Chip Off The Old Chip/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Chip Off The Old Chip" from Season 3, which aired on November 21, 2003.

Script[]

[The episode begins with the school bell rings as kids scurry into Dimmsdale Elementary School.]

Waxelplax: (offscreen) Students, we've called this big assembly...

[In the auditorium, kids fill in the seats.]

Waxelplax: (on the stage) ...to announce what this year's big musical production will be!

[On the kids who are bored and not caring, then back on Waxelplax.]

Waxelplax: And now here's your drama teacher, Mr. Bickles with the big news!

[Suddenly, a spotlight hits the curtain behind Waxelplax. The curtain parts revealing Mr. Bickles, dressed like a movie director.

Mr. Bickles: This year's musical will be one of my own designs! Based on what, in my humble opinion, is the greatest series of films ever made... (reveals a gigantic wall-sized poster as he unfurls behind him) Ryan McCain - Loose Cannon Cop - The Musical!
Timmy: What? That's the dumbest idea ever!

[On Cosmo and Wanda as stickers on Timmy's notebook.]

Cosmo: Not so fast. Remember my edible wristwatch? (poofs a hamburger-shaped watch on his wrist)
Wanda: It didn't keep time and it tasted horrible.
Cosmo: And that was my slogan!
Mr. Bickles: Starting tomorrow, one of you will have the chance to audition for the lead part of "Ryan McCain!" (on stage as Trixie enters) I need to find the most musical, macho, multi-talented young male who can fight, sing and, hold his own next to...
Timmy: Not in a million years.
Mr. Bickles:...Our female lead, the fabulous Trixie Tang! May the best singer win!
Timmy: I gotta practice my singing!
Cosmo: Has it been a million years already? My watched must have stopped! (eats his watch)

[In Timmy's room, Timmy wears clothes like Ryan McCain and holds a script, while Cosmo and Wanda are in the fishbowl, watching from the drawers.]

Timmy: Not ON my watch. Not on MY watch! NOT... on my watch!
Wanda: Timmy, you've got the line down, but you've gotta be able to sing it!

[Timmy pulls out a photo of Trixie as he gives a sincere and loving look, and then, he croaks out.]

Timmy: (sings horribly) BADGE OF LOVE!!!

[As he hits the high note, the mirror shatters, followed by the window and then the fishbowl. Cosmo and Wanda flow out of the bowl and onto the floor. Timmy scoops them up and drops them in a glass of water.]

Wanda: What the heck was that?
Timmy: I don't know! I'm usually a pretty good singer, but the idea of singing with Trixie is making my voice stink! What am I gonna do?
Cosmo: Hmmm... For the tough questions, television always has the answer! Here! Use my radioactive remote! [poofs a glowing, radioactive remote into Timmy's hand. He turns on the TV.] You may lose your hair, but you'll never lose the remote!

[ON TV, Brad interviews Chip Skylark in Teeth TV set.]

Brad: Howdy, hey, it's Teeth TV! I'm Brad Cuspidor with teen singing sensation, Chip Skylark, who's singing the national anthem at Bankee Stadium! Yo, Yo, Yo, Chip! You psyched or what?
Chip: You bet, Brad! I love that instant feedback I get from a live audience!
Brad: Don't blow it!
Chip: With a voice like this? How can I? LAAA!!!!

[Out of the TV, Chip's note reassembles Cosmo and Wanda's Fishbowl, the mirror and the window.]

Wanda: Wow! His voice is so pure and amazing it fixed what Timmy broke!
Timmy: You're right! His voice is incredible! And if I had it, I'd get to be the musical, macho, multi-talented young male holding his own next to Trixie Tang!
Cosmo: That's the best idea I've heard since the electric life preservers! (poofs in an electric life preserver, which shocks him and the fishbowl shatters) AAAGH! WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!!
Timmy: I wish I had Chip Skylark's voice!

