Fairly Odd Baby/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Fairly Odd Baby" from Season 6, which aired on February 18, 2008.

Script[]

(The episode starts off with Wanda flying over Dimmsdale Park as an airplane so Timmy can sky dive)

Wanda: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your airplane speaking. If you look off the right side of my armpit, you'll see we're directly over Dimmsdale Park.

(Timmy opens the door)

Timmy: Cool! (As he jumps out) Geronimo!!!
Cosmo: Timmy, pull my finger, I mean ripcord.

(Timmy pulls Cosmo's ripcord for the parachute to come out)

Timmy: Thanks Cosmo, it sure is comforting to know that my fairy godparents are always there to protect me.
Cosmo: Sure, thing Timmy, we never let you down.

(Wanda turns into a dog to get a close look at a baby)

Wanda: Aww, what a cute baby.
Cosmo: Where!?!?

(Cosmo poofs away leaving Timmy in the sky falling)

Timmy: Ahhhhhh!!!!!
Cosmo: You're right Wanda, this is the cutest one yet.
Timmy: I wish I had another-- (hits the ground before finishing his sentence) --parachute.
Cosmo: Timmy, watch where you're falling, you almost hit the baby!
Wanda: Oh Cosmo, there's another one!

(Cosmo and Wanda run off to look at the other baby as Timmy climbs out of the hole he made)

Mother: (talking to her baby) Oh, do you like the weird pink and green dogs? Then mommy will get you some because your mommy's precious little baby, and I can't imagine why any couple wouldn't want to have their very own baby.
Cosmo and Wanda: Aww. (Starts crying)

(Then Timmy walks up)

Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, what's gotten into you two? You were supposed to be my parachute!

(The mom looks at Timmy)

Timmy: I-I mean, roll over?
Mother: Are these oddly colored hysterically weeping dogs yours little boy?
Timmy: Uh, yeah. They're rare Alaskan---Blubber Hounds?
Mother: Do they ever have puppies? I bet they'd make the cutest baby blubber hounds.

(Cosmo and Wanda starts crying again, then Timmy tries to drag them away)

Timmy: Uh, that's great, have a nice day with your baby. Come on you two, let's get back to sky diving.

(Timmy falls into a bird bath while Cosmo and Wanda are looking at another baby at the park. Timmy falls into the ocean as Cosmo and Wanda are looking at yet, another baby at the beach. Then Timmy fell through his house roof, into his bedroom and onto his bed.)

Timmy: Ugh, you guys are totally distracted and ignoring me.
Wanda: (as she's knitting a boot) Did you hear something Cosmo?
Cosmo: (as he puts on a diaper) No, OW! PIN!
Timmy: Look at you guys, (points at Wanda) you're knitting booties and Cosmo's wearing a diaper. Okay, he wears them all the time, (shouting) BUT NOT WHEN YOU'RE KNITTING BOOTIES. It's like you guys are distracted by baby stuff.
Cosmo and Wanda: (sobbing) Don't say the "B" word!
Timmy: What? Baby?
Cosmo and Wanda: (still sobbing), Why do you torture us?!?!
Timmy: Uh, sorry. If you love babies so much, then stop being babies and just have a baby of your own.
Cosmo and Wanda: You said the "B" word 3 times!
Wanda: It's not that simple Timmy; fairies just can't have babies whenever they want.
Timmy: Why not?
Cosmo: Well, it all started when the last baby was born in Fairy World---ME!!!

(Shows flashback of Cosmo as a baby)

Jorgen: He's so cute!

(Baby Cosmo accidentally turns Jorgen into a bomb and destroys Fairy World)

Jorgen: And deadly!

(Flashback ends)

Cosmo: In fact, I was so cute and deadly, that after I came along, the Supreme Fairy Counsel said that they never wanted anything like me to ever happen again.
Wanda: Besides Timmy, fairies live forever, so there's really no need for us to have babies of our own.
Cosmo: That's why we get godkids instead, to fill the void.
Timmy: Wow, I never knew you guys wanted to have your own baby. Actually, it might be kind of cool to have a little godbrother or sister. Hey, how about I just wish us up a baby.
Wanda: Oh Timmy, you can't just wish us up a baby. Can you?

(Wanda then poofs up Da Rules so Timmy can check)

Timmy: (as he checks Da Rules) Hmm, things that can't be wished for: Winning a contest, falling in love, electric car, (Poofs away Da Rules) nope, nothing in here that says I can't. Cosmo, Wanda, I wish you guys were having a--(Gets interrupted by Jorgen).
Jorgen: STOP!!! (Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda get poofed to Fairy Academy) There has been a disturbance in the fairy force. Someone was just about to wish for the "B" word. (Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda arrive to the Fairy Academy.) Ahh, Turner, big surprise.
Timmy: Well, there's nothing in the rules that says I can't wish for the "B" word.
Jorgen: Ah, that is where you are wrong, Timmy Turner. (Jorgen then poofs up Da Rules so he can check) Umm, no wishing yourself into a fairy, no wishing someone back to life, no Tom Cruise. DARN IT!! (Poofs away Da Rules) I must remember to write down these new rules. (as he reaches in his pocket) Here it is, I wrote it on a sticky note but never officially put it in. You win this round, Timmy Turner, but be warned, (pointing at Timmy) you have no-- (Timmy finishing the sentence)
Timmy: --idea what I've wished for, blah, blah, bad idea, blah, blah, consequences, (pushes Jorden's finger) ENOUGH!! I wish Cosmo and Wanda would have a baby!

