Fairy Idol/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Fairy Idol" from Season 5, which aired on May 19, 2006.

Script[]

Part 1[]

[INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY On the mayor’s desk, we see a lamp.]

Norm: (voiceover) Lemme guess...

[INT. NORM’S LAMP - CONTINUOUS]

Norm: First time in a genie's lamp?

Mayor: Yes!

Norm: Well, sit back! Kick your shoes off! And learn a little bit about the wonderful world of Genies!’

Norm: Genies! You gotta love us! I mean... one...

Norm: (voiceover) We get a really cool hat!

Norm: (voiceover) And two? We can do anything, as long as we're doin' it for some idiot human what rubbed our lamp!

Norm: (voiceover) And it always goes the same way. Wish one, something stupid. Like a giant sandwich or something.

Norm: See, it's that sandwich wish that made us make this video.

Norm: (voiceover) Second wish? A big reality changer. Something that involves money and power...

Norm: (voiceover) Until it goes horribly awry, which leads to the third wish...

Persia Guy: I wish everything was back to the way it was before I met you!

[SFX: <<GONG!>>]

Norm: And then we get sucked back into the lamp! So before you make your second wish, think long and hard...

Mayor: I WISH I WAS MAYOR OF THE WORLD!

Norm: Of course you do! You're gonna need a different sash!

[SFX: <<GONG!>>]

Norm: Well, this should take about 12 minutes. What do I have on my "stuff to read during the big dumb second wish" shelf...

Norm: "Da Rules?" Where did I -

Cosmo: (re: Da Rules) There's no pictures in this!

Norm: (grunts as a book hits him) How to clean your wings... What to do when your wand makes the fart noise... What to do when a fairy quits? Hello...

Norm: (voiceover) "When a fairy godparent quits, the position of godparent can be filled by any magical creature"?!? All I need to do is get an idiot fairy to quit and I can use that to get out of this lamp forever!

Norm: And I know just the idiot fairies to use. But first...

Norm: Mayor of the world not working out the way you had hoped? (hands card to the mayor) Here. I wrote it out for you.

Mayor: I wish everything was back to the way it was before I met you... and that the lamp appeared next to Timmy Turner's best friend?

Norm: HAHAHA! THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET!

[SFX: <<GONG!>>]

Chester: I'm off to see A.J.! So we can go play-ay! Today, is the day, hey! To Play-Ay with...

A.J.: Hi Chester! Bye Chester!

Chester: Bye? Where... where are you going?

A.J.: I got accepted to the best college on Earth! I'm going to get my degree in every study known to man!

Chester: Noooooo!

A.J.: Relax! It's just college! I'll be done in two weeks! Why don't you see what Timmy's up to?

Chester: I've been trying all weekend…

Mrs. Turner: I'm sorry Chester, but Timmy can't fly kites with you until after he cleans the attic!

Mr. Turner: I'm sorry, Chester, but Timmy and I are spending the day together!

Mr. Turner: A little to the left, son.

Mr. Turner: There we go! (sniffle) These are the days we'll remember in our golden years...

Chester: Aw man... AJ's going to college and my best friend's never around when I need him! I wish there was something I could do!

[SFX: <<GONG!>>]

Chester: OW! What the... A lamp from the '70s?

Norm: Not just any lamp from the '70s... a MAGICAL lamp from the '70s! I am Norm! And you, my friend, get three wishes!

Chester: I wish...

Norm: AHP BAP BAP!

Chester: OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE A MIND READER!

Norm: No need to waste that first wish on something stupid, huh?

Norm: So, Tracks-Through-Teeth, whattya say we get some real wishin' done? How about...

Chester: I wish I could hang with my friend Timmy, but he's been so busy lately. Could you fix that?

Norm: Man! That is vague enough for me to totally use for my own evil needs! You stay right here!

Timmy: Covers.

Timmy: Floor.

Wanda: Uh, sport? How about a good morning!

Timmy: Hair. Clothes.

Cosmo: How great is this?

Wanda: It's NOT! Timmy, don't you think you should be using our powers for something other than things you're too lazy to do yourself?

Timmy: Answer.

Cosmo: No.

Timmy: Toilet.

Cosmo: YOU HEARD THE MAN!

Wanda: We're here to grant wishes, not be your slaves. We don't have to take this you know!

Norm: Hey there, Naggy McNaggynag and Colonel Brainless. What's shakin'?
Timmy: Flush. I said... (sees Norm) AAAGH! IT'S NORM! THE GENIE! HE'S RETURNED FROM MARS TO EXACT HIS MAGICAL REVENGE ON ME! (to Wanda) PROTECT ME!

Wanda: Wow! Two words. Now we're really communicating.

Cosmo: TIMMY DEFENSIVE MANEUVER K-88!