[Wanda waves her wand and POOF! On TV, magic sparkles surround Chip as the sparkles transfers from the TV and into Timmy's mouth.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's Voice: Thanks, Wanda. (realizes he has Chip's voice) Cool! It worked! La la la laaa! (Repairs the glass door)
Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: (bolt into the room, wearing their outfits) Where is he? Where is he? We thought we heard Chip Skylark in here! (looks at Timmy) Oh, it's only you... (sulked offscreen)
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Perfect! Come on, I've got a musical to audition for!

[Timmy exits. Cosmo and Wanda POOF offscreen. On the TV, Chip is saying goodbye to Brad.]

Brad: Word, Chip! Good luck at Bankee Stadium!
Chip with Timmy's Voice: Thanks, Brad! (beat) What the heck? (horrible voice) LAAA!!! (his voice breaks the camera lens)

[The next day at the school's auditorium, Trixie and Mr. Bickles are sitting at the chair with a large table from the stage]

Mr. Bickles: Here we go, Trixie, let's see if any of these "singers" have enough Piz to go with your Zazz!
Trixie: But doesn't overshadow me.
Mr. Bickles: Impossible! (now loud) Okay, people! We're auditioning for the part of Ryan McCain. Let's see some magic!
Tad and Chad: (in McCain's outfits, zips onto stage) Not on our watch!
Mr. Bickles: (offscreen) Ryan McCain works alone! Next!!!
A.J.: (comes on the stage, who is also wearing McCain's outfit) Not on my watch!
Trixie: (offscreen) Ryan McCain works with hair! Next!
Chester: (on stage, eating a sandwich and talks with mouth full) Not on my watch...
Mr. Bickles: (frustrates offscreen)

[The wall clock changes from 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. as the audition table becomes messy along with coffee cups and torn script pages everywhere.]

Mr. Bickles: There's no one left! My dream! Ruined! RYAN! FORGIVE ME! (pulls up a framed photo of Ryan McCain and hurls it to the ground as the frame shatters)
Trixie: You said there'd be magic! I'm the star! My future is ruined!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: (offscreen) NOT ON MY WATCH! (slides to the stage) LAA!!!!

[As Timmy holds this note, the framed photo of Ryan McCain reassemble, and flies back into Mr. Bickles' hands and gasps.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Mr. Bickles, I want to be your singing, dancing, loose cannon cop.
Mr. Bickles: I think we found our star!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Thanks, Mr. Bickles!
Mr. Bickles: He said my name! With a dreamy Voice! (screams)

[The next day, the "Ryan McCain" musical set was being set up with a tall building and a fake helicopter, hanged by wires.]

Trixie and Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: (finishes rehearing) Badge! Of! LOVE!!!! (they step onto the helicopter and rise out of stage.

[All kids including the crew stand on stage and applaud Mr. Bickles enters, wiping a tear.]

Mr. Bickles: Perfect! Isn't it everything I said it would be?
Brad: (in a seat) And more, yo! I can't wait to broadcast this live and introduce everyone to the new Chip Skylark!

[Trixie and Timmy walk into scene.]

Trixie: Who doesn't overshadow me.
Brad: I can't guarantee that.
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: The new Chip Skylark? What happened to the old Chip Skylark?
Brad: (whips out a small TV and points it at Timmy) Good question! And for all good questions, we turn to TV for the answer!

[On TV, Chet Ubetcha is at his new disk.]

Chet Ubetcha: It was chaos today at Bankee Stadium...

[The news shows Chip Skylark, holding a microphone, on the pitcher's mound in Bankee Stadium.]

Chet Ubetcha: (voiceover) When Chip Skylark blew it!
Chip with Timmy's Voice: (horrible) ...and the home... of the... brave!!

[The crowd boos and throws bats at Chip, who winces.]

Chet Ubetcha: (voiceover) Unfortunately for Chip, it was bat day... [wet sponges hit Chip] Heavy Wet Sponge week... [Chip was also hit with bricks] ...and the year of the brick.

