|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||May 11, 2013|
(cuts to Timmy in his room with a bunch of books and paper. He is doing his homework. Wanda, Cosmo and Poof appear.)
Wanda: Hey sport!
Timmy: Can't talk, doing my homework.
Cosmo: Good one, Timmy! But seriously, what are you doing?
Timmy: I'm seriously doing homework! My grades are tanking and I need to get them up before my next progress report.
Cosmo: OK. But seriously, what are you doing?
(a van pulls up)
Wanda: Timmy, Mr. Crocker's Unsuspecting Van just pulled up...
(A giant cake gets out of it. We hear Mr. Crocker giggling.)
Wanda: And a giant cake just got out of it.
Cosmo: Finally! Something normal happened!
(the door bell rings)
Mr. Turner: Ooh! Our holiday fruitcake came early this year, and it's huge!
Mr. Crocker: I'm not a fruitcake! I'm just a little different.
Timmy: Mr. Crocker, what are you doing here?
Mr. Crocker: Delivering your progress report in person. Your grades are so bad, they take the cake! Get it? Oh come on! I was up all night baking this thing! Here you go Turner, you got a "G"!
Timmy: Does this stand for good?
Mr. Crocker: No! It stands for "GAAH! I can't believe you're that dumb!" (laughs) That was funny! And it was just an ad lib! Face it, Turner. If you don't shape up, you're going to wind up in... (evil voice) summer school! (silence) There was supposed to be thunder and lightning, but I blew my budget on frosting.
Timmy: Summer School?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mr. Turner: Oh, it's not so bad, Timmy. It's like camp but without the bee stings.
Mr. Crocker: Ooh, there will be bee stings! I probably shouldn't have said that out loud. (the door slams in his face)
(Timmy crumples his progress report and throws it out. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear)
Wanda: We heard about your grades, Timmy.
Cosmo: But on the bright side, I got a slice of Mr. Crocker's cake. Mmm... It tastes like sadness hinted with a wasted life and coconut flakes! No wait, that's hump dandruff.
Timmy: I can't go to summer school guys. And eww! Anyways, I've been working real hard, and I think I even aced my homework! Wait, where is my homework?
(Sparky is taste-testing on what appears to be soup)
Sparky: I'm eating it, Timmy. That's what dogs do. Look! I made alphabet soup, out of your English homework.
(Timmy spazzes out)
Cosmo: Sprinkle a little hump dandruff on that, and you've got something!
Timmy: I can't believe you destroyed my homework! I don't have time to do it before school tomorrow! I'd have to be a super genius to do that! Wait, that's it! I wish I was super smart!
(Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof grant the wish. Timmy now has a big head)
Timmy: Oww! My head hurts!
Cosmo: That's because your pink hat is too small for your giant head!
Timmy: It's not my hat. It's all this knowledge in my head. This is scary! I know all of these horrible facts!
(shows a meteor heading toward Earth. It crashes and the Earth explodes)
Timmy: Like the chances of a meteor hitting Earth!
(shows hot dogs moving like they're on a conveyer belt, shows a grinder with a bunch of junk in it)
Timmy: And what hot dogs are made of! Change me back!
(Timmy is his normal self again)
Timmy: Face it. I'm gonna have to stay up all night and do my homework again. Wait, where are my books?
Sparky: Look, I made steamed Math Book Choy! (shows Book Choy. Timmy spazzes out again)
Cosmo: Stay away from the Book Choy. The first chapter goes right through you. (rushes to the bathroom)
(Cuts to Mr. Crocker's room at school)
Mr. Crocker: Well kids I graded your homework, and here's a shocker: Timmy Turner got a 92%!
Timmy: I did?! Woo-hoo!
Mr. Crocker: Don't be quick to celebrate with your boisterous school supplies, Turner! Unfortunately, you 92 is: wait for it... AN F!!!
Timmy: How could I fail with a 92?!
