The Fairly OddParents episode transcript
"Crime Wave"
Season №: 3
Episode №: 37A
Airdate: October 10, 2003
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents episode, "Crime Wave" from season 3, which aired on October 10, 2003.


(Episode begins at the Turners' house)

  • Timmy: But, Mom, I don't see why I have to take a bath.
  • Mrs. Turner: That's because the dirt's blocking your eyes. (Mr. and Mrs. Turner pull out tools and Timmy screams) (Mrs. Turner catches him and Mr. Turner takes off Timmy's clothes and puts him in the tub)
  • Timmy: You mean, you're not going to stay here just to make sure I take it?
  • Mr. Turner: Oh, ho, ho, Timmy. You're 10. You're old enough to be naked in a tub of water all by yourself now!
  • Mrs. Turner: Besides...
  • Both: We totally trust you. (they block the door)
  • Mr. Turner: See you in 11 minutes.
  • Timmy: Well, at least I have my trusty Crimson Chin comic book to pass the time. (looks in the book) Oh, no!
  • Wanda: What's the matter, Timmy?
  • Cosmo: Besides the fact, that we're swimming in your filth.
  • Timmy: Oh, man. This is last month's comic. The one where he saved Chincinnati from H2Olga.
  • Cosmo: H2Olga? She retains water and evil.
  • Timmy: So I can't have a nice, relaxing soak in the tub with last month's Crimson Chin. I need this month's. I wish I was at the comic store.
  • Wanda: What about your parents?
  • Cosmo: I don't think they read comics.
  • Timmy: I can be there and back before they even know I'm gone. (Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish) (they poof Timmy to the comic store but he appears naked) Cool, I'm at the comic store. Not cool, I'm naked at the comic store! (screams)
  • Boy: Do my eyes deceive me? Was that the cry of Naked Lad? (they look at Timmy)
  • Another boy: Let's get his naked autograph. (Timmy screams and runs away)
  • Boy: I told you he had super naked speed. (cuts back to the Turners' house)
  • Wanda: Well, what do you want to do next?
  • Cosmo: Let's see how long we can hold our breath underwater. (inhales)
  • Wanda: But you're a fish. You don't have to hold your breath.
  • Cosmo: What? (Wanda inhales) (cuts to the Daily Blabbity)
  • Beverly: Oh, Charles. I appreciate you for watching my niece for me this afternoon. (baby coos)
  • Crimson Chin: (As Charles) Oh, it's my pleasure, Beverly Boulevard, non-super powered reporter for the Daily Blabbity. It is my hope for doing something nice for you, you will in-turn fall in love with me, the sensitive caring man who's always pined for you.
  • Beverly: What?
  • Crimson Chin: Oops, did that come out of my mouth? That was supposed to stay in a thought bubble. (Beverly leaves) After all, how much trouble can one baby be? (baby pukes on him and then poops) Well, now that it's empty, at least things can't get any worse. (baby cries) (he changes the diaper and baby cries) (he changes it again and baby laughs) (he changes it again) Whew!
  • H2Olga: Help! Help!
  • Crimson Chin: Great jaws of justice! That is clearly a cry of help from a hefty man! This looks like a job for the Crimson Chin. (He then proceeds to fly] And this odiferous young humanoid. (baby laughs) (cuts to outside of Dimmsdale)
  • Timmy: Oh, man! When Cosmo and Wanda poofed me out of the bathtub, they did it without dressing me first! If I don't get home in the next 10 minutes, Mom and Dad will know I didn't take my bath. They totally kill me, or worse, make me take another bath! I should get home in time. I just hope nobody sees me.
  • Dimmsdale Mayor: And now, Chompy and I are proud to announce our Dimmsdale street corner traffic cameras are finally up and running. We can now see what's going on any given street corner at any given time.
  • All: Ooh!
  • Chompy: Bah!
  • Dimmsdale Mayor: That's right, Chompy. And now flip the switch and send the streets of Dimmsdale into the future. (Chompy presses the button)(The camera shows Timmy naked)  Chompy, shield your eyes!
  • Timmy: (screams) Got to get home, quick, but on the bright as long as Mom and Dad don't need to go into the bathroom, I'll be okay. (cuts to the Turners' house)
  • Mr. Turner: Hey, honey. Let's have a water-drinking contest.