[The scene changes back to Chet Ubetcha at his desk.]

Chet Ubetcha: Chip Skylark has lost his voice! And the voice he found stinks!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: (shocked) Oh no!

[Later, Timmy enters his room in a panic. Cosmo and Wanda poof in as fairies.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Cosmo! Wanda! I didn't want Chip to have my horrible voice! I just wanted to have his voice to get the part in the play and not overshadow Trixie!
Wanda: Well, we had to put your horrible voice somewhere!
Cosmo: And Chip's throat was the only one open at the time!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Why didn't you give him my good voice?
Wanda: Well, you should have been a little more specific.
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: I can't let Chip Skylark's career tank so that I can sing in a musical, even if it is with Trixie Tang! I wish I had my voice back!

[Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands, but it makes a fart noise. "Da Rules" poof in.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Oh great. Now what?
Wanda: It says here that all vocal wishes must be made in the voice of the child that the godparents are assigned to!
Cosmo: What do we do now?
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice, Cosmo, and Wanda: (after a beat) Television.

[Timmy turns the TV back on. On the TV screen, we see a group of cowboys around a fire.]

Cowboy: Everybody split up!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: That's a great idea! If one of you goes with Chip, and he uses my voice to say, "I wish I had my voice back," then you'd have to grant the wish!
Cosmo: Dibs on the dreamy teen singing sensation with the horrible voice! (disappears)

[At the penthouse, Cosmo poofs in as a fly on the wall. He sees Chip sitting in a chair next to a Chip Phone, looking very sad.]

Cosmo: Wow. Even depressed, he's still dreamy! (buzzes around Chip)
Chip with Timmy's Voice: (sighs) Nobody wants me now that my voice stinks. I wish somebody would call and offer me a job!
Cosmo: Hey! He said, "I wish!" (waves his wand and poofs)
Chip with Timmy's Voice: (the phone rings and he answers) Hello? You need a food delivery boy with a lousy voice? That's me!! (zips offscreen, followed by Cosmo)

[Meanwhile at Dimmsdale Elementary School, a banner reads "Teeth TV presents - RYAN MCCAIN, THE MUSICAL!" and satellite TV trucks are outside. At the dressing room, flowers are everywhere with banners that read "Good Luck" "Break a Leg." Timmy, dressed up as McCain, sits in front of mirror alone with Wanda, feeling bummed.]

Mr. Bickles: (enters) Five minutes, little genius.
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Okay, Mr. Bickles.
Mr. Bickles: He said my name! (screams as he runs out of the room)
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Oh man... If I go out there and sing, Teeth TV will make me the new Chip Skylark! And Chip Skylark will be stuck being the old Timmy Turner!
Wanda: Whose voice really stinks!

[Suddenly, Chip Skylark enters in a fast food uniform, carrying a pizza box with Cosmo's face on it.]

Chip with Timmy's Voice: "Poorly sung pizza delivery" for Timmy Turner. LA!!!! (his voice shatters Wanda's bowl)
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Chip Skylark?!? (quickly sings a note) LAAAAAA!!!! (The bowl reassembles)
Chip with Timmy's Voice: Wow... Great voice! Reminds me of... me! Before I stunk!

[Cosmo winks at Timmy from the box.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Weird, huh? (gets an idea) Hey... You gonna stay for the show?
Chip with Timmy's Voice: I wish I could!

[Wanda waves her wand and POOF! Chip's cellphone rings.]

Chip with Timmy's Voice: Hello? What? I'm fired? AWESOME! Now I can stay! (bolts out of the room, carrying the pizza box)
Wanda: Well, Timmy, now that he's here, what are you gonna do?
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Ask television! (flicks on a small television)

[On the screen, The Wheel of Confidence game show was on as the puzzle board is in front of two contestants. The puzzle board shows "Get Chip Skylark to Say I wish I had T-mmy Turner's voice."]