(Cosmo and Wanda grant Timmy's wish)

Timmy: Hey, what gives? Nothing happened.
Jorgen: Ha! This is where you are wrong again Timmy Turner. Your wish will come true, but this is only-- (Timmy finishes his sentence again)
Timmy: --the beginning, blah, blah, have no idea what I've done, blah, blah, you'll be watching me, blah, blah.
Jorgen: (shouting) WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH THE SENTENCE!?! Now go, while the camera pushes on me dramatically. (Camera pushes in too much) Too much, back off.

(Timmy is back at his house calling for his fairies)

Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda! I'm home from school! Is my totally new and pudgy godbrother or sister here yet? (Cosmo and Wanda poof in front of Timmy. Then Cosmo barfs on Timmy.) Ugh, Cosmo, you just barfed all over me, what's wrong with you?

(Cosmo and Wanda start laughing)

Timmy: [confused] What's so funny?
Cosmo: What's wrong with me? Duh, having a "B" word here.

[Cosmo's stomach starts to grow.]

Timmy: Huh? You're having the baby? Okay, Earth boy freaked out, need explanation here.
Wanda: Oh Timmy, everybody knows that it's the boy fairy that has the baby.
Cosmo: Timmy, we really need to have a serious talk about the Birds and the Bee Gees.

(Cosmo poofs up a poster board with the Bee Gees band)

Cosmo: You see, when the Bee Gees recorded Saturday Night Beaver, everybody loved them. Then, there was a backlash, (shouting) "TOO MUCH BEE GEES," THEY SAID, and-- (Timmy interrupts him)
Timmy: Who cares? Are we having a boy or a girl? (Cosmo barfs on Timmy again) Ahhh!
Cosmo: Right now, it's just a lot of barf. I think I'll call it, "Bartholomew".
Wanda: Uh, Cosmo's got a little morning sickness, sport.
Timmy: But it's 3 in the afternoon. How long does it last?
Wanda: Not long, 3 months.
Cosmo: Don't worry, it'll be fun. (Cosmo almost throws up)

(Timmy is at a parade while Cosmo and Wanda are balloons. Cosmo ends up barfing on Timmy. Timmy is at the park and tries to give Trixie a flower but gets barfed on by Cosmo. Then, Timmy takes a shower and then Cosmo barfs on Timmy again. Timmy goes back in the shower again to wash it off. He gets out only to get barfed on again.)

Timmy: Has it been 3 months yet?
Wanda: Close, 3 hours.
Timmy: Well then, I wish I had an umbrella.

(An umbrella poof in Timmy's hand only for Cosmo to barf on him again because he was the umbrella.)

Cosmo: Sorry.
Timmy: Tell me this is as bad as it gets.
Wanda: Not even close.

(Now some of the other effects are starting to show up, first is weird cravings.)

Timmy: You ate my vintage baseball cards?!?
Cosmo: Yep, and by the way, Darryl Strawberry doesn't taste like strawberry.

(Now, weird mood swings.)

Cosmo: (happily) It's a beautiful sun shining day, it makes me want to sing! La la, la la. (Angrily and shouting) WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!? LOOK AT ME! I'M FAT!!! (Cosmo turns into a bear and pushes Timmy through the floor.) (Happily, again) But so happy we're having a baby! Hey, where's Timmy?
Wanda: In the basement.

(Shows Timmy lying in the basement, then Cosmo throws up on him.)

Cosmo: Sorry.

(Timmy takes another shower)

Timmy: Okay, hang in there Turner, you can do it. It'll all be worth it once your totally cool godbrother or totally sweet godsister arrives. Hopefully there won't be any more surprises. (Timmy opens the shower door) What!?!?
Fairies: SURPRISE!!
Timmy: Uh, I wish I had a towel. (Cosmo then poofs a towel on Timmy's hair) I wish I had another towel. (Then another towel appears over Timmy's waist)
Mama Cosma: It is officially time for the fairy baby shower. It's the first one in thousands of years so we want it to be extra special.
Timmy: So why are you having it in my bathroom?
Mama Cosma: Hello? Baby, (Pulls Cosmo on screen then pushes him back off screen) shower (points at the shower behind Timmy). Must I draw you a picture? Besides, the bathroom is the most private room in the house.
Jorgen: Yes, and I don't want the news of the fairy baby getting out just yet. In its early stages, baby magic is very undeveloped and unstable. As my totally awesome slideshow will demonstrate. (Poofs a slideshow next to Timmy) When raised by a good fairy, the baby's magic is good and spreads goodness. When raised by a bad fairy or Pixie, the fairy baby's magic can be used for evil. Therefore, the baby must be protected at all costs. (A bunch of security fairies, barbed wire and attack dogs show up for the baby shower.) Now, let's all have a good time!
Wanda: Timmy, it's an ancient fairy tradition that the godchild throws the expecting fairy parent a shower.
Timmy: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Cosmo: Nothing much. (Cosmo unrolls a huge list that runs over Timmy. Then Cosmo barfs on Timmy.) Sorry.

(After Timmy sets up the baby shower, he makes sure everything is ready.)

Timmy: Okay, balloons, streamers, stereo, 2 ply toilet paper, looks like I took care of everything.
Cosmo: Timmy!!
Timmy: (Timmy walks over to Cosmo who's sitting in a chair) Yes Cosmo?
Cosmo: I'm hungry. Get me something that won't upset my stomach, like the fireball burrito.
Timmy: Burritos got it.

