Fairy Con/Transcript

Episode	Trivia	Appearances	Gallery	Transcript

The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Fairy Con"
Season	10
Episode	163A
Airdate	June 28, 2017
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Fairy Con" from Season 10, which aired on June 28, 2017.

Script

[Fade in on the Turners' house]

• Timmy: Ahh, alone at last. Just me and a bowl of the most sugary cereal on Earth. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment.
• Chloe: Timmy! [Timmy's cereal bowl lands on his head] I just got my invitation to my very first Fairy Con! It's an annual celebration of fairies and their fairy godkids!
• Timmy: [annoyedly] I know what it is. I go every year.
• Wanda: Hey, Chloe! You excited about your first Fairy Con? Wait! [poofs up earmuffs on Cosmo and herself]
• Chloe: I am so totally thrilled! It's like a dream come true! [her shouting blows the fairies into a wall]
• Wanda: I'm glad you're excited. Me, not so much. I'm already getting shirtless selfies from my not so secret admirer, Juandissimo.
• Cosmo: I've got admirers too, Wanda. In fact, I've been asked to speak on my very first panel! [showing a brochure] Check out my headshot in the Fairy Con brochure!
• Timmy: Uh, you're facing the wrong way, Cosmo.
• Cosmo: Exactly! It's in keeping with the theme of my panel: Worst Fairy Godparent Ever! I have a reputation to live down to, Timmy.
• Wanda: [as the refrigerator shakes] What's up with the refrigerator, sport? It's been rattling like that for weeks.

[Mr. Crocker is in the fridge and has an earpiece connected to a device on the inside]

• Mr. Crocker: It's been a brutal couple of weeks for me—between the unrelenting cold and the wad of rotting meatloaf swaddled in a burial shroud of tinfoil—but it was all worth it, now that I know about Fairy Con! [shivers] I'll sneak inside and catch every fairy in Fairy World! [shivers]
• Mr. Turner: Hi, Timmy! Hi, Chloe! Hi, weird kids with wings! Time to fix the fridge! And by "fix it", I mean weld it shut and drag it down the street behind my car!

[Crocker screams as Mr. Turner uses a blowtorch on the fridge]

• Mr. Turner: Ooh! I forgot an important step. First, I have to beat it vigorously with a baseball bat! [does so, then hooks a chain to the fridge and runs off]
• Timmy: Well, that happened and I'm still hungry.

[The fridge is dragged onto the streets by Mr. Turner in his car]

• Mr. Turner: I'm gonna keep dragging this refrigerator until it stops making terrified screaming sounds.

[The car rounds a corner and the fridge swings around a tree, making the chain break. The fridge opens and Crocker flies out screaming into a window on his house, tumbles down a staircase, and lands in the Crocker Cave]

• Crocker: This is the most exciting day of my life, Girlfriend! And who better to share it with than my cross-eyed hairless cat?

[Girlfriend meows]

• Crocker: Anyhoo, if I'm gonna sneak into Fairy Con, I'm gonna need to get me some fake fairies!

[Girlfriend meows]

• Crocker: You really get me! And where will I get fake fairies? I'm glad you asked! I just need some DNA, which is easy-peasy, 'cause I've been collecting hair samples from strangers since I was a tot! [looking at vials of hair] All right—blonde... brunette... Let's see... the hundreds of women who have rejected me... Kenny G, the undisputed king of smooth jazz...

[Girlfriend meows]

• Crocker: He is too! Ah! Here we go! Timmy Turner's fairies!

[Crocker grabs locks of the fairies' hair. He laughs and takes Girlfriend out of a machine resembling a microwave, and she leaves dandruff behind]

• Crocker: [doing the following] Now to put these hairs in my off-brand cloning machine, flip the switch, and hope to high heaven we're not incinerated!
• Computer: Commencing cloning. Using components: fairy DNA and hairless cat dandruff.
• Crocker: Gah! Wait! What?

[The machine explodes. Crocker sees catlike clones of Cosmo and Wanda]

• Wonky Cosmo and Wanda: Meow!
• Crocker: [gasps] This went way better than I expected! [the clones tear up his pant legs] Now that I have these wonky fairies, I'll seal the deal with a clever disguise that will allow me to blend in as a super hip and happening fairy godkid!

[Crocker changes his clothes behind a room divider. He steps out now wearing a Buster Brown suit and holding a big lollipop]

• Crocker: I'm so cutting-edge. Wonkies, hop in the basket of my penny-farthing [as the clones do so] and let's bag us some fairies!
• Wonky Cosmo and Wanda: [as Crocker rides the bike away] Meow!

[The bike crashes offscreen]

• Crocker: Gah! I broke my lollipop!

