|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|"Fairy Fairy Quite Contrary"|
|Airdate:||September 13, 2002|
(The episode starts with the camera panning over to a Crash Nebula movie sign as a bird perches on the shoulder. There are several tents lined up outside the entrance of the movies where Crash Nebula: The Movie is premiering)
- Timmy: Oh boy, (looks down at his Cosmo and Wanda watch) two more minutes and I'll have the very first tickets to the Crash Nebula movie!
- AJ: (looking out his tent) Is it time? Did we succeed?
(AJ and Chester come out their tent)
- Timmy: Yes, my friends! Behold, after successfully camping out all night, we all make history as the first kids to see Crash Nebula the movie!
- Remy: After me!
- Timmy: Hey, who the heck are you?
(Remy points to the sky and an airplane skywriting the words:)
- Timmy: "Remy Buxaplenty, richer than you will ever hope to be." I don't care how rich you are, we were here first!
(The ticket booth opens)
- Remy: Huh, finally. (snaps fingers and two butlers lean down for him to climb on) Tickets please.
- Ticket booth: How many?
- Remy: (shows wad of cash) All of them! (kids cheer behind him) Oh please, they're not for you unseemly urchins. I need the extra seats for my piles of money!
(the next scene shows Timmy down at the arcade, playing within a game using Cosmo and Wanda as guns)
- Cosmo: You're kicking virtual butt in this video game!
- Timmy: And if I get the high score, I'll finally get my name on the bathroom door! (fantasizes his name on a plaque on the bathroom door and shakes the hand of the arcade worker)
(Timmy gets shot by Remy and loses all his points)
- Remy: I win! (blows gold gun)
(Timmy takes off his helmet and watches Remy get the plaque and handshake instead. Later that evening, Timmy is back at his house in his room)
- Timmy: Something's fishy.
- Cosmo: (turning into them) Trout? Catfish? Sea monkey?
- Timmy: How can that Remy kid be better than me at...
- Wanda: Everything?
- Timmy: Yeah, and he's everywhere!
- Wanda: I know one special place you can go where he can never ever be! (waves her wand)
(scene changes to Timmy as Cleft the boy chin Wonder in a Crimson Chin comic book)
- Timmy: Ah, just what I needed. Some good old-fashioned superhero bashing-evil action! The Golden Gut! (watches Crimson Chin get hit off a building) Activate utility cleft! (swings towards Crimson Chin) Don't worry, CC, I'll...
- Remy: I'll save you! (saves Crimson Chin in a Cleft costume)
- Crimson Chin: Way to go, Cleft, rich boy chin wonder!
(Timmy falls to the ground. In the next scene, Timmy goes to the entrance gate of Remy's mansion with Cosmo and Wanda disguised as birds)
- Timmy: Alright, let's see how the richer half lives!
(Cosmo and Wanda turn into spy gear and look into the Buxaplenty's house)
- Mr. Buxaplenty: Uh, eh, uh...
- Mrs. Buxaplenty: Son!
- Mr. Buxaplenty: Oh right, right. Son. It certainly was thrilling spending our daily two minutes with you.
(Remy holds his arms out for a hug)
- Mrs. Buxaplenty: Well, time is money.
- Mr. Buxaplenty: Money?! Where? (runs away)
- Mrs. Buxaplenty: (pats Remy's head) Have a nice time with your oddly colored ferret, son.
- Timmy: I think I know how Remy's pulling all this stuff off! (sees Juandissimo's crown) Remy Buxaplenty has a fairy godparent!
(Cosmo and Wanda whistle innocently until Timmy stares them down. Cosmo turns into a clam and shuts himself while Wanda reads a "hush" magazine upside down)
- Timmy: You knew?!
- Wanda: Sorry, Timmy. It's in the rules. We can't tell you about other kids with fairy godparents. You have to figure it out on your own.
- Timmy: Do you know this fairy?
- Wanda: No no no, uh, not at all. Nope. No idea. Clueless!
- Timmy: You know him!
- Wanda: (sweating) Uh uh!
- Timmy: I wish you'd tell!
