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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Dadbra-Cadabra" from Season 7, which aired on October 2, 2009.
Script[]
[Fade in on Dimmsdale Elementary School on Parent Talent Night. People cheer and applaud in the gymnasium]
- Mr. Crocker: Ladies and gentlemen, I can't tell you what a thrill it is to be hosting Parent Talent Night. And that's because... it isn't a thrill! Gah! I've wasted my life! Anyway! Please give a lukewarm welcome to Timmy Turner's dad and his stupid magic hat.
[Angle on Timmy sitting in the audience. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof are in the fishbowl between his legs]
- Timmy: Oh no, not my dad! Every year, he totally humiliates me with the same lame magic act!
- Mr. Turner: [from behind a stage curtain] I'll make you proud, Timmy!
[Mr. Turner's top hat falls off his head and a teddy bear falls out of it. He reaches for the teddy bear, but his foot snags the curtain, and he trips and gets tangled in a rope backstage. The rope, which is on a pulley, lifts him up, making the sandbag on the other end crush Crocker, who screams. He gnaws through the rope and falls on the hat, and the audience laughs]
- Mr. Turner: Thank you! And now for my next trick...
- Timmy: [glances at his hands] Wait a minute... I just had an idea!
- Cosmo: Really? What's that like?
- Timmy: My dad doesn't need magic; I have magic! Guys! I wish my dad's magic hat would finally work!
- Wanda: Oh, I don't know, sport. Magic can be dangerous in the wrong hands.
- Cosmo: I'm living proof of that! Done! [grants the wish]
- Mr. Turner: I will now pull something that's probably not a rabbit out of my hat! [pulls a rabbit out of the hat] Hey, how'd that happen? I mean, ta-da!
[The audience blinks, then cheers and applauds]
- Mr. Turner: Ooh, it works! Let me try that again... [pulls another rabbit out] and again... [again] and again! [pulls a surly rabbit out] Man, I'm good!
- Bucky the Talking Rabbit: Here we go. Put me back!
- Mr. Turner: Hey! This one talks! [he tosses Bucky away and starts launching more rabbits out of the hat] Ha-ha!
[The audience cheers]
- Mr. Turner: And last but not least... [pulls Timmy out of the hat]
- Timmy: [blinks] Ha-ha! [the audience cheers]
- Crocker: There's only one way someone who was so previously lame could do such fantastic feats of magic. Turner's dad is obviously a... [spasming] fairy! Okay! I'm canceling the rest of the show and declaring Timmy's dad the winner! Now where did I put that trophy?
- Mr. Turner: [pulling it out of the hat] You mean this trophy?
[Mr. Turner and Timmy take a bow. The audience cheers, and a crowd carries Timmy and his father out of the school. Rabbits follow]
- Crocker: I've spent my life trying to prove the existence of fairies! And all I have to show for it is this photo of a fairy fanny and the scorn of my peers. But now I have something better! Turner's fairy dad! He's all the proof I need...
- Bucky: I'm guessing' you were a lonely child...
- Crocker: Is it that obvious? Uh... I mean... [snickers evilly and sneaks away]
[Fade to the Turners' kitchen]
- Timmy: Your magic act was awesome, Dad!
- Mrs. Turner: Thanks to you, dear, Timmy is the most popular boy in school!
[A group of screaming girls pop the window's glass out, and Mrs. Turner puts a plywood board over them]
- Mr. Turner: Ooh, watch your fingers, kids! Mrs. Turner has a hammer!
[Offscreen, Mrs. Turner boards up the window with the plywood and the girls shout "Ow!"]
- Mrs. Turner: To celebrate your big success, I'll cook your favorite dinner, dear. Whatever that is.
- Mr. Turner: Eeh... how about... [pulling a bull out of the hat] steak?