(Timmy goes to get the burritos until Jorgen calls for him)

Jorgen: Turner! (Timmy walks over to him) Where is the music? I want to get funky!
Timmy: Oh right, music, got it. (He throws the burritos as he rushes to play music, but Jorgen catches them)
Cupid: Anything but the Bee Gees, too much Bee Gees.
Jorgen: Ooo, burritos! (Then he eats a whole burrito in one bite)

(Timmy turns on the music then Cosmo call for him again)

Cosmo: Timmy! My special day is on hold, till I get my burritos. (His face turns green and angrily shouts) WHERE'S MY BURRITOS?!?!

(Timmy quickly gets them and comes back)

Timmy: Here.
Cosmo: (still angrily) I DON'T WANT BURRITOS; THEY MAKE ME GASSY!!! (Happy again and face is back to normal) Let's play games!
Timmy: (lying on the floor) What games?
Mama Cosma: They're right here on the list.

(Timmy takes the list from Mama Cosma and reads some of it out loud)

Timmy: "Pin the tail on the bucktoothed servant boy". Uh-oh!

(Now Cosmo is playing "Pin the tail on the bucktoothed servant boy." He takes many tries and ends up pinning Timmy onto the wall)

Cosmo: Do I win? Do I win? Do I win? Do I win? (Takes his blindfold off and switches to Timmy)
Timmy: That's it! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of the shower! I'm sick of the mood swings! I'm sick of the cravings! (Cosmo barfs on Timmy again) And I'm sick of the vomit! That was the last straw!
Jorgen: Uhh, actually Turner, you are out of straws.
Timmy: I'm sick of this whole baby wish! I wish Cosmo would just get lost!!!
Everyone: *Gasps*
Cosmo: Fine! If that's the way you feel, then I'll take my baby, my Bee Gees, and (holds up a burrito) this burrito and just go! (Cosmo then poofs away)
Wanda: Oh no! Cosmo's gone and he's about to have our baby!
Jorgen: Timmy Turner, you have put the universe in great peril. If that baby falls into the wrong hands, it could be so dangerous that-that I'd have to invent a new word! It could be, um, "DOOMUNGOUS"!

(Everyone looks at Timmy angrily)

Cupid: Worst baby shower ever.

(The camera pushes into Timmy until Jorgen interrupts)

Jorgen: Wait, where is my push in? (The camera pushes in too close to Jorgen) Ahh, too close!

(It switches to everybody looking at Timmy again.)

Timmy: I'm sorry, I really do want a godbrother or sister, but I was just sick of getting barfed on all the time. (Holds up a plate of burritos) Burritos anyone?

(Jorgen takes one burrito and then poofs Timmy, Wanda, and himself into a tracking system room to find Cosmo)

Wanda: Oh, this is terrible! Our baby's going to be born alone and-and with Cosmo! We have to split up, search every corner of the universe and find them.
Jorgen: But most important, keep this top secret, nobody must know, that a fairy baby is about to be born. (Swallows burrito) Now, find Cosmo, (holds up a plate of burritos) and some extra hot sauce. Go! Go! Gooo!

(Timmy's house roof breaks and fairies fly out to find Cosmo)

Timmy: Okay people, it's been 3 hours, how's the search going? Talk to me. (Computer monitors appear and the fairies tell him what's going on)
Fairy at arcade: He's not at the arcade.
Fairy at string factory: String factory negative also.
Mama Cosma: He's not in Fairy World, or in his room, which is ready for anytime he decides to leave Wanda.
Cupid: (as he dances) He's not in Rio but I'll keep looking. (Continues dancing)
Jorgen: Curses! This can only mean one thing; I've should've gone to Rio.
Timmy: Look, we've covered the entire universe, and Cosmo is not here or in Fairy World. Are there any other worlds we can check?
Jorgen: Oh no!
Timmy: You thought of some place?
Jorgen: No, that burrito went right through me. I must now file a report with a great white round one. (Runs to the bathroom)
Wanda: Wait Timmy, you're right, there are other worlds we can check. Patio World, Mattress World, World News Tonight, Anti-Fairy World, Pixie World. *Gasps*
Timmy: Anti-Fairy World! That's it!
Jorgen: (comes out of bathroom) Ahh, the Anti-Fairies must've kidnapped Cosmo and are planning on developing the baby's magic to use for their own disastrous purposes.
Timmy: Wanda let's rock. (Wanda poofs up some weapons, and Timmy, Jorgen and herself are wearing red headbands) Now let's roll.
Jorgen: Uhh, hold that thought. (Runs to the bathroom again and then comes out) Okay, now let's roll. (To Timmy) By the way you are out of air freshener. (Walks off)

(At Anti-Fairy world)

Anti-Cosmo: Alright Anti-Fairies, next on the agenda, universal domination. Any ideas? Speak up, don't be afraid, there are no wrong answers.
Anti-Fairy: I was thinking we could get like a big elephant and have him step on some stuff.
Anti-Cosmo: Sorry, wrong answer. (Pushes eject button) Come on people, think, universal domination is not just going to come bursting through that door.

(Wanda, Timmy, and Jorgen burst through the door)

Timmy: Freeze, Anti-Fairies. We know you kidnapped Cosmo and our fairy baby and are planning on using his/her uncontrollable magic for universal domination!

(All of the Anti-Fairies stare at Timmy)

Anti-Cosmo: What's this? Cosmo is having a fairy baby, whose uncontrollable magic we can use to take over the universe.
Wanda, Timmy, and Jorgen: Umm, no?
Anti-Cosmo: Quick, Anti-Fairies! Take to the skies, we must find Cosmo and his baby and take over the universe! (All of the Anti-Fairies fly out the window looking for Cosmo)
Jorgen: (to Timmy) Now they know. Good one, genius.
Wanda: If Cosmo's not here, he must be in Pixie World. Let's go, and I'll do the talking this time.