Cosmo: Huh? Oh! Sorry! I thought the "K" stood for carrot!

Norm: WHOA! HEY! Easy! I come in peace! And I brought a little something for each of you!

Wanda: A Hunky chocolate candy bar! (to Timmy) How is that our enemies are nicer to use than you are lately? (to Cosmo) I like to eat the brains, because models never use them!

Cosmo: Oh! Oh! What'd you bring me?

Cosmo: STRING! MY CURRENT FAVORITE!

Cosmo: THE FUN JUST NEVER STOPS!

Timmy: What about me, Norm? Ya got anything for me?

Norm: What I have for you, is a proposition.

Norm: Look, here's the thing. You can't tell anybody but... I got a new master, right?

Timmy: CHESTER?!?

Norm: What are the odds! Now, he was tellin' me he wanted to use his first wish to do cool stuff with you.

Timmy: Yeah?

Norm: Like cheatin' on competitions together...

Timmy: Yeah?!?

Norm: Gettin' girls to fall in love with you guys! Girls like Trixie Tang...

Timmy: Eh. I'm sort of done with her.

Norm: And printing your own money!

Timmy: Counterfeiting? That's totally against "Da Rules!" I dunno... I don't trust you.

Norm: And I like that about you! But you trust Chester, right?

Timmy: You bet! He's my best friend!

Norm: Well, there you go! So I whipped this little baby up to cover for you with THEM...

Wanda: (voiceover) THE ANKLES ARE FILLED WITH MARSHMALLOW!

Cosmo: (voiceover) WEEE HEE HEE! OH NO! IT BROKE!

Norm: And get you outta school! TA DA!

Timmy: A clone? Been there. Done that.

Norm: Not like this. Watch! (to clone) What are the answers to today's pop quiz?

Timmy Clone: D. All of the above. Lincolnwood, Illinois. The South Pole.

Timmy: That's awesome!

Norm: Now get out of here, ya crazy scamp! You have a day of adventuring ahead of ya!

Norm: And you? You know what to do.

Timmy Clone: Yes, master...

Norm: HAHAHA! MASTER! I LOVE THAT!

Norm: Ah, the time between wishes. That magical time when a Genie can kick back, relax...

Norm: And watch his evil plan unfold...

Chester and Timmy: YAY! WOO HOO! YAY!

Cosmo: Must... retain... joy... of being... a godparent...

Timmy Clone: FASTER!

Cosmo: (as a bowling ball) Uh, Timmy? Could you use a regular ball?

Wanda: (as bowling pins) With regular pins?

Timmy Clone: No! Regular balls and pins don't scream when you get a strike!

Cosmo: Ah!

Wanda: (as bowling pins) Ah! (ten different pins) Ow! OW OW! Ow! OW! OWW! OW! OW!

Timmy and Chester: Oh! Ah! OH!

Timmy and Chester: Wooooo!

Timmy Clone: One million eight... One million nine... One million...

Cosmo and Wanda: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

Timmy Clone: Oh, man! All your screaming made me lose track! Now I have to start over!

Timmy Clone: One! Two! Three! Four...

Cosmo and Wanda: OW! OW! OW! OW!

Timmy: Man! What a great day!

Chester: You bet, pal of mine! Same deal tomorrow?

Timmy: Wouldn't miss it for the world!

Timmy: I wonder what Cosmo and Wanda have been doing? I'll bet without me, they had a nice, relaxing day at home...

Timmy Clone: This is getting boring...

Cosmo and Wanda: (sighs in relief)

Timmy Clone: I wish Cosmo was the paddle and WANDA was the ball!

Cosmo: YAY!

Wanda: THAT'S IT!

Wanda: We put up with a lot of your selfishness because we love you and we're friends, but if you're going to just order us around, all bets are off!

Cosmo: Yeah! What she said! Whatever it is she said!

[SFX: <<TEA WHISTLE>>]

Wanda: I said Timmy needs to stop being so thoughtless and cruel! Well? Don't you have anything to say?

Timmy Clone: BLECH! This tea tastes like stupid green fish and fat pink fish!

Cosmo and Wanda: WHAT?!?!

Cosmo: NOBODY CALLS WANDA FAT EXCEPT MY MOTHER, AND ME THAT ONE TIME AND I'LL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!

Wanda: NOBODY CALLS COSMO STUPID EXCEPT ME, JORGEN, AND, WELL, EVERYBODY! BUT IT'S STILL NOT NICE!

Timmy: Uh oh... that doesn't sound good.

Cosmo and Wanda: WE QUIT!

Timmy: OH NO! What did my clone do?!

Wanda: Goodbye forever, you ungrateful twerp!

Timmy: What have you done?

Norm: Anybody else here have an evil plan go super great today? No? Just me?

Timmy: You made my godparents quit! Why would you do that?

