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| Episode | Trivia | Appearances | Gallery | Transcript |
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| The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript | |
| "Cheese & Crockers" | |
| Season №: | 6 |
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| Episode №: | 87A |
| Airdate: | May 14, 2008 |
| Transcript List | |
This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "Cheese & Crockers" from Season 6, which aired on May 14, 2008.
Script[]
- Timmy: Mom... Dad... I'm home from school!
- Mrs. Turner: Uh. But you're so early.
- Timmy: It was a half day, today.
- Mr. Turner: Today's "Half Day"? Doh... Yes! A new holiday! We should celebrate!
- Timmy: It's not a holiday it's just half...
- Mrs. Turner: Oh, I know! I'll put Half and Half in my half cup of coffee!
- Mr. Turner: And I have half a mind to invent something for "Half Day"!
- Mrs. Turner: I already have - I used half-cheese and half chips to invent nachos!
- Timmy: Hello... nachos have already been invented.
- Mr. Turner: But I've invented the "Recloilet"! It's half recliner, half toilet!
- Mr. Turner: It works! It's a Half Day miracle!
- Timmy: Yeah. I'm gonna go upstairs now.
- Timmy: (chuckles) You guys aren't gonna believe this, Mom and Dad think it's...
- Cosmo and Wanda: Happy "Half Day" Timmy!
- Poof: Poof!
- Wanda: We overheard you downstairs!
- Cosmo: So, how do we celebrate?! How? How? How?
- Timmy: Well, according to Mom and Dad you sort of invent half-stuff things.
- Cosmo: Done! I call it the "Wando" machine. Just throw in one naggy spouse eeh... then yourself woop... and...
(Cosmo and Wanda are shaking in the machine.)
- Cosmo: Viola. I'm half idiot and half nag! You should clean this room. My elbows are chapped. Do I look fat?
- Wanda: And I'm half superior female and half witted! Doh, a frying pan! (hits herself with a frying pan) uuuhhhoohhh!
- Timmy: (laughs) He... hey, maybe I should invent something that could make me half boy and half cool stuff, too! (chews on nachos with cheese)
- Wanda: Or you could play with all the other stuff you wished up but haven't touched.
- Wanda: Like this Rocket kit, Drum Set, Pogo Stick, Skateboard, Lasagna, which has gone way bad. This Mobile for Poof, and Hank the super-home- security-guard-rhino.
- Hank: My horn of protection is always here for you, Timmy!
- Timmy: Yeah, thanks, Hank. Here.
- Hank: Do you have any cheese? I'm still here for you, Timmy!
- Timmy: And I do so play with this stuff.
(Cosmo and Poof snore)
- Timmy: See! Now, I wish I had my own "Half Day" Transformation Station.
(Wanda sighs)
- Timmy: Coooool. HA! HA! (shakes in the machine) Awe... haw... some! I'm Skate-Boy! I wish I had a half-pipe! Yahoo!
- Timmy: "Half Day" rocks!
- Crocker: (offscreen) Hmmm, half boy, half skateboard. Clearly the work of...
- Crocker: (offscreen) Fairy Godparents!
- Crocker: And with Turner out enjoying his "magic," it's the perfect time to capture his FAIRIES!
- Crocker: And my Crocker-hook will allow me to go in quietly and undetected.
<MULTIPLE IMPACT NOISES>
- Crocker: Perfect. Now to search for the fairies with my MAGIC DETECTOR!
- Crocker: Oops, had it set for "cheese".
- Crocker: But yum! Solidified animal mucus! Don't care for the chips though. Watching' the carbs. (munches nachos with cheese)
- Crocker: Yes! This must be Turner's fairy keeping- device-like-chamber! I've got you now fairies! HA! HA! (shakes in the machine) Poo! No fairies. Double Poo! I lost my cheese.
- Hank: Intruder! Fear the mighty horn of protection. ERRRRRR!
- Crocker: Triple Poo! An angry talking rhino. Hey, have you seen my cheese?
Hank: (Charge towards Crocker) <IMPACT NOISE>
- Crocker: GAAAAAH! <IMPACT NOISE> Ugh! That horn of protection cuts deep.