- Wanda: Oh darn it! His name is Juandissimo Magnifico! He's my ex-boyfriend! (smiles to Cosmo who looks annoyed at her)
- Remy: (looking through a telescope) So, Turner has godparents too. Why didn't' you tell me?
- Juandissimo: (turns into a fairy) It is not permitted! It is in the rules! (El Rules poofs up) And I am a fairy of principles! And principles, much like my biceps, are muy bonito! (speaks Spanish until his shirt rips off)
- Remy: If Turner has godparents, he could wish he was richer than me! I wish his godparents are gone!
- Juandissimo: I cannot! Fairies cannot be wished away by other fairies, for that way life's madness and madness is muy malo! Godparents can only be wished away by their god-kid, or (poofs up rules of the duel) in a magical duel.
- Remy: Godparent against godparent... winner keeps his fairies... loser, and by loser I mean Turner, forgets he ever had them! (laughs)
(the scene cuts to Timmy being invited inside the house by Remy's butler, and Timmy approaches Remy)
- Remy: Turner.
- Timmy: Buxaplenty.
- Remy: Let's cut to the chase, shall we? You know I have a fairy godparent, (Juandissimo poofs in next to him) I know you have fairy godparents!
(Cosmo and Wanda poof in. Juandissimo's eyes turn to hearts as he sees Wanda and runs up to them and kisses a hand)
- Juandissimo: Wanda, my sweet! (kisses hand) I have missed you as the sun misses the dawn! (kisses hand)
- Wanda: Well, that's all very flattering...
- Cosmo: (swats Juandissimo away) But that's my hand, pal! And guess what, I don't need magic to turn it into a fist! (tries to make a fist but fails, then Juandissimo turns him into a turtle) When I get my wand, ohhh you are in for it! Grr!! (walks slowly towards his wand)
- Juandissimo: Did you see how he almost turned his hand into a fist?! I am lucky to be alive!
- Remy: So, how much will it take for you to wish away your fairy godparents, hm?
- Timmy: You know what stinks about you, Remy? You're rich, you have godparents and you're still miserable!
- Remy: What?! You think you're happier than me?!
- Timmy: Dude, I know I'm happier than you and I've got better godparents! (Wanda floats proudly above him while holding an angry looking Cosmo turtle)
- Juandissimo: We shall see about that, little monkey! (to Remy) Call it!
- Remy: I call magical duel!
(scene changes to an arena with Jorgen Von Strangle as their judge)
- Crowd: Duel! Duel! Duel! Duel!
- Jorgen: Puny fairies and gentlemen, prepare for magical battle! These are the rules; winner takes all, loser won't recall. Best two out of three wins!
- Timmy: What?! If I lose, I lose you forever?!
- Wanda: So there's absolutely no pressure!
- Juandissimo: (holds Wanda's hands) Your voice is a chorus... (pulls her towards him uncomfortably) like a thousand angels!
(Cosmo poofs in between them, Wanda looks happy while Juandissimo looks annoyed)
- Cosmo: Yeah well my foot is gonna feel like a thousand... (Juandissimo turns him into a turtle again) Revenge! Revenge!! (walks slowly towards his wand)
- Jorgen: Challenge one: godparents must be able to rescue their kids from any danger. In this case, a giant ape!
(a large ape appears and grabs Remy)
- Juandissimo: (while his shirt rips off) Have no fear, Juandissimo is here! (avoids barrels being thrown at him by the ape) There is only one way to soothe a savage beast! (changes into Flamenco dancer gear)
- Wanda: You're going to sing?
- Juandissimo: I must! It is who I am, it is the magic of my soul! (plays guitar at the ape to make him dance but doesn't put down Remy, and Jorgen's hourglass runs out of sand)
- Jorgen: The handsome fairy has failed to rescue his godchild.
(the crowd boos Juandissimo)
- But he is still very sexy!
(the crowd cheers him)
- Juandissimo: This, I can live with!
(Remy is replaced with Timmy in the giant ape's hand and Timmy screams)
- Timmy: Ah, make it stop!
- Wanda: We've gotta help Timmy! (turns Cosmo back into a fairy)
- Cosmo: Hmm, I need some thinking food!
