Dadlantis/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Dadlantis"
Season	10
Episode	168A
Airdate	February 8, 2017
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Dadlantis" from Season 10, which aired on February 8, 2017.

Script

[Fade in on the Turners' house]

• Timmy: Come on, come on...

[Timmy is playing a video game in which a dog dressed like Super Mario is unclogging a toilet]

• Chloe: Timmy!
• Timmy: Aw. I was one plunge away from being top clog dog!
• Chloe: I have a great idea for our "save the ocean" science project!
• Timmy: We have a "save the ocean" science project?
• Chloe: Yes! But instead of just picking up trash on the beach like everybody else, we get Cosmo and Wanda to poof us into the ocean and clean it from the inside out!
• Timmy: So we drown. That's one way to get outta the project.
• Chloe: No, we poof ourselves into the coolest sea creatures of all time!
• Timmy: Razor-tooth flounder?
• Chloe: Mermaids!
• Timmy: Okay, first of all, no. And second of all, I don't wanna clean the ocean. It's bad enough that I have to clean Cosmo and Wanda's fishbowl.
• Cosmo: [as a goldfish] Yeah, you're doin' a bang-up job there, Timmy! Timmy? Are you out there? I can't see you through the fast food wrappers and rusted-out car.
• Wanda: [as a goldfish] We live in a toilet!
• Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Oh, Timmy! [kicks open the door to the room] Good news! I found the abandoned mine shaft where your mother hid my beloved bongos! It's bongo time!
• Timmy: Drop and cover! There's gonna be a bongo-quake!

[Timmy and Chloe dive behind Timmy's bed and scream. Mr. Turner cracks his knuckles and starts playing the bongos. The room starts shaking]

• Wanda: What's happening? We can't see in here!

[The fishbowl falls off the nightstand and the fairies flop on the floor]

• Timmy: Well, at least I don't have to clean the fishbowl.
• Mr. Turner: Bongos are my jam!

[Cut to Mrs. Turner in front of the bathroom mirror. She tries to put on lipstick but smears it around her mouth. Cut to Timmy and Chloe looking out a window. Squirrels fall out of a shaking tree. A car alarm is sounding. A house sinks into the ground]

• People: [offscreen] Bongo-quake!

[Cut to the Crockers' house]

• Mr. Crocker: People said it couldn't be done, but after 37 years of emergency room visits, I've finally balanced a perfect archway of 16-pound bowling balls! At last, the world will respect me! Press "record", Mother!
• Mrs. Crocker: [holding a phone] What's your password?
• Crocker: Curse you, Mother!
• Mrs. Crocker: That's not very nice, Denzel.
• Crocker: No! That's my password!

[Cut to Mr. Turner]

• Mr. Turner: Big finish!

[Mr. Turner continues playing. Cut to Mr. Crocker as the archway shakes. He screams and the archway collapses over him. Cut to the Turners' house]

• Chloe: [bouncing on the floor] This tickles and hurts at the same time! Ow! [laughs] Ow! [laughs]
• Timmy: [bouncing on the floor] My bones are in different places!

[Mrs. Turner tackles Mr. Turner and takes the bongos]

• Mrs. Turner: Show's over, honey!
• Mr. Turner: You're not the boss of me, weird clown!
• Mrs. Turner: I'm sorry, but you are forbidden from ever playing the bongos in this house again. Or anywhere people have ears. [leaves]
• Mr. Turner: Geh! But they love me in Bongoladesh!
• Timmy: Bongoladesh isn't a real place, Dad! You made it up!
• Mr. Turner: What matters is that my family is taking away the only thing I love! You're mean! I'm running away! [runs off crying]
• Timmy: See you at dinner, Dad.
• Mr. Turner: No, you won't! [beat] Wait, what are we having? Doesn't matter, I'm leaving! Unless it's spare ribs. Call me if it's spare ribs! Running away again! Don't forget to call! Beef! Not pork! [exits the house offscreen]
• Chloe: Okay, so that happened. It's time to poof into mermaids!
• Timmy: No way. Never. Not gonna happen.

[Cosmo and Wanda appear in fairy form]

• Cosmo: Wish granted!

[Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Fade to the ocean. Chloe appears as a mermaid]

• Chloe: [gasps] This is the best! I'm a mermaid!

[Timmy appears as a mermaid with long hair]

• Timmy: This is the worst! I'm a mermaid! Cosmo, poof me back!
• Cosmo: [as an electric eel] You got it, Tina!
• Timmy: Timmy!