Mr. Crocker: Because of the bell curve! Everyone in class got a 93 or above, which means when you average out the class grade, your 92 IS AN F!!! Huh, a giant "F" was supposed to fall from the ceiling and crush you...(A giant "F" crushes him)
Timmy: That's not fair!
Mr. Crocker: A fair is a place where they judge pigs, Turner!
Timmy: But I worked really hard on my homework!
Mr. Crocker: Talk to the hump, chump! The face doesn't care! See you in summer school! Wear a beekeeper suit if you want to live! (laughs maniacally, another giant "F" crushes him) That was supposed to be a beehive!
Timmy: This is nuts! Because of the bell curve, the only way I can get a passing grade is that if everyone else were stupider than me!
Cosmo: That's crazy, Timmy! I can't imagine anyone stupider than you. Ooh, I'm gonna pluck the gum off the tire of that moving bus!
(the bus hits Cosmo he screams and is thrown onto the sidewalk beside Wanda and Timmy. He now has a cast and is chewing the tire gum) That was worth it.
Timmy: Guys, there is only one way for me to avoid summer school: I wish everyone was stupider than me!
Wanda: I don't know sport... this wish could be--
Timmy: I know dangerous, irresponsible, regrettable blah-blah-blah! Just wave the wand, woman! I'm not getting any younger, or smarter! (Cosmo, poof, and Wanda grant the wish. "Dimmsdale" changes to "Dumbsdale".)
Timmy: Awesome, now everyone will be super stupid!
Cosmo: I don't know what are in these hot dogs, but they're even better than tire gum.
(Wanda spits on Cosmo, starts laughing)
Wanda: He said "poop"! That's hilarious! Boy, I suddenly find toilet humor hysterical!
(Cosmo and Wanda continue laughing at Poof. Vicky laughs evilly)
Vicky: I'm gonna take you out with this chainsaw, twerp! (Takes out a hair-dryer, blows Timmy's hair) Well, my work is done. Now to blow-dry my hair! (Takes out a chainsaw and cuts herself. She screams and Timmy smiles. Cuts to the Turner's house. Mr. Turner is wearing his pants as a hat)
Mr. Turner: I got a new hat!
(Slams into the door thinking it's a force field)
Mr. Turner: Timmy, there seems to be a force field around the house!
Timmy: It's just a door, Dad!
(Mr. Turner tries again, but fails. The sprinklers start spraying his front yard)
Mr. Turner: Oh, no! The lawn is crying! I must've said something to upset it.
Timmy: Boy, my parents seem even dumber than usual. But I'm fine with that, as long as I don't have to go to summer school. Straight A's, here I come!
(Cuts to Dimmsdale Elementary School)
Mr. Crocker: Sorry I'm late, kids. There seemed to be a force field around the school.
(The kids except Timmy are eating hot dogs)
Mr. Crocker: I've graded your tests. Turner, you got a 41, but since everyone else got a 5 or a less, you get an A+!
Timmy: (whoops) And I even didn't study!
Mr. Crocker: You didn't need to! With a 41, you should be teaching this class! (Drops a bunch of textbooks onto Timmy's desk)
Timmy: So does this mean I don't have to go to summer school?
Mr. Crocker: Of course you don't! Now have a hot dog!
(Fire sprinklers and the fire alarms go off)
Mr. Crocker: Oh, darn it, I made the ceiling cry!
(Timmy hangs up a bunch of report cards onto the wall in his room)
Timmy: This is awesome! I'm getting straight A's! I even got an A on my science project and all I did was plug a light bulb to a hot dog!
(Light bulb lights up)
Wanda: Hey, look! That hot dog has an idea!
(Cosmo spits on Wanda. They laugh again)
Timmy: Alright, I'm in a room full of idiots. But the good news is, I'm doing great in school, and there's no way any of this could possibly go wrong!
(Turns on his TV. Chet Ubetcha comes on)
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying poop-poop! Sorry, I just love that joke! In other news, a giant muffin is hurtling toward the Earth!
(Shows muffin in space, then over Dimmsdale)
Chet: So grab your coffee cups and butter knives, because in one hour, we're all gonna DIIIIINE!