[The bull snorts. Mrs. Turner screams and runs away, and the bull runs after her]
- Mr. Turner: Eeh, I think you mean "Olé!" [screams and runs away from the charging bull]
[The fairies appear by Timmy]
- Timmy: Thanks for giving my dad the magic hat, guys.
- Wanda: I don't know, sport. I still say this is a bad idea.
- Cosmo: Oh, please, Wanda. What could possibly go wrong?
[The doorbell rings, and the fairies disappear. Mr. Turner opens the door, revealing Crocker disguised as a talent agent]
- Crocker: Hello. I'm big-time Hollywood agent Denzel DiCaprio. [gives Mr. Turner a business card] And this is my assistant, Bucky.
- Bucky: I can talk!
- Crocker: No one cares! [to Mr. Turner] You must be the renowned magician "the Astounding Timmy's Dad".
- Mr. Turner: Ooh, no. It's the Amazing Timmy's Dad, familiar-looking stranger.
- Timmy: Dad, that's Mr. Crocker.
- Mr. Turner: Nonsense, son. [reading Crocker's defaced card] This man is Denzel DiCaprio, big-time Hollywood agent and not a fifth-grade teacher. What can I do for you, Mr. DiCarpet-Odor? I mean, besides amaze you? [dances with rabbits]
- Crocker: It's what I can do for you: make you rich and famous! I've arranged a tour where you'll perform your magic before adoring crowds all across the nation!
- Mr. Turner: Oooh, great! Can my family go too?
- Timmy: Hold it, Dad. Mr. Crocker, I don't know what you're up to, but we're not going anywhere with you.
- Crocker: Kids on magic tours don't have to go to school.
- Timmy: We're in!
[Mr. Turner pulls a fake arm out of the hat and shakes Crocker's hand with it]
[Cut to Bucky, Timmy, Mr. Turner, and Crocker in Crocker's van. At a birthday party in Hoboken, Mr. Turner pulls a rabbit out of the hat and pulls the hat out of the rabbit's ear, and kids cheer. At a nightclub in St. Louis. Mr. Turner tosses six rabbits out of the hat, juggles them, then lets them land on his arms, and the audience cheers. He and the rabbits take a bow, and he slides the rabbits into the hat. A copy of Notoriety magazine with him on the cover spins into frame. Marquees from Atlantic City, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, and Broadway advertise his performances. Tickets to one of his performances are sold out. In Hollywood, he pulls the Statue of Liberty out of the hat, and the audience cheers and applauds. Rabbits on the statue wave. People throw roses at Mr. Turner, and he puts on the hat and pats it. Crocker is standing in the audience smiling maliciously when his cell phone rings]
- Bucky: [answers the call] Denzel DiCaprio's office. Bucky the speaking' rabbit speaking'.
- Crocker: [taking the phone] Gimme that! [turns on his earpiece] DiCaprio speaking... Yes, I represent the Amazing Timmy's Dad... What's that? You want to put him on national television? Well, what can I say but... peachy-keen! You hear that, Bucky? My plan is working like a charm! Tomorrow night, I'll expose Timmy's dad as a fairy to the world! And then everyone will finally know that I'm! Not! Crazy!
- Man: [whispering] You're talking to a rabbit...
- Crocker: What's your point, weirdo?
[Fade to National Television Studio. Crocker and Mr. Turner are in a dressing room]
- Crocker: This is it, Timmy's dad! National TV! The big time! [as Mr. Turner puts on pants behind a room divider] Soon everyone will know the name the Amazing Timmy's Dad!
- Mr. Turner: Yay! But I'm not the Amazing Timmy's Dad anymore!
[Pink smoke fills the screen. It clears up, revealing Mr. Turner in a Criss Angel–style outfit]
- Mr. Turner: I'm Dadbracadabra! Brain Freak!
[A Criss Angel Mindfreak–style Dadbracadabra title sequence in a barren desert begins]
- Mrs. Turner: [waving her arms] Wooooo!