(In Pixie World)

Pixie: We could get a big elephant, and have it step on stuff. (H.P. pushes a button making the Pixie fall) Ahhhh.
H.P.: Come on people, think, a plan for universal domination is not just going to come bursting through that door.

(Wanda, Timmy, and Jorgen burst through the door)

Wanda: Freeze, Pixies. We know you kidnapped Cosmo and our fairy baby-- (Anti-Fairies burst through the wall)
Anti-Cosmo: --and are planning on using his/her uncontrollable magic for universal domination!
H.P.: Wait a second, Cosmo's having a fairy baby, and we can use his/her undeveloped able magic for universal domination?
Wanda, Timmy, Jorgen, and Anti-Cosmo: Umm, no?
H.P.: Quick, Pixies, to the limousine. We must mind that fairy baby and take over the universe. (The Pixies fly out of the building)
Anti-Cosmo: Not if we find it first. (All of the Anti-Fairies fly out of the building)
Jorgen: Okay here is the plan, I'm going to the bathroom again while you two think of a plan. (Runs to the bathroom...again) Fireball burritos. Ai yi yi.
Wanda: Timmy, we have to find Cosmo, I'm really worried about him.
Timmy: Me too, but where could he be? All I did was tell him to get lost.
(Then Timmy thought of something)
Timmy and Wanda: You don't think?!

(Shows a nice field that Cosmo is dancing through.)

Cosmo: I'm lost; I'm lost! And now I'm lost! (Timmy and Wanda poof in front of Cosmo) Oh hey guys! Timmy! "Get lost", best wish ever! Getting lost in the great outdoors is very soothing. No more mood swings, no more cravings, I haven't even barfed. (Cosmo then barfs on Timmy) Hello Bartholomew!

(Wanda poofs the barf off Timmy then hugs Cosmo)

Wanda: Cosmo, thank goodness we found you!
Timmy: Cosmo, I'm really sorry I wished you away. Can you ever forgive me?
Cosmo: Hugs! (They all hug until Cosmo's belly stretches' and pushed Timmy and Wanda into some flowers)
Timmy: Ugh, is that a, no?
Cosmo: Uh oh, the baby just kicked, I think that means it's coming!
Wanda: Aw, did you hear that, Timmy? The baby's coming.
Timmy and Wanda: [realizing] the baby's coming?! AAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Cosmo: Cool it, you two, this is no time to panic. Let's all remain calm and get to the fairy hospital, so we can all enjoy this beautiful moment! (Cuts to the fairy hospital with Cosmo in the hospital bed) Ahhhh! THIS IS NOT A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT!!!
Dr. Rip Studwell: Don't worry, Cosmo. Everything's looking fantastic, on me. (While looking at himself on a mirror. Then he comes to the bed) You on the other hand sound like you're in a lot of pain.
Cosmo: No, childbirth it's a--w-wonderful--Ahh!
Wanda: Can't you do something about this, Dr. Rip Studwell?
Dr. Rip Studwell: I have just the thing. (He poofs' earmuffs on Timmy, Wanda, and himself)
Wanda: That's better, thanks Dr. Rip Studwell.
Dr. Rip Studwell: What?
Wanda: What?
Timmy: Huh?
Cosmo: (poofs everyone's earmuffs away) Get it out!! GET IT-OUT!!!!
Dr. Rip Studwell: Fear not, Cosmo. Dr. Rip Studwell is on the case. (Puts on gloves) Now, does anyone here now how to deliver a fairy baby?
Timmy: You mean you don't know how!?!
Dr. Rip Studwell: Timmy, a fairy baby hasn't been born in thousands of years, no one knows how. Let's see if this button does something. (He pushes the red button and crushes Cosmo three times.) Yeah, it does.
Timmy: There's got to be something we can do to get our baby out of him. Can't I just wish it out?
Dr. Rip Studwell: (laughs) Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. As far as I know, a baby delivery is a highly interqubit and flexicated medical procedure. You can't just wish it out. Can he?
Cosmo: I'm a very unconflexicated person, wish it out, WISH IT OUT!!!
Timmy: Okay, okay! I wish our baby was out!

(Wanda grants the wish)

Dr. Rip Studwell: The angelic choir is going to cost you extra.

(Cosmo unveils the purple towel and a glow reveals the littlest new fairy, a baby boy.)

Poof: Poof.
Everyone: Aww!
Wanda: Oh, Cosmo, our baby is beautiful.
Timmy: Is it a boy or a girl? I got to know. I got to know.
Dr. Rip Studwell: Excellent question. Let me just take it outside where the light is better and find out. (Heads towards the door until Jorgen busted in)
Jorgen: Not so fast, "Dr. Rip Studwell," or should I say, (rips disguise off) Anti-Cosmo?
All: (gasps)
Anti-Cosmo: Oh, pooh.
Jorgen: Ha! Good thing I was here to save the baby from your evil clutches. (Takes the baby) Now let me take it outside where the light is better and make sure that it's safe.
Anti-Cosmo: Not so fast, "Jorgen," or should I say, (ripping of disguise) Pixies in a Jorgen suit.
All: (gasps)
H.P: Darn. I really thought the Jorgen suit would work this time.
Sanderson: Well, it did get us into that club in Rio.
Mama Cosma: Oh, give me my grandchild. There, there. I'll just take him-slash-her outside where the light is better now and look at the--
Jorgen Von Strangle: Not so fast, "Mama Cosma," or should I say--(pulls on her hair in a failed attempt to rip off her 'disguise') Wow, this one is really glued on there.
Wanda: Give me back our baby. None of you has the slightest idea how to keep it safe, warm, and loved. (Sees that the baby is gone)
Timmy: (hiding the baby in his shirt) Oh, no. The baby is gone. You guys should run outside where the light is better and look for it.
Jorgen: Hey, his puny chest just poof-poofed. Give me the baby, Turner. Its magic must be used for good.
Anti-Cosmo: Give me the baby, Turner.
H.P. and Sanderson: Its magic must be used for evil.
Mama Cosma: Oh, give me the baby. I just want to pinch its cheeks.

