows his tongue at her)

(Wanda poofs up a time scooter)

Wanda: There you go. One magic time scooter to take you anywhere you want to go!
Timmy: (punching in 1970) Excellent!

(the clock on the scooter spins and Timmy is pulled back into a portal)

Timmy: Wow, the timestream! We're travelling thirty years into the past!
Wanda: Well, you know, you could have just wished yourself ten minutes into the past and stopped yourself from melting the trophy in the first place.
Timmy: I could have what?!

(they arrive in Dimmsdale park in 1970)

Timmy: Awesome, what a totally wicked trip!
Wanda: You mean groovy. What a totally far out trip. We're in the 1970's now!
Cosmo: But we were in the 1970's in the 1970's!

(Billy Gates poofs through a portal of his own on his own time scooter with the 1970's version of Cosmo and Wanda next to him)

Billy Gates: Groovy, we're back from the 1940's!
70's Wanda: And, like, best of all, Billy, you stopped your dad from winning that medal! Now you won't have the chance to, like, melt it with heat vision!
70's Cosmo: Like, I'm never gonna suggest heat vision again, man!
Cosmo: Oh yeah, I remember that now!
70's Wanda: (approaching the present Cosmo and Wanda) Whoa, check it out!
70's Cosmo: Wow, like, you're like us, but like...
Wanda: More mature and concerned about websites and the global warming!

(70's Cosmo and Wanda look at each other)

Timmy: Guys, I'm gonna go find my future dad!
Cosmo: Cool, we're gonna stay here and find ourselves!
Wanda: Hey, there we are! Let's dance!

(They all start dancing. Meanwhile, Timmy is looking around and finds young Mr. Turner doing jumping jacks on the sidewalk)

Young Mr. Turner: One two, one two, one two, one two...
Timmy: There he is! That's my dad as a kid! (runs to him) Hey, Dad!
Young Mr. Turner: Ha, well that's my nickname, stranger. My real name is... (a truck goes past and drowns out his voice) ...but everyone calls me Dad. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta finish training for the big race tomorrow! I'm gonna win and give the trophy to that groovy chick over there.

(the camera pans over to Mrs. Turner skipping rope)

Young Mrs. Turner: Chest... on... fire... can't... breathe...
Timmy: Wow, my mom as a kid.
Young Mr. Turner: (hearts float around him) Yeah, and she's got a beautiful name. It's... (truck goes by again) ...but everyone calls her Mom.
Timmy: Man, Dad's really determined. I gotta make him lose that race so he doesn't win that dumb trophy.

(the scene changes to 70's Cosmo and Wanda looking at a lava lamp and the current Cosmo and Wanda looking bored at it)

Cosmo: I hate lava lamps.
Wanda: I know, they're really boring.
70's Cosmo: Oh really? Like, what do you do for fun?

(Cosmo and Wanda look at each other before showing them a lava lamp on the monitor of a computer)

Cosmo: And you can download different lava!
Billy Gates: (riding past) Hey, that gives me an idea! Someday I'll link every computer in the world together! I'll call it... the internet!
Cosmo: That's silly, you should call it the Timmy!
Billy Gates: Duh, OK!
70's Wanda: Oh that Billy Gates with his crazy ideas!

(meanwhile Timmy and his future dad are inside a pizza joint)

Timmy: (shouting through a megaphone) Come on, pizza! Ice cream! Pizza! Ice cream!
Young Mr. Turner: You sure this is some futuristic training program?
Timmy: Of course, I'm a fitness instructor!
Young Mr. Turner: You're too young.
Timmy: No, actually, I'm forty. I just look ten. That's how fit I am! Now keep eating!

(in the next scene, Timmy is riding his scooter with Mr. Turner shuffling behind with cinder blocks tied to his feet)

Timmy: (through a megaphone) C'mon, 16 more miles and we're halfway done!