(Cosmo poofs up a bunch of bananas to eat until the ape swaps it with Timmy)
- Wanda: Good job, honey, distracting that ape!
- Cosmo: Huh? (looks at Timmy and drops him) Hey! That monkey ate my banana!
- Jorgen: The puny fairy has rescued his godchild. Timmy Turner and his fairies win round one! Challenge two: the godparents must help the godchild by distracting a human adult so they don't see them magically douse this fire! Now!
- Timmy: Hey, look at me! Hey look, a UFO! Hey mister, wanna see card tricks? (drops his cards into the fire and makes it bigger. The adult claps)
- Timmy: Uh oh.
- Jorgen: This is pathetic. We will end with before you burn Fairy World down to the ground. Next child! (snaps his fingers and replaces Timmy with Remy)
- Remy: Look, money! (waves a wad of cash in the air and throws it, distracting the adult while Juandissimo pours water on the fire)
- Jorgen: Round two to Remy Buxaplenty!
- Timmy: Look, we can call all this a draw right now! I don't care if you have a godparent, Remy.
- Remy: But I care if you do! My parents are never home, I never get to see them. Why should you get real parents and godparents that love you when I don't?!
- Jorgen: It is time for the tie breaker! Each child will describe an imaginary animal and the godparents will turn him into that animal. The godchild who is the most fantastic animal will win!
- Timmy: I wish I was a crab... with two heads! (he's turned into it) Ta-DA?
- Crowd: Yawn!
- Remy: Yeah, gonna be hard to beat that. But just in case, I've got something better than imagination: highly paid consultants! (calls on his cellphone) Uh-huh, yeah... horns of a goat... body of an antelope... head of a jackal-ope... alright!
- Timmy: Juandissimo's gonna turn Remy into an amazing animal! (turns around to his second head) Guys, do something!
- Wanda: If only there was some way to distract him!
- Cosmo: Oh, oh I know! (poofs next to Juandissimo) Hey, Muscles Magoo! (changes himself to look like him) Look at me! I'm fancy and my long black hair flows in the wind!
- Juandissimo: Stop making fun of my outer beauty! (shirt rips off and another is popped back on)
- Jorgen: Ten seconds left!
- Remy: Juandissimo, don't let him distract you!
- Cosmo: I'm strong but I still lost my woman to an idiot!
- Jorgen: Five... four...
- Remy: Hurry up!
- Cosmo: (makes his torso morbidly obese) Chunky hunky!
- Juandissimo: Stop!
- Cosmo: (changes his head into a monkey) Monkey chunky hunky!
- Juandissimo: I cannot concentrate!
- Jorgen: Three... two...
- Remy: NO!
(in a fit of rage, Juandissimo throws his wand towards Remy but misses and hits Timmy on his head, changing him into a fantastic animal)
- Crowd: Ooh! (cheers)
- Remy: Ha, the most amazing animal ever! I win!
- Wanda: Actually, the challenge was the child that turns into the most fantastic animal wins!
- Jorgen: She is right. Timmy Turner gets to keep his godparents, while you lose yours.
(Remy looks sad)
- Juandissimo: Adios, Remy Buxaplenty. We will not meet again. (his shirt rips before him and Remy are transported away)
- Wanda: Timmy, what's wrong?
- Timmy: I feel sorta sorry for Remy. I wish I could help him.
- Cosmo and Wanda: We can do that!
- Timmy: I wish Remy's parents had more time to spend with him!
(Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands and Remy's parent's boat is crashed on a deserted island)
- Remy: Well, we could be here a while.
- Mr. Buxaplenty: I'll count the money.
- Mrs. Buxaplenty: And I'll count the money!
- Remy: And I'll find us something to eat!
- Mr. Buxaplenty: (patting his head) Great idea, Liam.
- Remy: Remy, but it's a start! (trips into the bushes and finds a purple turtle) Why, hello there, little fella. You look familiar, like a long lost friend or something. Oh well. (holds him above his head) Who wants turtle soup?
- Juandissimo: (as the turtle) No! I am too sexy to eat!
- LEAVE MY EDITS ALONE.