[Fade to Fairy Con. A bus pulls up and cheering fairies and kids get off]

• Chloe: [as she, Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda get off] First, I'm gonna get my magic swag bag. No, first, I'm gonna get Cupid's autograph. No, first, I'm gonna meet Mother Nature and tell her how much I love her work! Ooh! I don't know what to do first!
• Timmy: How 'bout first you stop screaming in my ear?!
• Juandissimo: [appears in front of Wanda] Bonita Wandita, I camped out all night waiting for you! I even pitched a tent. Keeping with the camping theme, I long to toast my marshmallows of passion over the fire of our love! [his shirt rips off multiple times]
• Wanda: Throw a bucket of cold water on that campfire, Juandissimo, because I'm with Cosmo. [beat] Cosmo?
• Cosmo: [to a group of fairies] One time, Timmy wished for a birthday bash. Instead, I gave him a birthday rash, and he had to be air-lifted to the hospital. That's the wish that put me on the bad-fairy map!

[The group of fairies cheers. Everyone heads toward the Fairy Con entrance. Crocker and the clones fall off the bottom of the bus]

• Crocker: Can you believe we were lucky enough to be run over by the Fairy Con bus? I'm on a roll! [tying balloons around the clones] Now steal me a ticket, my little wonkies!

[The wonky Cosmo floats toward Chloe and takes a ticket out of her open backpack. The clones return to Crocker]

• Wonky Wanda: Meow! [holds up a mouse]
• Crocker: Okay, I'm pretty sure that's a stunned mouse.
• Wonky Cosmo: [holding up the ticket and a tissue] Meow!
• Crocker: And you have what appears to be a used tissue and and a ticket! Yay!

[Cut to the Fairy Con entrance. Cosmo gives a security guard a bunch of tickets and he and his crowd fly through the gate. Juandissimo gives the guard two tickets while Wanda beats him with a purse. Timmy gives the guard his ticket and walks through the gate]

• Security Guard #1: [to Chloe] Ticket, please.
• Chloe: [reaching into her backpack] Here you go. W... Wait. Where's my ticket? I can't find my ticket!

[Crocker gives another guard Chloe's ticket]

• Security Guard #2: Go on in... kid?
• Crocker: You mean fairy godkid! Which is what I am, with my fairies! [running through the gate and holding the clones] Who were not manufactured in an off-brand cloning machine.

[Cut to Fairy Con]

• Tooth Fairy: [floating beside two bowls of candy] Look at all that candy, kids! Just look at it!
• Timmy: But won't all the candy rot our teeth?
• Tooth Fairy: Well, duh. If your teeth don't fall out, I'm outta business.

[The Tooth Fairy tosses the candy in one bowl, which Timmy catches in his mouth and eats]

• Timmy: Unicorn rides, fairy flight simulator, and autographs from Mother Nature and Magic Johnson! I don't know what to do first! I'm all sweaty and I sound like Chloe! Where is Chloe?

[Cut to the entrance]

• Chloe: [chuckles nervously] You don't understand, my good sir. I had a ticket. I'm supposed to be inside! You can ask my friend Timmy!
• Security Guard #1: Yeah, I had a friend named Timmy, too, but now we both got nothin'.
• Chloe: You're making me sad! [crying] Stop talking and let me in!

[Cut to Crocker]

• Crocker: Okay, wonkies, tuck in those freaky little tails of yours and blend in and stay cool like me. [in the faces of two fairies] Fairies! Sorry. As I was saying— [tackling a group of fairies] Fairies, fairies, fairies! Sorry, sorry, sorry. Anyhoo, time to use my Crocker Pot so I can capture all the fairies, fairies, fairies, fairies, fairies! [dives into a pool] Played it cool.

[Cut to Crocker walking past Mother Nature's stage]

• Mother Nature: Spin the magic weather wheel and experience the wonders of Mother Nature.

[A kid spins the wheel and it stops at a picture of a tornado. The kid screams as a tornado picks him up]

• Timmy: [walking up to the clones] Wanda, Cosmo, Have you seen Chloe— Whoa-e! What happened to you guys?
• Wonky Cosmo and Wanda: Meow!
• Timmy: I know something is very wrong here, and I'll start to care right after I dunk this basketball!

[Cut to a big screen showing Timmy making a slam dunk. Chloe walks toward the entrance gate, disguised as a shrub]

• Security Guard #2: [zips in front of Chloe] Welcome to Fairy Con. No bushes allowed.
• Chloe: I'm technically a shrub! [walks away]

[Cut to later]

• Chloe: [offscreen, in an accent] Uh... special delivery for anyone having fun inside Fairy Con!

[A box labeled "fragile" hits security guard #2 on the head]

• Security Guard #2: [to security guard #1] I'll take it in. You keep an eye out for the bush.
• Chloe: [in the box] My plan is working. I'm getting away with it!

