Class Clown/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Class Clown" from Season 4, which aired on June 14, 2004.

Script[]

Timmy: Thanks for taking me to the Planet of Seemingly Harmless Flowers, Cosmo! Trixie's gonna love this thing for sure!
Wanda: Seemingly harmless?
Cosmo: What? It's got the word "harmless" in it!!!
Timmy: There she is!
Trixie: I love them!
Trixie: I love them not.
Timmy: I'm gonna to make my move! Act natural!
Cosmo: (pecks)
Trixie: Timmy! Are you okay? Would you feel better if I dated you?
Tad: Looks like his tree bark...
Chad:...is worse than his overbite!
Tad and Chad: (laugh)
Trixie: That is so funny! I'd feel better if one of you funny guys dated me!
Cosmo: (laughs) They sure are funny! Maybe I should date them!
(Wanda spits some acorns out at Cosmo, leaving him dazed. He then laughs like Woody Woodpecker and faints.)
Timmy: I don’t get it! What do Tad and Chad have that I don’t?
Cosmo: You mean besides Trixie? And lots of money? And chins?
Veronica: Hey everybody! Look at my hip new outfit! It’s made of tissue paper, sugar, and powdered milk!
Timmy: YAAAAAAA!

[SFX: BAM!]

Tad: Look, Chad, it's Niagara Fools.
Tad, Chad, and Trixie: (laugh)
Crowd: (laugh)
Veronica: (shrieks)
Trixie: You guys are hilarious! Date me again!
Cosmo: Hey! You’re all wet! (Wanda and Timmy give him a glare) What? Not everybody can be as funny as Tad and Chad you know. No wonder she’s dating them again.
Timmy: This stinks! I wish somebody around here could teach me about romance!
Cosmo: Hey! What about me?!
Timmy: Good question! Hey Wanda, why’d you pick Cosmo? Can't be his charm or good looks or brains...
Cosmo: And while you two talk about that, I'm going to pour water all over this cat!
Cat: (hissing, screeching)
Wanda and Timmy: HAHAHAHAHA!!
Wanda: That’s why I chose Cosmo! Because he’s funny!
Timmy: Of course! Tad and Chad made Trixie laugh, and she said she'd date them! I wish I was the funniest person on Earth!
(Wanda raises her wand and a big poof cloud appears with the words “Ka-Funny”. Suddenly, a stage with a brick wall and a microphone appears in Timmy’s room. The brick wall has graffiti on it that reads “Tim’s Place.” Timmy then appears on stage and his outfit changes, now having a mullet and wearing a white coat over a pink shirt with a black tie and white heeled shoes. A bunch of candlelit tables appear in front of the stage as Cosmo and Wanda then appear as audience members at one of the. A fairy waitress floats over to them.)
Fairy Waitress: Can I take your order?
Cosmo: Yeah, I’ll have the funny fries, the chuckle chips, and the ha-ha hot sauce on the side.
Wanda: (to Timmy) How do you feel?
Timmy: Like I've been schmootzed in the schmehengie with a yaheidel!
(sparkles appear around Timmy. As Cosmo is eating, him and Wanda stand still for a second and begin to howl with laughter. Cosmo then tosses the sauce into Wanda’s face.)
Timmy: You thought that was funny?
(Cosmo and Wanda laughed even harder. Cosmo then sprays water into Wanda’s face, while she continues laughing.)
Timmy: It's working! And speaking of working... How about plumbers, huh? They work!
(Cosmo and Wanda keep laughing. Cosmo then poofs up a 1,000 lb weight above Wanda, which then falls onto her. Timmy’s alarm clock then goes off.)
Timmy: Oh my gosh! I'm late for school!
Cosmo and Wanda: (Still laughing) HE'S LATE!!! (Laughing continuously)
Timmy: You’ve been great! Uhh… tip your waitress!
(Timmy runs off the stage. The waitress is at the table with a platter of water glasses. Cosmo literally tips her by flipping the tray over, making her fall backwards. This gives him a glare from Wanda.)
(Scene fades to Timmy going around the neighborhood.)
Timmy: Good Morning!
Mailman and Dog: (laugh)
Crowd: (laugh)
Timmy: This is great! I can't wait to try my new comedy powers out on Tad and Chad!
Tad: What do you want, loser?
Timmy: Nothing.
(Sparkles then appear around Tad and Chad and they burst out laughing uncontrollably. Timmy then raises his brow. The two try not to laugh, but do so anyway against their will. Timmy then strikes a pose towards them and the laughter continues. Timmy then leads them laughing out of the school, into the city and towards…..)
Timmy: Oh my gosh! Look out! A cliff!
Tad and Chad: (While still laughing) HE SAID CLIFF!
(Tad and Chad, not looking where they’re headed, fall off the cliff and into a landfill, covering them in trash. But regardless, they still laugh after a beat.)
Tad and Chad: We’re in garbage!
(Timmy smiles at this. He then notices Trixie laughing behind him.)
Trixie: HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, Timmy! You're the funniest boy on earth! I can hardly stand for laughing- hold me up!
(She begins to faint, until Timmy catches her.)
Timmy: Trixie... I've been waiting to give this to you for days! (Pulls out the seemingly harmless plant from behind.)
Trixie: For me? (Giggles) Oh my gosh! (Giggles some more)
(The seemingly harmless plant briefly makes an evil smile.)
Timmy: So... wanna hang out after school?
Trixie: (laughs) Absolutely! Just bring your funny with you! I love funny men!
(She faints and rolls on the ground laughing.)
Timmy: It's good to be the King... of comedy! And the best part is, there is absolutely no downside to this!
(Later that night, Timmy is at the Tang household with a heart shaped box in hand. He rings the doorbell and the doors open, showing Trixie standing in the doorway.)

