Dad Overboard/Transcript

Episode	Trivia	Appearances	Gallery	Transcript

The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Dad Overboard"
Season	7
Episode	118B
Airdate	July 13, 2011
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Dad Overboard" from Season 7, which aired on July 13, 2011.

Transcript

[Fade in on the Turners' car. Mr. and Mrs. Turner are bobbing from side to side along with a dashboard ornament. Timmy is in the back seat with the fishbowl Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof are in]

Mr. Turner: Hey, Turner family, this is gonna be the greatest vacation ever! One whole week at the Golden Carcass luxury motel in Tucson, Arizona! [Timmy sighs]

Wanda: Oh, what's wrong, sport? You don't seem too excited.

Timmy: It's just that my dad gets lost on the way to every vacation. [looks at the motel brochure and at the snowy landscape outside] Dad, I don't think we're in the desert.

Mr. Turner: Eeh, what makes you say that, Timmy?

Timmy: We just passed Santa's workshop.

Elves: Merry Christmas! [gasp. The car drives into elves and one ends up on the windshield and slides off]

Mrs. Turner: Timmy's right. We're lost.

Mr. Turner: Oh, nonsense, honey. Men have GPSeses for brains. [the car hits a "wrong way" sign] We never go the wrong way! [the car goes off a cliff and the Turners scream. The car gets stuck in a whale's blowhole and the whale blows it out]

Turners: Wrong way! [they scream as the car lands on a desert island. The car breaks apart]

Mr. Turner: [whimpers] Another elf on the windshield and another vacation gone horribly wrong! Just like our trip to Mount Saint Dimmsdale.

[In a flashback, Mr. Turner drives up a volcano by the Dimmsdale sign. The Turners scream and the car falls in]

Mr. Turner: And our trip to the Big Apple.

[In a flashback, he drives up a volcano by a big apple near New York. The Turners scream and the car falls in]

Mr. Turner: And our trip to Dragon Country Safari.

[In a flashback, he drives up a volcano by a castle and a dragon breathes fire on the car. The Turners scream and the car falls into the volcano]

Mr. Turner: No! I can't ruin another vacation. I know. I'll build a boat and sail my family to safety! And I won't feel like a man 'til I do. I'll just feel like a woman named Linda. [puts on lipstick and walks off]

Mrs. Turner: And I'll do what I always do on these vacations: light a signal fire and gather coconuts. [walks off. The fairies turn back to normal]

Wanda: I feel bad for your father, sport. Maybe I should just poof us all back home.

Timmy: Nope. You heard my dad. He's not gonna feel better unless he saves us. Besides, he and the elf are handling things just fine. [working on a bamboo raft, Mr. Turner hits his thumb with a coconut]

Mr. Turner: Geh! [falls over] Linda broke her fingernail!

Timmy: Anyway, while my dad works on saving us, I'm gonna enjoy an actual vacation. [an MP3 player and a smoothie appear in his hands. A hammock appears and he lies on it] Ah, this is the life. Kickin' back on the beach with no school and no Mr. Crocker. [drinks] Wonder what he's doin' now.

[Cut to Crocker's classroom]

Mr. Crocker: [stamping "F" on Sanjay's face] F! Hmm. It just doesn't feel the same. [puts a pink hat on Sanjay] Here. Put these on. [puts buck teeth in Sanjay's mouth] F! [Sanjay is blown away] Oh, still no good. Without Turner to humiliate, my life has lost all meaning. I don't feel like a man anymore. I feel like a woman named Linda. [puts on lipstick, leaves the room, and closes the door on his hand] Gah! Linda broke her fingernail!

[Cut to Timmy]

Mrs. Turner: Timmy, I stole these berries from an angry monkey. Would you try them to see if they're poisonous?

Timmy: [holding up a plate with a sandwich and fries] No need for poisonous berries, Mom.

Mrs. Turner: Wow. Where did you get a smoothie, club sandwich, and curly fries?

Timmy: Uh, I snared them in a net?

Mrs. Turner: Oh, you're quite the little survivor. Hm. Unlike your father, Linda.

Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Linda heard that!

Timmy: [walking] Dad, I brought you a sandwich and a drink. Whoa! What is this?

Mr. Turner: Eeh, it's a boat store. Everyone knows you can't get a boat without a boat store!

Timmy: Uh, wouldn't it be easier to just build a boat?