(All of them drew the scared Timmy into a corner as Cupid plays the piano)

Cupid: Weird. The music was much cheerier in Rio.
Fairy Hart: I'm Fairy Hart reporting live from Fairy World Hospital, where members of an angelic choir have informed us that Cosmo and Wanda have finally had their fairy baby.
Choir: Had the baby (x2)
Fairy Hart: As you know, this is the first fairy baby bands of years. One can only imagine the love and tenderness taking place in that hospital room right now.
Cosmo: (with a bat) Get away from my little Keanu!
Everyone: Keanu?
Cosmo: Yeah. I'm just not feeling Bartholomew anymore.
Wanda: It would be easier to name it if we knew what it was. Let me just check.
Jorgen Von Strangle: There will be plenty of time to name the child once we forcibly take it from you. Personally, I like Dagmar. It means, "The landfill is burning".
H.P.: Blah, blah blah. That means, "Give us the baby, Turner."
Timmy: Blah, blah, blah. That means, "No way, Jose."
Cosmo: "Jose". That name is Muy Bueno. Hola, Jose.
Timmy: Adios, muchacho. (Pressed the control button to spring to the door but the heroes crashed into the wall) I really thought that well-planned escape attempt was going to work.
Jorgen: Get the cute, giggling baby.

(As the others go for it, Poof giggled so much that the group disappeared, and the others gets stuck into the wall)

Jorgen: Oh, I really thought that well-planned baby grab was going to work. They must be outside where the light is better. Follow me.
Wanda: Wow looks like our baby's laughter is magical. It protected us.
Cosmo: That's my boy. Girl. We really should check.
Timmy: No time. We got to get out of here. I wish we had a rocket car.
Wanda: Oh, no. We are not putting the baby in a rocket car. Either wish for a stroller or a nice minivan.
Timmy: Fine. I wish I had a rocket powered stroller.
Wanda: Well, that's better. I hope.
Timmy: Hop in and hang on.
Fairy Hart: And we're all waiting anxiously for the happy parents to give us our first glimpse of the little magic miracle. (Get run over by the stroller)
Jorgen: Wow, the light really is better out here. [breaks out of the wall and pulls out radio] This is Jorgen Von Strangle. I'm putting out an ABB: An All-Babies Bulletin on Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy Turner. Blast first and ask questions later. (Suddenly surrounded by camera and mikes) Ok, forget the "blast first" part, I waaaaay over-reacted there. But we must find that baby before the Pixies and Anti-fairies do. Go. go. go. (Poofs up jets and scatters fairies to search for them)
Wanda: Oh, no, they put out an ABB.
Cosmo: An always brush your back?
Jorgen: This is fairy leader one. We've located the fairy baby and are in hot pursuit.
Mama Cosma: Watch where you're flying. Put your seat belt on. And why are we in jets when we can fly?
Jorgen: Stop hitting me, you crazy old bat.
Cosmo: Here they come. What do we do?
Timmy: You tell me. You're the parents.
Wanda: Timmy's right, we are the parents. And we say...
Cosmo and Wanda: Do something, Timmy!
Timmy: Fine. Hang on. Again!

(Timmy puts the pedal to the metal, and drives the train rocket power stroller into a dark forest)

Jorgen: We've lost visual.
Mama Cosma: If you'd pay attention, you wouldn't lose anything. And sit up straight. And from where I'm sitting, your ears could use a good scrubbing.

(The stroller crashed into the woods)

Cosmo: Okay, we're safe now in the dark, scary woods, and--and-- [surrounded by scary things] It's dark and scary!

(Poof starts to cry)

Wanda: Cosmo. You're scaring little Talulah.
Cosmo: Yeah, well I'd cry too if my name was Talulah.
Timmy: Wait. When the baby giggled, it saved us. I bet when it cries...

(The forest disappears, and a huge sign appears, giving away their location)

Wanda: Bad things happen.
Cosmo: Wow. I wonder what happens when it burps?