[Mr. Turner's flaming eyes burn a dictionary definition for Dadbracadabra into a book. Flame projectors shoot fire out of the ground]
- Mr. Turner: [springs out of a trap door] Dadbracadabra!
[Cut back to the dressing room]
- Mr. Turner: And for my first trick, I'm going to learn to walk in these super tight jeans! [trying to walk makes him fall over]
- Crocker: Yes, you do that. In the meantime, I'll be on the stage setting up the cameras that will expose you as a fairy! I mean... to a wider audience! [sneaks away]
- Mr. Turner: [to his family] Ooh, guys! Isn't it exciting? Mr. DiCapri-Odor is going to make me rich and famous!
- Mrs. Turner: [carrying a chest] And I'll be able to hire someone to lug this heavy trunk full of rabbits. [her spine collapses] And fix my spine.
- Timmy: So, what are you going to pull out of your hat on TV, Dad?
- Mr. Turner: Oooh, [throwing the hat away] no hat tricks, Timmy. I'm going to take it up a notch by performing a death-defying escape act! [pulling down a chart outlining the act] Check it! I step inside this trunk, which will be chained shut by my new assistant—the Amazing Timmy's Mom!
- Mrs. Turner: [wearing a neck brace and a showgirl outfit] You mean Momma-gician!
- Mr. Turner: The trunk will then move down a conveyor belt into a bunch of super scary razor-sharp saws. And right before I get chopped into tiny pieces, I will magically escape and say... "Ta-da!" I'm on my way, Mr. Decaffeinated!
[Mr. Turner waddles away, and his wife follows him. The fairies appear]
- Wanda: Sport... don't you think your dad's getting a little carried away? That trick sounds awfully dangerous!
- Timmy: So what? He's got magic now. And I've got a TV, video games, and no school!
- Wanda: Timmy, all we gave him is a magic hat. That's not going to help him survive some death-defying escape trick!
- Timmy: Well, that's easy to fix. I wish my dad had the power to do his death-defying escape trick!
- Cosmo: Consider your dad saved!
[Cosmo grants the wish, changing the scene to a sound stage. The "on air" light turns on]
- Crocker: Ladies and gentlemen!
- Bucky: And rabbits.
- Crocker: I now present... Dadbracadabra!
[A stage curtain rises, revealing Mr. and Mrs. Turner and the set for the escape trick. The saws start spinning. Mr. Turner waddles into the trunk]
- Mrs. Turner: Sweetie, you have life insurance, right?
- Mr. Turner: Yyyyyyeah?
- Mrs. Turner: [closing the trunk] Okey-dokey!
[Mrs. Turner puts chains around the trunk, and it starts moving on the conveyor belt]
- Crocker: [offstage, to Bucky] As soon as Turner's dad finishes his stupid trick, you will ride out on your unicycle and tear off his shirt! Then everyone will see his fairy wings and know that I've been right all along about the existence of fairies!
- Bucky: Not to mention talking' rabbits.
- Crocker: Oh, let it go! Now shut your rabbit hole and wait for your cue.
[Bucky and Crocker go offscreen. Timmy and the fairies watch from behind a wall]
- Timmy: So that's what Mr. Crocker's been up to. He thinks my dad is a fairy! Ha! How stupid is that?
- Cosmo: Ha ha, yeah. Ha. Well, actually, Timmy...
- Wanda: Cosmo, what did you do?
- Cosmo: Well, [playing a harp] it was one minute ago. [narrating a flashback] Timmy wished his dad had the power to escape that trick, so I gave him the full fairy package... unlimited magic, the ability to fly, a supreme intellect, and of course...
- Timmy: No, don't say it!
- Cosmo: ...fairy wings!
- Wanda and Timmy: Cosmo!
- Cosmo: What's the big deal? [raises his wand] I'll just change him back!
[Timmy tackles Cosmo, making him drop his wand]
- Timmy: Nooooo! If you take away Dad's powers, he'll be cut to pieces!