Mr. Turner: Sure, Timmy. And it would be easier to count to seven if seven came before five. But life doesn't work that way.

Timmy: Okay. Look, I think you've been out in the sun a little too long. Why don't you put on some sunblock?

Mr. Turner: [laughs] No need, son. [lifting up the octopus on his head] I'm wearing a hat. [turns around, revealing his blistering back, and leaves. The fairies appear as coconuts on a tree and fall on Timmy]

Wanda: Timmy, I think your dad's gone a little crazy. Shouldn't we poof back to Dimmsdale now?

Timmy: No! If my dad doesn't save us on his own, we'll have to call him Linda forever and he'll feel totally useless.

[Cut to a Dimmsdale street]

Crocker: I feel totally useless. Oh, Linda, what are you going to do? Without Turner to destroy, you've become a shell of a woman. [a wrecking ball crane shows up]

Demolition Chief: Clear the area. This building is about to be demolished.

Crocker: That's it! I can't destroy Turner, [painting Timmy's head on the building] but maybe watching something else get destroyed will cheer me up! [the wrecking ball destroys the painting] Nothing. I feel nothing. [the building collapses on him and he screams] Okay, I felt that.

[Transition to the island]

Timmy: Thanks for the waterslide, guys. [starts going down the slide] Wahoo! [lands in a pool] Now how about poofing me up a frozen yogurt stand? [Cosmo and Wanda do so. A frozen yogurt cone appears on the counter] Oh, yeah. [he, Cosmo, and Wanda lick up frozen yogurt]

Mrs. Turner: Ooh, look! [as Cosmo and Wanda appear on Timmy as a coconut bra] A waterslide and a frozen yogurt stand. I wonder where those came from.

Timmy: Uh, global warming?

Mrs. Turner: Well, that makes sense. [leaves with a cone]

Cosmo: And I better check on Poof. [poofs to him] I promised I'd help him build a sand castle.

Poof: Poof poof? [he has made a life-size sand castle]

Cosmo: Well, it's a start, Poof, [poofing up a moat] but you totally forgot the moat! [an alligator in the moat eats him. Poof blinks, then shovels until he hits something hard. He blows sand off it, revealing a bomb with a 30-minute timer]

Poof: Poof poof?

[Cut to a sign reading "grand opening" being hammered into the ground]

Mr. Turner: Timmy! Ooh! You're just in time for the grand opening of Linda's boat store! [the elf cuts a ribbon in front of the boat store. Mr. Turner opens the front doors]

Timmy: Whoa. All we have to do is take one of these boats and sail home.

Mr. Turner: Timmy, we can't just take a boat. That would be stealing. We have to buy one from the boat salesman. But I haven't built him yet. [the octopus holds up a power saw]

Timmy: Where'd you get the power saw?

Mr. Turner: I borrowed it from Stanley over at the hardware store I built. It's right next to the laundromat! [the elf is about to place a man made from bamboo, leaves, and a coconut in front of the hardware store] Hi, Stanley! I see you're out for a stroll with the missus! [a bird takes the coconut head of the fake woman beside Stanley. Mr. Turner leaves]

Timmy: Wanda was right. We need to get my dad outta here.

[Cut to the bomb]

Cosmo: What did you find, Poof?

Poof: [picks up the bomb] Poof poof?

Cosmo: Wow! Just what I always wanted! A bomb-shaped alarm clock! What's this button do? [presses a button labeled "Don't push!" The timer starts. A magnetic force comes from the bomb and makes Poof's and Cosmo's hair stand on end and attracts the fairies' crowns] Aw, I was hoping it was the radio. Stupid alarm clock! Let's hit it with a hammer! [he and Poof start hammering the bomb. Cut to a timer on a control panel in a military facility]

Sergeant Flinch: Uh, General McCloud? Uh, remember that bomb we lost?

General McCloud: Which one, Sergeant Flinch? We're the U.S. military! We lose bombs every day!

Flinch: Uh, i-i-it's the one that looks like a big alarm clock. Well, it's been activated.

McCloud: Fantastic! A depressed fifth-grade teacher has brought his class on a field trip! They're gonna love watching an island explode!

Crocker: [as his students cheer] Is the island named Timmy?

[Cut to Timmy riding Wanda as an ATV]

Timmy: Woo-hoo! [beat] Wanda? What's that humming sound? [Wanda is attracted by the bomb, making him fall off]

Cosmo: Hey, guys. [Timmy's hair stands on end] Man, are you having a bad hair day.