(later that night, Timmy and Mr. Turner are camping in the backyard in a tent, Mr. Turner is exhausted, and Timmy shines a flashlight in his face)

Timmy: Now it's time for scary stories from the future! In the future, there will be 500 TV channels.
Young Mr. Turner: Far out!
Timmy: ...but nothing to watch!
Young Mr. Turner: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (Even as the sun comes up, he's still screaming, and when he closes his eyes the alarm clock goes off) Oh my gosh, it's time for the race! (runs out the tent)

(at the finish line, a referee stands by holding the trophy and a crowd of kids are cheering beside him. 70's and current Cosmo and Wanda are disguised as birds perching on top of the finish line banner)

Cosmo: I love a good race!
70's Wanda: We think all races are good, man.
70's Cosmo: We don't judge!
Wanda: Oh look, here come the runners!

(all the runners go through the finish line except Mr. Turner who collapses in last place)

Timmy: (in the bushes) Alright, Dad didn't win the stupid trophy! Mission accomplished!
Wanda: I wonder how that'll affect the future?
Cosmo: Yeah, I'll bet...

(Cosmo and Wanda disappear through a portal)

Timmy: That can't be good!
Referee: And for coming in last place, you get an all-expenses paid mandatory twelve-year scholarship to dictator school!
Mr. Turner: What?!

(a van with the sign "Lil' Tyrant Dictator School" appears and two men grab Mr. Turner)

Timmy: Dad's never mentioned dictator school.

(Mr. Turner is locked in the back of the van as it drives away)

70's Cosmo: Hey little dude, you'd better get back to your own time and figure out what's going down!
70's Wanda: And we'll go too. Time isn't my master!
70's Cosmo: Right on!

(Timmy drives through the portal and 70's Cosmo and Wanda look at it in awe)

70's Cosmo & Wanda: Ooh. (they get sucked in)

(they all arrive in the present, which has turned into a gray-scale nightmare where everyone is forced to smile)

70's Wanda: Whoa, the future looks bleak!
Timmy: Aw man, I've changed the future!
Chester & A.J.: Halt!
70's Wanda: It's the man, man!
70's Cosmo: Fight the power!

(they poof away as Timmy hops off his scooter)

Timmy: Chester! A.J.! Boy, am I glad to see—
Chester: Welcome to Dimmsdale, the happiest place on the planet!
A.J.: Or else! Now show us your papers!
70's Cosmo: (disguised as a letterbox) Whoa man! The system's trying to take him prisoner!
70's Wanda: (disguised as a fire hydrant) We're all prisoners... on the inside!
70's Cosmo: (leans closer to her) I love you!
Timmy: Guys c'mon, it's me! Your best friend!
Chester: (shines a flashlight in Timmy's face) Silence! Our best friend is our cheerful leader: Dad! (points to a billboard with Mr. Turner's face on it)
Timmy: It's me! Timmy Turner! And that's my dad!
Chester: We are all dad's children!
Timmy: Aw man, Dad never met Mom because he never won the trophy. I don't exist anymore! And since I don't exist, Cosmo and Wanda aren't my godparents!
A.J.: (jumps at Timmy) Halt!
Chester: After him!

(Timmy jumps on to his scooter and drives away)

Timmy: I gotta find my dad and get him to fix this mess! (drives into the Turner household, which has turned into a fiery fortress, and rings the doorbell) Dad!
Mr. Turner: That's what they call me... or else! Come on in... or else! Who are you, son?
Timmy: I'm your son!
Mr. Turner: All people are my children; I rule the Earth! That's me graduating dictator college, and this is me taking over the world with smiles, and this is where I'd put a trophy... IF I HAD ONE! (composes himself) Sorry, lost the happy but the happy's back!
Timmy: Why are you so happy all the time?
Mr. Turner: Well, thirty years ago after losing both my trophy and the love of my life, I dove into denial, and as ruler I demand the world to do the same. That's why everyone smiles every waking moment!
Timmy: Or else?
Mr. Turner: Now you're getting it!
Timmy: But you can't be happy all the time!
Mr. Turner: Ha! Rebellion! That is so 70's. Guards! (snaps his fingers)

(two happy bodyguards, as well as Chester and A.J., surround Timmy)

70's Cosmo: (disguised as cockroaches along with Wanda) Psst, little freedom fighter!
70's Wanda: We'll get you out of here!

(they wave their wands and a lava lamp poof into Timmy's hands; he holds it up to distract the others)

Everyone: Ooh, the colors!