(Suddenly Wanda is struck by lightning)

Wanda: Lightning. Lightning happens.
Jorgen: Ah-ha. Looks like buying those giant sign/lightning/burp detectors was a great idea because I found the baby.
Anti-Cosmo: And so have we.
H.P. and Sanderson: And so, have we.
H.P.: By the way, why are we in jets when we can fly?
Jorgen: I thought it would be fun.
Cosmo: Timmy, I thought we told you to do something.
Timmy: I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Ok, I'm done. Give me the baby.
Cosmo and Wanda: What?
Timmy: No one would ever think you would leave L'il T, in my care, so that's exactly what you should do. That way I can give them the slip.
Everyone: L'il T?
Timmy: Yeah, for Little Timmy. It's easy to remember.
Cosmo: Tommy's right. It is easy to remember.
Wanda: Ok, we'll talk names later. Just go and please be careful.
Timmy: I will.
Cosmo: Good luck, Tommy.
Timmy: Now I wish you two had a fake Timmy and fake fairy baby.
Cosmo: Wow. Hollow, just like the original.
Timmy: Now take off with the "decoys" and I'll meet you back home.
Wanda: Goodbye my little Twinkle.
Cosmo: Twinkle? That pretty close to tinkle.
Wanda: Well, it'd be easier to name it if we knew what it was.
Cosmo: Lemme just check.
Timmy: No time for that now. I wish I was home.
Wanda: Let's lead them off Timmy's trail,
Cosmo: Who's Timmy?
Jorgen: We have visual on the baby, again.
Mama Cosma: How can you have visual anything? Your windshield's filthy. And how about wearing a shirt with some sleeves once in a while, --
Jorgen: (ejects Mama Cosma from the jet) Looks like buying that "Nagging Old Lady Eject Button" was a great idea, too.
Mama Cosma: Who folded this parachute? Look how wrinkled it is.

(Timmy is back home with Poof)

Timmy: Made it. I'm alone with the baby and--[realizing, horrified] Oh, no. I'm alone with the baby!

(Suddenly Poof is about to cry)

Timmy: No, no. don't cry. Please don't cry, L'il T. Uh, cootchy coo. (Tickles its chin and hears Poof's stomach) Oh, you sound hungry. Ok, let's see what mommy and daddy left you to eat. (Looks at the bottles' labels) "Cosmo" "Baby-to-be-named-later". (Making baby noises) Ok. let's take care of you. Let's go. Leeeet's go. I've got to stop talking like this. (Microwaves the bottle) Ok, the bottle is all warmed up and shorts. (Sees his parents in jogging uniforms)
Mr. Turner: Hi, son. We were just out jogging in an attempt to stave off aging.
Mrs. Turner: And all that running from father time has made us thirsty. Whew, is that a sports drink? (Takes a drink) Suddenly sleepy. Must curl up in fetal position. (Sleeps and sucks on her thumb)
Mr. Turner: Aw. isn't that cute, and is that a baby?
Timmy: Uh, no.
Mr. Turner: Well, it sure looks like a baby. (Smells it) Oooh, and it's got that new baby smell.
Timmy: And that's why it's the most popular, new, battery-operated baby doll on the market.
Mr. Turner: Oooh. I want one. Hey, Tommy, this is fun. It's like the child I never had. And it makes me feel younger. Father time will never catch--(The baby burps and Mr. Turner gets shocked) Uh, I think it has a short in it.
Timmy: And that's why I'm taking it back to the store. Bye, dad.
Mr. Turner: (faints next to Mrs. Turner) Ew. She has that new baby smell, too.
Timmy: Uhh. you're heavy. I wish I had a stroller. (Poof giggles and poofs up a stroller) Wow, you understand me. But no more magic until we can figure out what to do with you. And no more striking my parents with lightning. Unless I say so.

(Poof giggles and poofs Timmy a beard)

Timmy: Ok, that's not funny. (Shaves his beard) And we don't have time for--(Poof giggles again and turns an ice cream man's head into a rabbit) Ok, that's funny. For a smelly, little ball of trouble you're really neat, you know that? I think we're going to be great friends. (Talking like a baby) We can go to ball games. And I can blame you for stuff. And teach you how to play video games and I'm totally talking like that again, huh?

(Suddenly a butterfly lands on the baby's nose and started to giggle)

Timmy No. No more magic. You have to stay hidden.

(Then, clouds started to form and ice cream falls from the sky)

Timmy: Ice cream? Ok, I'll let this one slide.
Girl: It's an ice cream miracle.
Boy: I'm lactose intolerant, but I don't care.
Timmy: Jorgen was way off, L'il T. Your magic isn't scary. It's awesome.

(Suddenly an ice cream cone falls on Poof's face and he starts crying).

Timmy: Not awesome. Don't cry. Don't cry.

(Suddenly, all the ice creams turn into a giant ice cream monster)

Timmy: Too late.

(The monster starts wrecking the park)

Timmy: No, no. no cry-ee. Laughy. See? I'm silly I got to stop this. Wait. Your bottle. (Puts the bottle into his mouth) Ok, crying bad. Bottle good. (Suddenly Poof started to hiccups) Hiccups? What are hiccups? Please tell me hiccups are good.

(Suddenly, natural disasters like volcanoes, tornadoes and earthquakes appeared)

Timmy: Hiccups equal natural disasters. So tough being a parent.
Jorgen: See how much damage you have caused? Give me the baby, Turner, and I will train it to control its unpredictable magic. Trust me.
Timmy: I'll never--(shocked by the baby's burps) You have my blessing. (Gives the baby to him)
Jorgen: Ha. ha. ha. I cannot believe you fell for that again.

(Suddenly Jorgen reveals himself to be Anti-Cosmo, and H.P)

Anti-Cosmo: Ha and look. We've teamed up to double the danger.
H.P.: Good-bye, Timmy Turner. Forever.
Anti-Cosmo: Oooh, wonderful evil laugh, H.P.
H.P.: Not as wonderful and evil as yours, A.C.
Anti-Cosmo: A.C. I like that. [laughs]
Timmy: Oh, no. what have I done? Okay. this is bad. Anti-Cosmo and the Pixies took L'il T. But it's good because Cosmo, Wanda, and Jorgen aren't here to see this.