Norm: Isn't it obvious? With those two no longer Fairy Godparents, that job is now open to anyone! Including me! All the power of a genie... all the freedom of a fairy! How great will that be? For me?

Timmy: You'll never get away with this!

Norm: Sure I will! Because according to "Da Rules," in about four seconds, Jorgen's gonna wipe your memory!

[SFX: <<MUSIC UP: FLIGHT OF THE VALKERIES>>]

Jorgen: (Voiceover) TIMMY TURNER! YOU HAVE LOST YOUR FAIRY GODPARENTS!

Timmy: AH!

Norm: Get him out of there, willya? I gotta meet Railroad McBraceface back at the single wide.

Jorgen: Your godparents have quit! Which means you lose EVERYTHING! (to Binky off-screen) Binky! I need more ominous music! Play track seven!

[SFX: <<HAPPY CLOWN MUSIC>>]

Jorgen: (voiceover) I SAID TRACK SEVEN!

Binky: Sorry! Sorry!

[SFX: <<OMINOUS MUSIC>>]

Jorgen: According to "Da Rules" and "Da Very Ominous Music," you must forget you ever had fairy godparents!

Jorgen: ...and now, it is time you lose every single magical item you have ever come in contact with!

Timmy: Sweet! I still have my memory! BUT COSMO AND WANDA ARE GONE!

Fairy Newscaster: (voiceover) Hang on to your crowns, folks!

Fairy Newscaster: (voiceover) In a stunning development that has never happened before, a pair of Fairies have quit their jobs as Fairy Godparents!

Fairy Newscaster: When asked what their plans were now that they've quit being Fairy Godparents, they had this to say:

Cosmo: Are we on TV? (looks at Wanda) Wow. The camera does add ten pounds!

Wanda: We didn't want to quit being Fairy Godparents! We just wanted to quit being TIMMY'S Godparents!

Jorgen: Tough Toenails! Quit one, you quit both! And now, we must pick a new fairy godparent!

Fairy Reporter: Mr. Von Strangle! Mr. Von Strangle! How will you fill this vacancy?

Jorgen: With a super funtabulous singing contest that is now open to any magical, wish-granting creature in the known universes!

Norm: (singing in a great voice) ME ME ME ME ME! (back to) That's who's going to win, and then be free of this lamp forever. HA HAHA! Now all I need is a distraction for my "master."

Norm: "Worst baseball player ever? Banned from the majors?" That explains the interesting choice in living arrangements...

Chester: Man, that was the greatest day ever!

Norm: Yeah, it was, wasn't it? For you and Timmy...

Norm: Too bad you can't do anything for your Dad!

Chester: But I can! What if instead of him being the worst baseball player ever, I wished he was the best?

Norm: And that I was free to go to Fairy World for a week while you lived your new life?

Chester: Whatever that means! Sure!

Norm: Okay! But just remember! It was your idea!

Chester: Man! This is great!

Norm: And it's about to get greater! See ya in a week!

Bucky: (voiceover) Hey son! Somebody left this bag outside our house!

Chester: AWESOME!

Timmy: Aw man! I've got to get to Fairy World and there's only one way to do that!

Mr. Crocker: Finally! My super secret portal to Fairy World is complete! I can finally get back to Fairy World and exact my revenge on those fairies!

Mr. Crocker: Neat! A can! I wonder what kind of soup it is?

Mr. Crocker: ...it's sleepy soup...

Timmy: "Fairy Hunting Stuff..." I could probably use this...

Timmy: Man, this stuff's heavy! No wonder he has a hunched back!

Timmy: I made it! Now, to find Cosmo and Wanda!

Jorgen: (voiceover) Let the super funtabulous contest to see who will replace Cosmo and Wanda... begin!

Timmy: Oh, no way.

Part 2[]

Guard #3: You just pipe down and enjoy the show. As soon as this show's over, You're going to go have a violent chat with Jorgen.
Wanda: Timmy, we’re not your fairies anymore.
Timmy: But I said I was sorry. You accepted my apology, you each ate a cookie.
Cosmo: Actually I had two. They were sorry-tastic.
Wanda: But we quit. We can’t grant you wishes anymore. All we can do is bring you home.
Cosmo: Want us to walk you home Timmy? Before we say goodbye forever?
Timmy: Yeah. Can we take the long way?
Chester: Not yet! You lied to me, tricked me, and used me to hurt my best friend! Nobody makes a fool of Chester McBadbat except the school system, the government, and every girl I’ve met!
Chester: And I have just one genie wish left: the one where you forcefully get sucked back into the lamp. I wish everything was back the way it was before I found this stupid lamp!
Norm: Aw fez despenser.
Norm: This isn’t over, Turner!
Timmy: Hat, clothes, shoes (looks down at his feet) whatever.

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