[Cosmo and Wanda, a pufferfish, raise their wands, and Cosmo electrocutes them]

• Cosmo: Uh-oh. I shorted out our wands. Maybe being an electric eel wasn't the best choice.
• Wanda: When have you ever made the best choice? And what kinda weird fish did you make me?
• Cosmo: You're a puffer fish, Wanda. Whenever you get startled, you inflate like a freaky balloon!

[Cosmo shocks Wanda, and she screams and inflates]

• Cosmo: Like that!

[Wanda floats away]

• Timmy: Okay, let's just pick up the stupid ocean junk and get this over with so I can get out of this bikini top.
• Chloe: But Timmy, you look so cute!
• Cosmo: Cute? He's a knock-out!

[Cut to Timmy and Chloe going to pick up trash on the seabed]

• Timmy: Hey, my whoopee cushion collection! My parents said these were stolen by novelty store bandits!

[Two mermen blow conch shells. They and other merpeople appear on the horizon]

• Chloe: Gah! Merpeople! They're my merpeeps!
• King Neptuna: Greetings, newcomers! I am Neptuna, King of Atlantis, and I commend your attempts to clean our home. You are truly eco-warriors.
• Chloe: Gah! I'm a mermaid and an eco-warrior! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm Chloe, and this is Timmy!
• Neptuna: Timmy? That's a strange name for such a beautiful mermaid.
• Timmy: I'm a dude, dude.
• Cosmo: Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that, Tina.

[Cosmo puts his tail around Timmy and shocks him. Timmy screams. Wanda flies by as she deflates]

• Neptuna: But alas, your efforts to save our world are akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. [pointing] Which is right over there... if you're interested in checking it out.
• Chloe: But Your Royalness, why would cleaning up the ocean ever be a waste of time?

[Bongo music starts]

• Chloe: Huh?

[Merpeople flee screaming as rocks fall]

• Neptuna: Because we are doomed! We've been invaded by a horrible sea monster. As you can see, the monster's roar is disrupting the whales' sonar and making it impossible for schools of little fish to concentrate on reading, writing and fish-metic.
• Chloe: I volunteer us! We'll save you from the sea monster!
• Timmy: And by "we", she means her!
• Neptuna: You can stay behind, beautiful Tina. Perhaps you can spend a little one-on-one time with my lonely son, Gary. Can you believe he doesn't have a girlfriend?
• Gary: [chuckles] You're purdy.

[A close-up of Gary shows he has hairy pimples, crooked teeth, and mucus in his nose and mouth]

• Timmy: Well, I'm off to battle that sea monster. [swims away]
• Gary: I'll wait for you!

[Cut to Timmy, Chloe, and the fairies swimming to a cave]

• Timmy: Oh, boy. Hanging with lonely Gary is starting to look pretty good right now.
• Chloe: I still can't believe I'm a mermaid and an eco-warrior! My life could end right now and I'd be happy.

[Bongo music makes rocks fall]

• Timmy: Ahh! Sounds like there's a decent chance of that happening!

[The four enter the cave and Timmy and Chloe gasp; there is a pair of red glowing lights in the darkness]

• Cosmo: I'm scared, Wanda! Hold me!

[Cosmo clings to Wanda and shocks her, and she screams and inflates]

• Wanda: I wanna be an eel!

[Wanda starts deflating, and she flies around and hits the thing in the darkness. It lights up, revealing itself to be a little submarine with a dome in which Mr. Turner is playing bongos]

• Timmy: Ahh! The sea monster's my dad!
• Mr. Turner: Ooo! Fish fans! Welcome to my undersea man cave, bongo lovers! According to the weird clown at my house, I'm allowed to play here because fish don't have ears!
• Chloe: We're not fish! We're merpeople!
• Mr. Turner: Eh, fish-tay-to, fish-tah-to. You wanna hear "Bongo with the Flow" or "Wake Me Up Before You Bong-Go-Go"?
• Timmy: You can't play the bongos! You're destroying the ocean!
• Mr. Turner: All I heard was "Play!" [continues playing]

[Cut to Neptuna on a throne]

• Neptuna: With my eco-warriors on the case, I can sit back, relax, and sip some scalding hot soup.

[The bongo music makes Neptuna spill the soup on himself and he screams. Merpeople cover their ears. A whale covering its ears bumps into a pipe and oil leaks out of it. Merpeople and fish gasp and cough]

• Neptuna: Destroying the ocean is one thing, but spilling my soup is the last straw! We must defeat the sea monster! Underwater army, attack!

[Neptune blows a conch shell. Other merpeople hold up tridents and they take off along with fish, narwhals, and Neptuna]

• Neptuna: We've been over this. Pick up the pace, sea snails!