Timmy: Hi, Trixie! I'm here for our big, not-hilarious date! Just me, and you... not laughing at me... date.
(Unfortunately for him, she begins to laugh anyway. Timmy is confused by this and the sudden shock causes him to fall on his rear. The box he’s holding flies out of his arm and the chocolates land on his head.)
Trixie: DATE! (Laughs)
Timmy: Stop! I'm not trying to be funny!
(Timmy slips on a piece of chocolate and falls again, this time on his back.)
Trixie: PHYSICAL HUMOR! OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE KILLING ME!
(Meanwhile, inside the house, the Seemingly Harmless Plant growls towards a bird in a cage. The bird backs away.)
Timmy: But... But... But...
Trixie: HAHAHAH!!! HE SAID BUTT! THREE TIMES! HAHAHAHA!
(Trixie slams the door in his face and walks away, still laughing. The bird cage is seen open with the bird gone. The Seemingly Harmless Plant growls and the bird flies out of its mouth. It then growls at a nearby hamster, who then panics and tries to escape by hamster wheel.)
(Cut to the Turner household. Timmy goes back to his room, unamused.)
Wanda: (giggle) How'd your day go, Sport?
Timmy: Awful! Nobody's taking me seriously, including Trixie!
(Cosmo and Wanda burst out laughing, and Timmy is not amused by this.)
Timmy: Stop it, you, guys! I'm not trying to be funny anymore! I only did this so Trixie would talk to me and now she's laughing so hard, I can't talk to her!
(Cosmo and Wanda keep laughing until their fishbowl shatters and poof into their fairy forms.)
Cosmo: Oh relax, Timmy! She'll probably stop laughing when that alien flower you gave her eats her heart out at midnight.
Timmy: I thought you said it was harmless!
Cosmo: Seemingly harmless! Unless you’re a heart! Don't you remember that pimple I told you was seemingly unnoticable?
(A flashback shows Timmy on school picture day. He’s sitting on a stool with a pimple on the side of his face that’s nearly as big as his head.)
Cameraman: (offscreen) Smile!
(His picture is taken and placed in the yearbook. Underneath it is a caption that says ‘LEAST LIKELY TO KNOW WHAT “SEEMINGLY” MEANS’. Flashback ends)
Timmy: Oh my gosh! Guys! I can't let Trixie get eaten by that plant! I gotta warn her, but she won't take me seriously! Oh… I wish I wasn't funny anymore!
(The two of them begin to laugh.)
Cosmo and Wanda: (while laughing) YEAH! RIGHT!
Cosmo: Oh! You're going to make me bust a gut!
(Cosmo and Wanda continue to laugh as they fall to the floor)
Timmy: I said I wish to NOT BE FUNNY!
Wanda: (after a beat) Ha! Oh, my ribs!
(She stops laughing for a second as a rib crack sound is heard.)