Wanda: Cosmo, [turns back to normal] what is that thing? [her crown sticks to the bomb]

Cosmo: Oh, this? Just a stupid alarm clock. Wanna know the time? It's 10:29. 10:28. 10:27.

Wanda: Cosmo, that's a bomb!

Timmy: A bomb?! You guys gotta poof me and my parents outta here right now! [Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands, which stick to the bomb. Cosmo tries to pry his off but his arm comes off]

Wanda: Uh-oh! That bomb's putting out a magnetic field that's affecting our magic!

Timmy: Oh, no! Now the only one who can save us is my dad! [after a beat, everyone screams. Timmy runs into the boat store] Dad, we gotta get outta here fast! There's a bomb on the island!

Mr. Turner: No problem, Timmy. I just bought a boat from Eduardo here. Eduardo, [shaking a coconut man's hand] you've got yourself a deal. [Eduardo falls apart and his head rolls into a boat. All the boats break apart, followed by the store]

Timmy: Oh, no. This is a disaster.

Mr. Turner: You're telling me! Eduardo's hurt bad. It's a good thing I built a hospital next to the airport. We could take that plane home, but I don't know how to fly. [gasps] I better gonna go build a flight school.

Timmy: Ah! Dad, listen to me! You wanted to save our family, right? This is your big chance.

Mr. Turner: Well, we could always use the submarine, I guess. [presses a key fob button that makes the car come out of the ocean. Fish and dolphins chirp] With all the spare time I had, I converted the station wagon into an amphibious vehicle.

Timmy: That's awesome! I'll get Mom. [runs off]

Mr. Turner: And I'll get Stanley and his headless wife!

[Cut to the military facility. A bomb shape flashes on multiple screens]

McCloud: [to the class] Welcome to the tour! It's your lucky day! You get to watch an island blow up! [his spit runs down the class's faces] Have a complimentary juice box! [a screen shows the Turners running past the bomb. Timmy is holding the fishbowl the fairies are in]

Flinch: General McCloud, the island's inhabited.

Crocker: [drinks juice and does a spit take] It's Turner! He's about to be destroyed for real! [the class looks worried] Suddenly I feel alive again!

McCloud: We can't blow up a populated island, Linda! Besides, there's an elf on it! We'll all end up on Santa's naughty list! Deactivate that bomb, sergeant! [Flinch grabs a lever]

Crocker: Nooo! [his juice spills on the control panel the lever is on and shorts it out]

Flinch: Say, the circuits are fried. I can't stop the bomb from detonating.

Crocker: Hooray! [McCloud glares at him] I mean, oops. Can you zoom in on the kid with the beaver teeth?

[Cut to the island]

Mr. Turner: Hang on, everyone! I'll save you or my name isn't Linda! [he and his wife dump the elf and the coconut people's bodies into the car]

Timmy: Hurry! Who knows how much time we have 'til that bomb explodes? [his parents dive into the car]

Cosmo: I know! We have five, [takes out the bomb] four, three...

Timmy: Cosmo, get rid of that bomb! [Cosmo throws the bomb. Timmy gets in the car, which Mr. Turner drives underwater. The bomb explodes, as seen in the military facility. The class cries]

Crocker: Hooray! Best tour ever! [Flinch whimpers, then gasps. The car rises from the ocean]

Flinch: Good news, kids. [Crocker is dancing] Everyone on the island made it to safety. [Crocker stops. The class cheers]

Crocker: [falls over; crying] Nooo! Mother, my mother!

McCloud: Now, now, Linda. A pretty lady like you shouldn't cry.

[Cut to the Turners cheering]

Timmy: You did it, Linda! I mean, Dad!

Mrs. Turner: You're a hero!

Timmy: That was the best vacation ever! [Mr. Turner drives ashore]

Mrs. Turner: [shivering] Honey, I think you're going the wrong way again.

Mr. Turner: Am not! [drives through Santa's workshop. Santa ends up on the windshield and glares at him] Ooh. We are so going to be on Santa's naughty list.

Turners: [as the car goes up a volcano] Wrong way! [they scream as the car falls into the volcano]

Santa: Ho ho ho! [falls into the volcano]

[Iris out. The end title card is shown]

Mr. Turner: [in voice-over] Linda!

[Fade to black]

Previous Episode	Dad Overboard Ep. Guide	Next Episode