[The guard kicks the box away and Chloe tumbles out]

• Chloe: Chloe Carmichael, any normal person would give up right now, but you are not normal! Time to sing the "Never Quit" song!
  ♪ Never quit! Never quit! ♪
  ♪ Even when the hard times hit! ♪
  ♪ Always fight and do not submit ♪
  ♪ Even when everything goes to— ♪
  [seeing Crocker on a blimp screen] Mr. Crocker? [as the screen shows the clones floating with the balloons] I don't know what he's up to, but from the look of things, it's super weird. I know what to do! [zips away]

[Cut to Chloe using balloons to fly over a sleeping guard and into Fairy Con. Cut to Wanda trying to keep Juandissimo from kissing her]

• Wanda: I told you no kissimo! Now, if you'll excuse me, my husband's on a panel for being totally inept, [floating into a restroom] and I have to go fix my face!
• Juandissimo: [as the wonky Wanda floats out of the restroom] Holy guacamole, Wanda! You did the opposite of fix your face. You broke it!
• Wonky Wanda: [holding up a mouse] Meow!
• Juandissimo: ¡Adiós! [zips away]

[Cut to a utility closet]

• Crocker: Now to hook my Crocker Pot to the ventilation system and suck up all the fairies! Oh, look how far I've come. [putting a hose on the Crocker Pot on a vent] Just a few hours ago, I was being dragged behind a car in a welded refrigerator crying frozen tears!

[Timmy hears Crocker from outside the room]

• Timmy: Mr. Crocker? I don't know what he's up to, but it's somethin' weird.

[Crocker kicks open the door on him and runs off. Timmy is left unconscious. Cut to Chloe flying toward Entrance B. Cut to Cosmo's panel, where fairies in the audience are cheering]

• Wonky Wanda: Meow, reow, reow!

[Wanda moves herself a seat away from her clone]

• Cosmo: Hey, fans! Let's start my panel with a highlight reel of my most successful failures ever! Roll it!

[A video shows Cosmo flying in a circle with his head in a bucket]

• Timmy: [in the video] Cosmo, poof me up a hot dog!
• Cosmo: [in the video] Can't hear you, Timmy! Hey, there's an echo! Great time to yodel! [yodels]
• Timmy: [throwing off the bucket] Make me a hot dog!
• Cosmo: Fine, [turns him into a hot dog] you're a hot dog.

[Timmy screams, and a raccoon runs off with him. The audience cheers]

• Cosmo: [in person] I'm terrible! And I'm just gettin' warmed up!
• Crocker: [zipping into Cosmo's place] For your demise!
• Jorgen: Who are you, weird middle-aged dandy?
• Crocker: Your worst nightmare—Denzel Crocker, fairy catcher extraordinaire! Things here at Fairy Con are about to suck—[presses a button] literally!

[Fairies scream as vents start to suck]

• Cosmo: I got this! I collected everyone's wands before the panel so we'd all be defenseless. [lifts up the floorboard the wands are under] Worst fairy godparent ever!

[The wands are sucked into the vents. Fairies scream. Cosmo puts a bucket over his head and yodels]

• Crocker: Soon all the magic in Fairy World will be mine! And I'll use my enormous powers to achieve my lifelong dream: I'll poof Mother to the couch and finally move into the master bedroom!
• Chloe: [lands on Crocker] Ha ha ha! Ooh! I can't believe I'm finally in Fairy Con! So excited! And sweaty! And excited!
• Wanda: Still getting sucked into a hole in the wall!

[Chloe presses the button and the sucking stops. The wands fall out of the vents and fairies cheer]

• Jorgen: You saved the day, Chloe Carmichael! I will now erase Mr. Crocker's memory so that he will have no knowledge of Fairy World. I will also make him a hot dog.
• Crocker: I could eat.

[Jorgen turns Crocker's trunk into a big hot dog]

• Crocker: Gah! I'm a hot dog with no memory! [screams as a raccoon runs off with him]
• Timmy: You're all in terrible danger! Mr. Crocker's... a hot dog?
• Chloe: He was up to something weird, Timmy, but I stopped him. I was outside all day! I'm here now, but I still don't know what to do first!
• Jorgen: Oh, sorry, Chloe. Fairy Con is closing in ten minutes, so you'll just have to wait until next year.
• Chloe: [grabs him by the bandoliers] You did not just say that to me, Mister! [growls]
• Jorgen: But... because of your heroic act—and because I am quaking in my combat boots right now—we will extend Fairy Con for as long as you would like to stay.
• Chloe: Woo-hoo! [leaps away]
• Timmy: Whatever you do, Chloe, don't go to Mother Nature's booth!

[Chloe runs out of the room and returns in a tornado]

• Chloe: I love Fairy Con!

[Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Jorgen scream and get picked up by the tornado. Cut to the Crockers' house]

• Crocker: [runs into the Crocker Cave and shuts the exit door] Finally, I'm safe from the insanity.
• Mrs. Crocker: Ooh, a juicy hot dog!
• Crocker: Put down the mustard, Mother!

[The end title card is shown. Fade to black]

Previous Episode	Fairy Con Ep. Guide	Next Episode