Cosmo: “Not Funny”! (His belt pops out revealing a belly) Oh no! My gut!!! I warned you!!! HAHAHAHA! (Some organs fly out of him from off screen) My other guts!
Wanda: Timmy, you're the funniest kid on Earth! Nobody can take you seriously!
Timmy: That's right! I need to get off this planet! I wish we were in Fairy World!
(Cosmo and Wanda burst out laughing again)
Timmy: Darn it! They still think I'm kidding! (figures it out and chuckles) Hey, it's.. uh.. too bad none of your Fairy friends can enjoy my special gut-busting brand of comedy!
Cosmo: You're right! That is unfair! Come on! I know where we can go!
(Cosmo raises his wand and they poof away.)
(We cut to Fairy World at Uncle Knuckle's Chuckle Bunker)
The April Fool: Hey everybody! Welcome to Uncle Knuckle's Chuckle Bunker! Give it up for the funniest kid on earth... Timmy Turner!
(Timmy appears on stage and a microphone appears before him. A spotlight then shines on him.)
Timmy: Uh......
(The Tooth Fairy and Jorgen Von Strangle are seated at a nearby table)
Jorgen: Tell a joke! NOW!
Timmy: (to himself) I sure hope I can't... (loudly) Knock knock!
Jorgen: Who's there?!?
Timmy: Nobody, because the girl I love is about to be eaten by a plant because nobody takes me seriously!
Jorgen: (briefly laughs, but then stops) HEY! That is not funny!
(Nobody else seems to laugh either.)
Timmy: Excellent! Because I'm not on Earth, I stink! (loudly) I wish I wasn’t the funniest person on Earth anymore!
Jorgen: Anymore?!? When did you start?
(The crowd starts laughing)
Jorgen: Hey! I am funny! I should do this for a living!
(Tooth fairy looks annoyed.)
Wanda: Cosmo, now that we're not on Earth, can tell Timmy's serious! (Flies over to Timmy) One unfunnying, coming up!
(A poof cloud appears with the word “Lame” and a smile face, which then frowns. Afterwards, Timmy is now back to his normal appearance.)
Timmy: Hey Wanda! Do you think I’m unfunny now?
(Wanda looks like she’s about to throw up.)
Timmy: Yay! I stink! (Checks his watch) It's 11:58! We have to get to Trixie's house before the plant eats her heart!
(Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands and another cloud appears that reads “to the rescue”.)
(Timmy arrives at the Tang household, where giant prickly vines have sprouted out of the windows and chimney. He rings the doorbell and Mr Tang opens the door and sees Timmy with gardening equipment, including a rake, shovel and a pair of clippers strapped to his back and a weed killer spray pump in his hands, while also wearing black boots. A lightning bolt flashes behind him.)
Mr. Tang: Young man, what's the meaning of this?? Do you know it's one minute to midnight?
Timmy: Mister Trixie, sir, this may sound crazy, but me and my arsenal of garden-based weapons need to get up to your daughter's bedroom in the next sixty seconds!
(Mr Tang looks at Timmy from head to toe. Timmy’s right eye begins to twitch a bit.)
Mr. Tang: Hmmm… Well, you seem like a sensible, un-funny young man--go ahead.

[SFX: (CLANG, HORRIBLE ROARS, SCREAMS)]

Timmy: Don’t worry Trixie! I’ll… YAAAAAA!
Trixie: (offscreen) Timmy, you killed my seemingly harmless plant! You are so not my boyfriend!
Wanda: Oh, sorry you lost your girlfriend!
Cosmo: Yeah! But the good news is, I found my spleen!
Timmy: That’s a rib-eye steak!
Cosmo: Oh! In that case, I’m sending it back. I ordered my spleen medium rare!
Timmy: And the plant didn't eat Trixie! Which means she'll live to not laugh at me another day!
Cosmo: Hey! I know what'll cheer you up! A visit to the Planet of Almost Enough Atmosphere!
Timmy and Wanda: Wait! Wait!
Timmy: (Gasping and wheezing) Air! Cosmo! You idiot!
Cosmo: Air? I don’t get it! (to Wanda) He’s just not funny anymore.
Jorgen: But I am! I am a screaming riot!