[The three snails slowly move forward. Cut to the cave]

• Timmy: Stop playing!
• Mr. Turner: But I'm coming up to my big solo!
• Chloe: The whole thing is a solo! You're playing alone!
• Mr. Turner: [squeals] More adoring fans!

[Neptuna and his army are approaching]

• Mr. Turner: They love me so much, they're bringing me giant forks!

[A trident is thrown at the dome and it cracks. Bubble wipe to Mr. Turner wearing an air helmet and standing in a clam's shell. Merpeople are pointing tridents at him]

• Neptuna: Sea monster, you will now pay for destroying our world with your sonic weapon.

[Neptuna zaps the bongos with his trident, destroying them. Cosmo screams and shocks Wanda, who inflates and floats away]

• Mr. Turner: Hmm, I'm sensing some tension. How about if I lighten up the mood with my rendition of "And Bongo Was His Name-O?"

[Mr. Turner starts playing another pair of bongos. The rupture in the pipe, which is under repair, reopens and oil leaks out. Neptuna spears the bongo set with his trident]

• Neptuna: Sea monster, the dreadful sounds you make will hereby cease forever!
• Mr. Turner: Are you calling my bongo playing dreadful? You're mean! I'm running away!

[The clam shell closes]

• Mr. Turner: [shouts] Guess not! Why do clowns and fish and things with ears hate me?
• Neptuna: Don't worry. That won't be a problem much longer. You're about to be digested by that clam.
• Mr. Turner: Okay, that makes me feel a little bit better. No, wait, what?
• Chloe: Timmy, I feel terrible. We're gonna get a bad grade on our science project, and your dad's being eaten by a clam! I don't know what's worse!
• Mr. Turner: I'll tell you what's worse! Being eaten by a clam! Although I could end up being the world's biggest pearl! So that's a thing!

[Timmy, Chloe, and Neptuna gasp as the oil spreads toward them. Mermaids and a fish scream. Neptuna and another merman try to put the pipe back together]

• Timmy: Chloe, I have an idea. Let's never do a school project together again. Also, I know how to save my dad and plug the oil leak. All we have to do is—
• Chloe: Get him to play the bongos so loud that he causes a rock slide that plugs the leak?
• Timmy: Yes! Why don't you ever let me say the plans?! Sea monster, I know you have more bongos on you!

[Mr. Turner sitting beside a 100-pack crate of bongos]

• Mr. Turner: Maybe.
• Timmy: You gotta play your heart out!
• Mr. Turner: Oh, sure! After you insulted me, now you want me to play! Wow, this clam could use a breath mint!
• Chloe: What would it take to get you to play, Mr. Sea Monster?

[The clam seemingly prints out a paper]

• Timmy: [reading the paper] He wants his own trailer. And somebody else's trailer.

[Another paper comes out of the clam]

• Chloe: [reading the paper] And a little Chihuahua he can carry in a purse. And the purse. And a lactose-intolerant cheese plate.
• Mr. Turner: Real cheese makes me toot!
• Timmy: How 'bout we just clap for you?
• Mr. Turner: That sounds great!

[Timmy and Chloe start clapping, and he starts playing bongos. The clam spits him out. Rocks fall toward the leak but do not stick in it]

• Chloe: He needs to play louder!
• Wanda: We're on it! Cosmo!

[Cosmo shocks Mr. Turner, making him glow with electricity]

• Mr. Turner: [screams] Ooo! I've gone electric! Sorry, fans of acoustic folk bongo!

[Mr. Turner starts playing faster and louder. Boulders fall on the leak and cover it. Merpeople cheer]

• Mr. Turner: Thank you, Atlantis! Good night! [rides away on a whale's tail]
• Neptuna: The sea monster has saved us!
• Timmy: He-hey, the whole thing was my idea!
• Neptuna: Well, then, Tina, you shall be rewarded.
• Timmy: Yes! What do I get?
• Neptuna: Gary's hand in marriage.
• Gary: I like to cuddle.
• Timmy: Ugh. Thank you, Atlantis! Good night! [swims toward the surface]
• Gary: I'll wait for you.

[Cut to the Crockers' house]

• Crocker: [wearing a full body cast] People said it couldn't be done! Especially with a crushed pelvis. But I have balanced a perfect archway of slippery sharp 74-pound anvils! Press "record", Mother!
• Mrs. Crocker: Ooo, let's put on some mood music first. I found this CD buried in an abandoned mine shaft. [loads the CD into a boombox]
• Mr. Turner: [via the boombox] It's bongo time!

[Bongo music starts and the archway collapses over Crocker]

• Crocker: Gah! Mother! Pelvis! Gah! [dizzily] Am I famous yet?

[Iris out on Crocker's eyes. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]

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