(Suddenly, Cosmo, Wanda, and Jorgen poof in.)

Timmy: Now it's bad again.
Jorgen: I tracked you down, Turner. Did you really think I would fall for your fake Timmy doll? Look. now I have Cosmo, Wanda, and the baby. Ha ha ha.
Timmy: Uh, that's a baby doll.
Jorgen: Really? Huh, incredible likeness. You win this round, Turner. Now, where is little baby Kaja-goo-goo?
Wanda: And why is there melted ice cream everywhere?
Cosmo: And why do you look as though you've done something horribly wrong?
Timmy: Uh, funny story. Ha ha, you guys are going to love this. Seems that-- you're not going to believe this, but seriously. The Anti Fairies and Pixies teamed up, took the baby, and are going to use its magic to take over the universe. Funny, huh?
All: We got to find our baby!
Wanda: Wait! I think my maternal instincts are kicking in.
Jorgen: My maternal instincts are kicking in, too. Oh, wait. it's just the burrito again.
Wanda: I'm picking up little Flo-Jo's trail. Follow me.
Cosmo: It's Keanu.
Timmy: L'il T.
Jorgen: Kajagoogoo.

[And so, the gang enter Anti Fairy world.]

Jorgen: Hmmm. Anti-Cosmo's castle. A dangerous place. Are you sure little baby Elvis is in there? What? Kajagoogoo is so 5 minutes ago.
Wanda: I'm thinking "Oprah" now, and, yes, I'm as sure she's in there as I'm sure Cosmo's head is full of jelly.
Cosmo: What kind of jelly?
Wanda: Grape jelly.
Cosmo: She knows me so well. Who wants some? Anyone? Tommy?
Wanda: Timmy, this is terrible. I just feel that something awful could happen to our little boy/girl. We have to get inside that castle.
Jorgen: Wait. I have good news. We don't need to get inside. (Looks in a bush) I found the baby.
Timmy: Doll again.
Jorgen: Seriously?
Timmy: Fear not, Wanda. I got my brother/sister into this mess and I'm going to get him/her out. I have a plan.

[And so, Timmy and the others are set in motion. Timmy was dressed as a knight, Wanda is archer, Cosmo is the taco delivery guy, and Jorgen is a pink rabbit. But then they got captured.]

Jorgen: Worst plan ever.
Cosmo: At least we have food. who wants a burrito? Hmm. needs jelly. That's better.
Wanda: Back up and I'll blast our way out. Oh, no! My wand is gone.
Jorgen: Uhh! All our wands are gone.
Anti-Cosmo: Ha ha ha. Looking for these? I say, H.P, can you think of any predicament worse than being a fairy trapped in a giant butterfly net cage without your wand?
Head Pixie: Yes. (Holds up Poof)
Poof: Poof. Poof.
Head Pixie: Us having control of the fairy baby so we can use its magic to destroy fairy world and take over the entire universe.
Anti-Cosmo: Ooh, that is worse. For them.
Wanda: If you so much as lay a hand on our baby, I'll destroy both of you.
Anti-Cosmo: Oooh, I'm so frightened. now if you'll excuse us, we must go and harness Fauntleroy's magic here and commence our evil plot of doom.
Head Pixie: Fauntleroy? We are not calling the baby Fauntleroy. I was thinking Bill. Bill's a guy you trust with your business portfolio.
Anti-Cosmo: Oh, let's just suck the magic out of this brat and move on--Ok?
Wanda: (blaming Timmy) You did this. You had us poof up a baby, then got it baby-napped, then got us trapped inside the anti-fairy castle inside a butterfly net, [wailing with tears in her eyes] and I just want our baby back!!!
Cosmo: There there, some brain jelly will make it all better.
Jorgen Von Strangle: Nice going, Turner. Not only did you break her heart and strips us of our powers and our wands... (bites carrot) You put the universe in danger. And worse? You put me in a stupid bunny suit. Why?
Timmy: Because it's all a part of my plan that's not finished yet. Now let's go get my fairy godbrother/sister. (Pulls out a sword and slashes the cage net) Now, come with me if you want to save the--(trampled)
Cosmo: There's a million doors in this castle. Little Ferrick could be anywhere.
Wanda: Wait. My maternal instincts are kicking in again. Baby Bosley is somewhere near.
Jorgen von Strangle: Ok, everyone be quiet. This is the part where they spell out their evil plan. (Sees Cosmo's hand) And I don't want any jelly.
Anti-Cosmo: As you know, H.P., contained inside this small, sweet, yet somewhat homely fairy child lies some of the purest, most natural, untapped magic in the universe.
H.P.: Yes, that part I get. I also understand how the patented magic suckers draw out the magical impulses through the baby's pores.
Anti-Cosmo: Which will then be sucked through these tubes, and sent to our big, evil, anti-fairy wand, where we will simply wish Fairy World gone forever. And once all the good is gone, our evil will control the universe.
H.P.: And the Earth?
Anti-Cosmo: I say we celebrate our victory by destroying it.
Timmy: We have to stop their plan and save L'il T. And the universe.
Chet Ubetcha: Good evening, Dimmsdale, I'm Chet Ubetcha with a horrifying news break. The world is ending, and things are in mass chaos.
Mrs. Turner: Whew, good thing we're in shape.
Mr. Turner: Yes. Now we can outrun Father Time and Mother Earth.

