Dolores-Day Crocker: Oh Denzel, what's become of you?
Denzel Crocker: Isn't it obvious? I'm a hideous goo monster!
Dolores-Day Crocker: I'm talking about your life! You're nothing but a crackpot who wastes all his time chasing fairies! [then she takes a broom and smacks Crocker with it]

Crocker: [grabs the broom holding it horizontal with his mother dangled to it] FREEZE! YOU CRAZY WITCH!!!!!!
[Freezes his mother with an ice gun]
Crocker: My obsession with FAIRIES has yielded nothing but disaster. There's only one sane thing to do, find another crazy obsession! Let's go to the wheel of destiny! [he pulls a lever, making a wall flip and reveal the wheel] One spin away from a whole new life! [he spins the wheel which stops at 'women' ] Maybe I should go for something a little more realistic. Come on Unicorns!

Crocker: Ah, Little Ireland. Everything is so green here. Even the stoplights. [noise of car crashing]

Timmy: Cosmo, what are we doing here? I said I wish not Irish.

Cosmo: ...then, the great potato looks in the mirror to see if he's the fairest potato of them all. If he's not, he gives the hotter-looking potato a poison apple!

Crocker: Eureka! I've captured a leprechaun! Wait, maybe I should say something more Irish. Shiver me timbers!

Wanda: Cosmo, fairies aren't allowed to poof up money! Where'd you get a pot of gold?
Cosmo: From some leprechauns, duh.
Wanda: Which ones? Some of them can be really dangerous.
Timmy: Come on, aren't they all just harmless little green twerps who sell soap on TV?

Lucky: Our gold's been stolen again, by a wee paid laddie named Cosmoooooo
Timmy: How do you know it was Cosmoooooo?
Greeny: He left a note. [holds up a note that says 'I tuk yer gold, Cosmoooooo]
Wanda: [to Cosmo] You left a note!?
Cosmo: It's called manners, Wanda. Look it up.

[after Lucky and Greeny take Wanda and Poof on their bikes]
Cosmo: Timmy, we gotta get Poof and Wanda back. She has to pay for lunch.
Timmy: Don't worry, Cosmo. We just have to get that gold from Mr. Crocker before he spends any of it.
[at the Big $tuff! store]
Crocker: I've spent all of it!

Timmy: All we need is three perfect tens and we'll win the gold medal.
Judge #1: Ten! [holds up a 10 card]
Judge #2: Ten! [also holds up a 10 card]
Crocker: F! [holds up an F card while Timmy and Cosmo glare at him] Sorry, force of habit.

[at an old gold mine]
Crocker: We'll just mine our own gold!
Cosmo: Okay, but be on the lookout for eight fairytale dwarves.
Timmy: I thought there were only seven.
Cosmo: No, everyone always forgets the eighth dwarf, Crazy.
[A group of dwarves that were being chased by Crazy run past them. Then they too begin to run while being followed by Crazy holding a chainsaw]
Crocker: Note to self: take dwarves off the wheel of destiny!

Crocker: Fairies! And just when I've given up chasing them! That's so not fair.
[later, when Crocker realizes Cosmo isn't a leprechaun]
Crocker: Wait a minute, even the stupid leprechaun is a FAIRY!? That's even more so not fair!

Timmy: Sorry about your gold.
Big Dave: It wasn't the gold we cared about, we just wanted the pot back.
Greeny: It's a McPunchie family heirloom.
Talking Car: I've still got the pot. It's in my trunk.
Crocker: Don't tell them that! I was going to use it as a planter.

Crocker: Well, the leprechaun was a total bust. So it's back to the wheel of destiny! [goes to spin the wheel, which stops at 'dwarves' ] Dwarves! No way, I'm not going back to Crazy!
Dolores-Day Crocker: You're already there, you numbskull!

The Great Potato: Happy Leprechanuka, everybody!

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