Timmy: (Turns off the TV) Oh, no! That's not a muffin, that's a meteor! Guys, you gotta poof it away! Use your wands!
Wanda: This isn't a wand! It's a backscratcher!
(Wanda zaps herself with the wand. She sighs)
Cosmo: That's not a backscratcher! It's a lollipop!
(Cosmo zaps himself with his wand) Mmm! Burnt tongue flavor.
Timmy: You guys are useless! I've got to warn everyone about the meteor!
Mrs. Turner: Ooh! Here comes the muffin!
Mr. Crocker: I hope it's Bran! I've been backed up lately from all the hot dogs.
Timmy: It's not a muffin; it's a meteor!
Mr. Turner: Stop the crazy talk, Timmy! You'll upset the cry baby lawn!
Timmy: What am I gonna do?! I'm the only one that's smart enough to stop the meteor, and I'm still getting 41's in Math! Gotta think, gotta think...
(He thinks so hard the top of his head blows up. There is a train whistle.)
Timmy: Wait, what if I blew it up? I wished for a rocket once! I bet it's still in here. (A bunch of his old toys fall on him) AAH!
Mojo: Hi, Timmy.
Timmy: It's Mojo, my talking yo-yo! Why did I ever stop playing with this?
Mojo: Stop, I'm gonna vomit!
Timmy: Oh, right. It has motion sickness. Here it is my talking rocket! Oh, no! It's out of fuel!
Rocket: I'm also afraid of heights.
Timmy: And you wonder why I never play with you.
Mojo: Go easy on the rocket! Everyone has their problems!
Timmy: I need everyone to be quiet while I think of a way to fuel the rocket!
Cosmo: I think this hot dog has an idea!
Timmy: That's it! If one hot dog can power a light bulb, then a 1,000 could power a rocket! But where would I get a 1,000 hot dogs?
Mr. Turner: (Coincidentally takes 1,000 hot dogs into Timmy's room) Oh, Timmy! Can I store these thousand hot dogs into your room? Now that we're having a giant muffin, I don't need them anymore!
Timmy: Not now! I'm trying to think- I mean, yes! (Mr. Turner dumps the hot dogs on Timmy. Timmy screams, then comes out with hot dogs in his mouth. Cuts to outside. The muffin approaches, blocking sunlight. Timmy is about to feed the rocket the last hot dog)
Timmy: Okay, rocket. Here's the last hot dog!
Rocket: You know I'm a vegetarian, right?
Timmy: Choke it back, stupid rocket! I'm trying to save the world here! Now blast off already!
(The rocket blasts off. He's screaming. Everyone cheers, but then the rocket pushes the muffin away)
Timmy: I stopped the meteor! I'm a hero!
Mr. Crocker: You scared away our muffin! You're a monster, get him!
(Timmy screams. Everyone smashes into the house still thinking it's a force field)
Mr. Turner: Stupid force field!
Cosmo: This burnt tongue flavor never loses it's delicious, blistery appeal.
Timmy: Guys, I'm going to say something, and when I do, I want you to wave your backscratcher and lollipop. I wish everything was back to normal! (silence) You didn't do it.
Wanda: You didn't say something.
Timmy: I wish everyone was back to normal, something! Okay, to make sure it worked: Wanda, do you want a hot dog?
Wanda: Are you crazy? Do you have any idea what's in those things?
Cosmo: I call dibs on Wanda's then!
Timmy: Hooray! It worked! Everyone's smart again except Cosmo, which mean everything's back to normal!
Mr. Turner: Timmy's our hero! He saved us from the meteor!
(The rocket is still flying. He knocks into the crowd)
Timmy's rocket: I can't stop, I had too many hot dogs! Ahh...(he farts one more time and screams) Good news, everyone, I'm okay!
Timmy: Guys, I've learned lesson. For now on, I'm going to learn my lessons without magic. Wait, where are my books?
Sparky: Hey, everyone! I made baby book ribs!
(Timmy hits his head on the table three times and then passes out. Episode ends.)