(Suddenly both of them fall down an earthquake)

Mr. Turner: Ah, I'm scared.
Mrs. Turner: I know. you have that "new baby" smell.
Chet: Tidal waves are approaching the cities. Dogs and cats are living together. It's mass hysteria. How will this affect your holiday weekend? (Swept away by the tidal waves)
Jorgen von Strangle: The universe is breaking apart.
Wanda: We need a plan to free little Mackenzie.
Cosmo: And remember, we're outnumbered, we don't have any magic, and my head's full of jelly.
Timmy: Oh, we're not going to free our baby.
Cosmo and Wanda: Say what?
Timmy: Our baby is going to free itself. Wanda Hood, catch and fire.
Wanda: Bullseye!
Anti-Cosmo: Turner. Came all this way to feed the baby, did you?
H.P.: Ooh. we're sooooo scared. What do you think will happen now?
Timmy: Lightning. Lightning will happen.
Anti-Cosmo: Seize them.
Timmy: Seize this. (Shoots jelly out of Cosmo's ear)
Cosmo: Bow to the jelly. Wow. I can finally hear myself. Man, I sound like an idiot. Do I always sound like this?
Jorgen von Strangle: Nice going, Turner. I underestimated you. Your knack for organizing complexicated plans is--
Timmy: Dance, bunny boy. dance!
Jorgen von Strangle: Ok! [singing] La la la, le le le, I'm a silly pink bunny I am cute, yes, it's true I will shake my tail for you.

(The baby laughs and tons of bunnies magically appears)

Timmy: Perfect. Now make L'il T cry.
Jorgen: But how? I'm so fluffy and loveable.
Anti-Cosmo: Well, this won't do at all.
Wanda: Ok, so we beat Anti-Cosmo and H.P., but how do we save the universe?
Timmy: With lunch. Cosmo, time for a delivery.
Cosmo: Ok, but I only deliver within a 5-mile radius, and the burrito is free if I don't get it to you in 30 minutes or-
Timmy: Just gimme a burrito! (Throws it into Poof's mouth)
Jorgen von Strangle: Turner, are you crazy?! Those burritos are too spicy even for me. (Heads towards the bathroom and comes back) That meat-filled pouch of doom will turn the baby's digestive system into a virtual time bomb.
Timmy: Exacta-mungus.
Cosmo: Wait, when it giggles, good things happen.
H.P: When it burps, lightning happens.
Wanda: When it cries, bad things happen.
Anti-Cosmo: And when it breaks wind...
Jorgen von Strangle: There's no telling what could happen!
Timmy: Hit the deck!

(Everyone hides. The magic stops the planets from spinning fast, Earth pulls itself together and Fairy World is saved)

(Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, Jorgen, and Timmy are now at Dimmsdale Park)

Jorgen von Strangle: What just happened? I feel as though all of life's pressures have been released in a sudden burst.
Wanda: It's almost as though a giant wind has blown away all our troubles. (Brief wind blows)
Cosmo: Or that little Liza just cut a magical huge one and the universe is back to normal.
Timmy: And most importantly, our baby is healthy, happy, and with its family again.
Jorgen von Strangle: It's as if the universe now has that "new baby" smell. Thank you, Turner, not only for saving the baby but the universe from the anti-fairies and pixies who are in a lot of trouble. (Reveals them to be turned in raisins)
Anti-Cosmo: You cannot win.
H.P.: Bow before our might.
Jorgen von Strangle: I can't wait to put you on my cereal. You two raisins will keep me regular for a long time. (Puts them in the box)
Anti-Cosmo and H.P.: No!
Jorgen von Strangle: And now allow me to present the baby with its first toy. (Gives the baby a rattle)
Cosmo: A rattle?
Jorgen von Strangle: A magic rattle. This way the baby can channel its magic and control it. And now I will take the baby back to Fairy World to train it to use the rattle properly.
Wanda: You're going to take the baby?
Jorgen von Strangle: Yes. It hurts me. But only slightly. (Pulls out calendar) And fear not, you will be able to visit the baby every other millennium. (Puts hat on the baby) Come, Napoleon.
Timmy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I don't get it. He just took Lil' T. And after all we've been through. Where are the tears? the emotion? You're not even crying and-- He took the fake baby, didn't he?
Cosmo and Wanda: Ta-da! (Reveals the baby)
Poof: Poof poof.
Timmy: Awesome.
Timmy: Finally. Home sweet home. Where everything is normal.
Poof: Poof. Poof. Poof. (Turns Timmy's drawer into a drum set, his lamp table into ice cream, and the bed into a race car)
Timmy: Wow, it sure is going to be great with a new fairy brother/sister around here. (Suddenly burned by the coat rack that turned into a dragon) By the way, what are we going to name it?
Wanda: Well, first we have to find out if it's a boy or a girl. And after that huge explosion, now's a perfect time to change its diaper. (Poofs up a changing table.) Now, let's see if you're a boy or a girl.
Cosmo: New baby smell. (faints)

(Suddenly Poof squirted water into Wanda's eye)

Timmy: It's a boy. Because boys love water squirters!
Wanda: Oooh! What should we name him?
Poof: (kept saying Poof and turning Timmy and Wanda heads into random things)
Timmy: Hmm. I'm partially to Lil' T. How 'bout Poof?
Wanda: Hey, that's great. Little baby Poof. Where'd you come up with that?
Timmy: It just came to me.
Poof: Poof, poof, poof. (Shakes rattle and makes the house sprout legs as Mr. and Mrs. Turner run after it)
Mr. Turner: Yeh. Good thing we're in shape. Now we can keep up with our house.
Mrs. Turner: And it has that new baby smell.
Poof: Poof. (Makes the words the end!)