[Brief cut to the saws]
- Timmy: But if you don't, Crocker will show everyone my dad has fairy wings!
- Cosmo: And government scientists will cut your dad to pieces! Boy, Timmy, you really messed up this time.
[The trunk is moving toward the saws. Timmy is biting his fingernails. Crocker is watching eagerly]
- Timmy: [looks around and snaps his fingers] There's only one solution!
[The saws destroy the trunk, and sawdust piles on the stage. Mrs. Turner screams]
- Bucky: Eh...
- Mr. Turner: [jumps out of the sawdust] Brain Freak!
[The audience cheers. Crocker kicks Bucky and his unicycle toward Mr. Turner]
- Timmy: Time for some payback. I wish my dad wasn't a fairy anymore... and Mr. Crocker was!
[Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Bucky rips Mr. Turner's shirt off]
- Crocker: A-ha! Eh? Wha? Huh? Wha? Where are the fairy wings?!
[Fairy wings sprout from Crocker's back, ripping his shirt and sweatshirt off]
- Crocker: What the— [screams]
- Timmy: Look, everyone! Mr. DiCaprio's a fairy!
- Crocker: What? No, I'm not! [starts floating] Oh no! There's only one explanation for this... Fairies have turned me into a fairy!
- Woman in Crowd: Look! He really is a fairy!
- Man in Crowd: And he needs to work out.
- Crocker: You try joining a gym on a teacher's salary!
- Audience Member #1: Let's make him grant our wishes!
- Audience Member #2: Let's stuff him in a sack and sell him to government scientists!
- Audience Member #3: Let's make him put his shirt back on!
[Crocker screams and tries to run away, instead only slowly floating. A cheering crowd gives chase, and he flies into the sky]
- Timmy: That was amazing, Dad! I'm so proud of you! But I guess you'll be going on the road permanently now.
- Mr. Turner: Ooh, no, Timmy! I'm done with magic. All I wanted was for you to be proud of me! Besides, these super tight jeans cut off the blood to my brain! [falls over]
[Fade to Crocker in the sky]
- Crocker: Oh joy! Being a fairy is the best thing ever! I can fly! I'm magic! Nothing can hurt me now!
[Cut to outside the Turners' house. Timmy's bedroom light turns on]
- Timmy: [offscreen] I almost forgot. I wish Mr. Crocker wasn't a fairy anymore.
[The wish is granted, and the light turns off. Crocker screams and falls into trash cans outside the house. The parents' bedroom light turns on]
- Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Honey! Mr. DiCappuccino is in our garbage!
[Iris out on Crocker. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
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OY!C ★ 1 ★ 2 ★ 3 ★ 4 ★ 5 ★ 6 ★ 7 ★ 8 ★ 9 ★ 10 | ||
#01 Anti-Poof | #02 Add-a-Dad | #03 Squirrely Puffs |
#04 Mice Capades | #05 Formula For Disaster | #06 Bad Heir Day |
#07 Freaks & Greeks | #08 Fly Boy | #09 Temporary Fairy |
#10 Crocker Shocker | #11 Super Zero | #12 Dadbra-Cadabra |
#13 Timmy Turnip | #14 One Man Banned | #15 Frenemy Mine |
#16 Chicken Poofs | #17 Stupid Cupid | #18 Double-Oh Schnozmo! |
#19 Planet Poof | #20 The Boss Of Me | #21 He Poofs He Scores |
#22 Playdate of Doom | #23 Teacher's Pet | #24 Manic Mom-Day |
#25 Crocker of Gold | #26 Beach Blanket Bozos | #27 Poltergeeks |
#28 Old Man and the C- | #29 Balance of Flour | #30 Food Fight |
#31 Please Don't Feed The Turners | #32 Take and Fake | #33 Cosmo Rules |
#34 Lights Out | #35 Dad Overboard | #36 Farm Pit |
#37 Crock Talk | #38 Spellementary School | #39 Operation Dinkleberg |