(Timmy jumps on his time scooter and enters the timestream along with 70's Cosmo and Wanda)

Timmy: C'mon, I gotta get back to the 70's and make sure my dad wins that race!
70's Cosmo: Uh, you following this?
70's Wanda: Well, I'm a leader, not a follower!

(They get to the time when Young Mr. Turner is screaming in the tent, and Timmy stops the alarm clock from ringing. He takes Mr. Turner's bag and disguises himself as his dad)

70's Wanda: Wow, you look just like your dad as a kid!
Timmy: That's the plan!
70's Cosmo: Oh, now he has a plan!

(Timmy joins the rest of the runners at the starting line)

Referee: On your mark, get set, go!
Timmy: (slowly runs) Oh man, I forgot I'm the slowest kid in my class! I'm gonna lose! Oh, I'm so mad I... (melts a runner's shoes) I still have heat vision!

(Timmy melts all the runners' shoes until he is the only one able to finish the race)

Referee: And the first prize is this amazing trophy! (gives it to Timmy)
Timmy: (to Mrs. Turner) Hi Mom, I'm Dad. Will you take this, go out with me, and marry me and someday have a boy with a silly pink hat?
Mrs. Turner: OK! I'll come by your house later!
Timmy: Groovy! If I'm asleep in my tent in the backyard, wake me up and tell me about the race with excruciating detail.
Mrs. Turner: OK! (walks away)
70's Cosmo: Way to go, little dude!

(present Cosmo and Wanda poof back)

Timmy: You're back, that means everything's back to normal!
70's Wanda: What is normal anyway?
70's and present Cosmo: I love you!

(Wanda looks annoyed at Cosmo)

Cosmo: And I always will!
Cosmos & Wandas: Awww!

(Wanda kisses Cosmo on the cheek)

Cosmo: Hey, it worked!
Timmy: Bye 70's Cosmo and Wanda, it's been...
70's Wanda: Outta sight?
Timmy: Whatever!
Cosmo: Well, it was nice meeting us!
70's Cosmo: Solid!
Wanda: If you're ever in the future...
70's Wanda: Oh, we will be!
Wanda: Oh, right!
Timmy: Now all I gotta do is apologize to my dad for melting his trophy!
Cosmo: You could just go forward in time enough to--
Everyone else: QUIET!!!

(present Cosmo and Wanda along with Timmy go back to their time, and the next scene shows Timmy nervously standing outside a door with Cosmo and Wanda floating beside him)

Wanda: Go on, Timmy, you can do it! Just go in and let your dad know you're sorry.

(Timmy opens the door and sees his father on the computer)

Timmy: Everything's still melted, which means the timestream's fixed. And I'm still in trouble, cool! (walks over to Mr. Turner) Dad, what'cha doing'?
Mr. Turner: Oh, trying to locate a new trophy off the Timmy Computer Network.
Timmy: Uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for melting your trophy. I didn't realize it was so important to you!
Mr. Turner: (ruffling Timmy's hair) Apology accepted, son! You know, I was pretty mad yesterday but for some reason now I'm just glad you exist! Y'know that whole race is such a blur to me, I barely remember it anyway!
Timmy: (laughs nervously) Yeah...
Mr. Turner: In fact, here! (gives Timmy the melted trophy) Give it to some girl you think is groovy. You never know what'll happen. (leaves the room)
Timmy: Yes, I do...

(a portal opens, and future Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda come through. Future Timmy grabs the trophy, throws it on the ground, hits it with a hologram hammer and melts it with heat vision)

Future Timmy: Stupid trophy!
Timmy: Hey!
Future Timmy: You'll thank me for this later! (leaves with future Cosmo and Wanda)
Timmy: Uh, I'm welcome?
Mrs. Turner: Oh, Internet! Breakfast is ready!

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#01 The Big Problem!	#02 Power Mad!	#03 Spaced Out
#04 Transparents!	#05 A Wish Too Far!	#06 Tiny Timmy!
#07 Father Time!	#08 Apartnership!	#09 Chin Up!
#10 Dog's Day Afternoon	#11 Dream Goat!	#12 The Same Game
	#13 Christmas Everyday!