Contestant #1: I'd like to solve the puzzle! Is it..."Get Chip Skylark To Say I wish I had Timmy Turner's voice?"

[The buzzer was heard.]

Game Show Host: No! I'm sorry. It's that old song: "Get Chip Skylark to say I wish I had Tommy Turner's voice."
Contestant #1: Oh, that's right.

[Timmy smiles. Later at the auditorium, the audience sits in their seats along with Chip and Wanda, in the fishbowl, next to Chip. Cosmo is still a pizza box on Chip's lap.]

Mr. Turner: (leans in and talks to Chip) Hey! Aren't you Chip Skylark?
Chip with Timmy's Voice: I was.
Mr. Turner: So was I! In this dream I had last night! But I had a much better voice than you! And Peanut Butter! There was peanut butter everywhere!

[Several Teeth TV cameras filming the event as The Ryan McCain play starts. Timmy carries Trixie in one arm and holds a rope in the other as he swings into scene. He lands on a tightrope, suspended over an alligator pit. Chester and A.J. are the alligators-in costume.]

Trixie: Oh, Ryan! I thought we were doomed!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: Not on my watch! And according to my watch... it's time for the Dimmsdale pledge of Allegiance!!
Mr. Bickles: (on the side of the stage, freaking out) He's supposed to be singing. WHY AREN'T YOU SINGING!
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: (walks to the edge of the stage) We can't do a live TV broadcast without reciting the Dimmsdale Pledge of Allegiance!
Mayor of Dimmsdale: (to Chompy) He's right, you know.

[Chester and A.J. walk over to the rope on the side of the stage and lower a gigantic Dimmsdale City flag with Chompy in the center.]

Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: (places his hand on his heart) I pledge allegiance...
Crowd: I pledge allegiance...
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: To the flag...
Crowd: To the flag...
Timmy with Chip Skylark's voice: I wish I had Timmy Turner's voice. (still holding the Pizza box with Cosmo on it)
Chip with Timmy's Voice: I wish I had Timmy Turner's voice!
Cosmo: That's my cue! (waves his wand and poofs)

[As before, when Chip was on the Teeth TV set, magic sparkles surround Timmy. Magic shoots from his mouth and back into Chip's.]

Chip: (stands up, thrilled) My voice! It's back!
Timmy: My voice! It stinks!!
Mr. Bickles: (faints) My dream! It's ruined!!
Mr. Turner: (stands up, rips his clothes off, revealing he is now dressed like Chip Skylark.) My dream! It's coming true!!! (puts on Chip's hat)
Timmy: (to Chip) Uh... wanna help out up here?
Mr. Turner: You bet!
Chip: (pushes him offscreen and leaps up on the stage) Gosh, Timmy! As much as I'd hate to instantly get my career back in front millions of people... HIT IT!

[The song "Find Your Voice" starts to play.]

[The song "Find Your Voice" ended.]

Timmy: Any chance you can forgive me for having Chip upstage you?
Trixie: (walks away) Not on my watch.

[The crowd exits the school, carrying Chip on their shoulders. The camera stops on Brad Cuspidor, outside the school.]

Brad: You saw it here, folks! The rise, then fall, then falafel delivery, then rise again of Chip Skylark!

[On Timmy, with Cosmo and Wanda as dogs, standing nearby.]

Cosmo: Yeah... and the fall, then rise, then fall of Timmy Turner!
Timmy: Well, I lost the part, lost the girl, and lost my voice. What else is left to lose?
Wanda: Well, there’s only one way to find out!

[Cosmo poofs a giant TV that shows Mr. Turner, dressed like Chip Skylark, is being interviewed by Brad, outside the school. Mr. Turner sings horribly to the version of "Find Your Voice" and he gets hit by tomatoes from offscreen.]

Timmy: (clicks off the TV) My dignity!

[It fades out.]