  • Mrs. Turner: Okay, just after I finish sprinkling these chocolate laxatives on my high fiber-Os. And for added fun, let's make it prune juice.
  • Mr. Turner: You're on. Prune me up, baby. (Mr. Turner drinks the water and Mrs. Turner eats the fiber-Os) (cuts to Chincinnati Park)
  • Crimson Chin: This is the scene that's the hefty man's scream is coming from... (gasps) Dancing dimples!
  • H2Olga: Help! Help!
  • Crimson Chin: H2Olga! You're the hefty man screaming for help?
  • H2Olga: That's right, Crimson Chin. I need help arranging your funeral once I use the control of my liquids to destroy you once and for all. (grunts and water goes into the Crimson Chin's eye) Ha, had enough?
  • Crimson Chin: Ha! Surrender, silly villain! There is no body of water large enough for you to smite me. (baby laughs) Oh, that's just adorable. Justice makes it giggle! (H2Olga's legs get bigger and she laughs)
  • H2Olga: Oh, Crimson Chin?
  • Crimson Chin: Yes? (H2Olga blasts him with her liquids and baby comes down to H2Olga)
  • H2Olga: Oh, you're so cute and innocent. I can't wait to raise you to be evil. (cuts to the Dimmsdale Museum of Science and Natural History)
  • Timmy: I'll just take this shortcut through the Dimmsdale Museum of Science and Natural History and I'll be home in no time.
  • Woman: Welcome to the Museum of Science and Natural History.
  • Timmy: Oh, no!
  • Chester: Why did you even drag here?
  • A.J.: I told you. They have a cool new display of our solar system.
  • Chester: Wow, that's cool! And by cool, I mean "Who cares?!"
  • Woman: Behold, the glory of our universe. (shows the solar system with Timmy under the moon)
  • Chester: Nice moon. Glad we came. (cuts back to Chincinnati Park)
  • Crimson Chin: Unhand that child that isn't mine!
  • H2Olga: Un...hand? That's a great idea. (her hand punches the Crimson Chin) (baby laughs) Huh! Evil makes it giggle. (her legs get bigger)
  • Crimson Chin: Beverly's niece is in danger. There's not a moment to... great jaws of justice! (a waterfall shows up but he rescues a boy and a dog) That's enough liquid for one issue, thank you. (the people on the bus scream)
  • Both: It's the Crimson Chin! (the Crimson Chin picks up the bus and moves the road over and puts the people on the top of the building)
  • Crimson Chin: Well, that's everybody. (screams)
  • H2Olga: Ha! Now that I destroyed this page of the book, there's nothing to stop me from destroying page 8.
  • Crimson Chin: No! That's where the staples are. Without them, the book will fall apart. Must... stop... H2Olga! (baby laughs) Hey, what's that on your arm?
  • H2Olga: Where? (the Crimson Chin burns her arm and she screams)
  • Crimson Chin: Made you look! (gets the baby and her diaper stretches) (baby laughs)
  • H2Olga: What? What is happening?
  • Crimson Chin: I'll tell you what's happening. Justice! (they go into H2Olga's body and she screams)
  • All: Yay, Crimson Chin!
  • H2Olga: I'll get out of here, Crimson Chin. And when I do... (baby poops) (screams)
  • Crimson Chin: It just goes to show you, Olga. When you live a life of crime, you'll always be Number 2. (he and the baby laugh) (cuts back to the Turners' house)
  • Mr. Turner: Timmy!
  • Wanda: What was that? (Parents are outside holding their stomachs in agony)
  • Mr. Turner: Deh! I can't believe I let you talk me into a water-drinking contest! (Mrs. Turner farts)
  • Wanda: Oh, no! It's Timmy's parents!
  • Cosmo: Oh, no! Back in the filth!
  • Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda! I wish I was back in the tub.
  • Both: Naked lad? (cat screeches) (Wanda grants the wish) (Mr. Turner chews on the door)
  • Mr. Turner: You're clean enough. (they push Timmy out of the bathroom) Out! (they block the door)
  • Timmy: Well, at least I'm naked in my own house.
  • Wanda: Speak for yourself.
  • Cosmo: (he's naked, too, while cleaning a disk) What? Everybody's doing it.
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