- Crocker: Aaah, mice. Shoo! Get away!
- Crocker: Aah! What's this? Cheese from my wrists?
- Crocker: TO THE CROCKER CAVE!
- Crocker: Ha... HA! <IMPACT NOISE> Maybe, I'll take the bus.
- Crocker: It can't be. According to my DNA scan, I've become half man - half cheese! CHEESE WEB! And I can mold myself into different cheesy forms! Shape of a buff cheese puff! (Lifts and throw) Hmmm, dilemma time. Do I use these new powers to fight for good, or for my own nefarious purposes? Heads for good; tails for my own nefarious purposes. Two out of three. (Flips coin. It's heads.) Tails! Tails! My own nefarious purposes! Now to capture Turner's fairies - with cheeeeeeese! (laughs manically) Eureka! (Chews on the cheese helmet) My helmet tastes fantastic!
- Timmy: (shakes in the machine) This Transformation station rocks! Pa-ru-pa-pum-pum!
- Wanda: Okay Drum-boy, back to normal before your parents' barge in and catch us all!
- Timmy: (continues to shake in the machine, then comes out of the machine) Relax. The door is locked and besides, Hank is here.
- Hank: The horn is ready!
- Timmy: See, nobody's gonna "barge" in.
- Crocker: Except me, Turner! And I'm here to finally capture your FAIRIES!
- Timmy: Ha! With a dorky cheese hat?
- Crocker: That and my cheesecloth butterfly net! (captures Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof with a cheese-like butterfly net)
- Wanda, Cosmo, and Poof: Aaaaah!
- Cosmo: Help, Timmy, help!
- Poof: Poof!
- Crocker: Yes, help Turner - "help" yourself to some CHEESE!
- Timmy: Aaaaah! Ugh!
- Hank: I'll save you, Timmy! (EFFORT NOISE)
- Hank: Is this cheddar? I love cheddar! (gobbles on the cheddar cheese)
- Crocker: Ha! Let me just say I will "mozzerelish" this moment forever!
- Timmy: And let me just say that was a horrible cheese pun, and I'll never wish for a cheese-loving guard rhino again.
- Crocker: But I'll be the one doing the "wishing" from now on, Turner, with my Magic Blaster!
- Wanda, Cosmo, and Poof: Aaaah!
- Wanda: Magic blaster. Ha! How silly...
- Wanda, Cosmo, and Poof: Aaaaah!
- Crocker: Now, let's test this magic puppy out. I wish I had thicker, healthier hair!
- Crocker: I'M GORGEOUS! Now, what's next on my "wish" list? Number two: "win the love of my high school crush!" I wish I was in a limo at Mary Lou Bixby's house!
- Wanda and Cosmo: Aaaaah!
- Timmy: Oh no! I've got to save Cosmo, Wanda and Poof, but I'm trapped in Cheese Jail. Wait? Cheese Jail?
- Timmy: <GOBBLING NOISES> Now, how do I stop Crocker without magic?
- Hank: (mouth full of cheese) You still have the magic t-station.
- Timmy: Yes! The horn of protection is brilliant!
- Hank: The horn loves cheese!
- Timmy: Cheesy Crocker let's see how you deal with... (goes into the machine and transform into a rocket-like body) Rocket Boy!
- Mary Lou: Denzel? I... Is that you with hair and a huge diamond and a limousine?
- Crocker: It is, Mary Lou. I'm gorgeous and won't you, after all these years, finally go out with me?
- Mary Lou: Yes! Yes, I will!
- Crocker: WELL, FORGET IT! You're ugly and creepy and stop calling me!
- Mary Lou: (cries)
- Crocker: Number 3: "Crush Mary Lou's heart with the exact words she used to crush mine at the sock hop!" Yes!
- Crocker: Noooooo!
- Timmy: Stand down, Crocker! You're no match for Rocket Boy!
- Cosmo: Timmy, you saved us!
- Crocker: String cheese arm, GO!
- Wanda: And now, he lost us again.
- Crocker: And now to number 4: "Destroy Timmy Turner!"
- Crocker: What's the matter, Turner? You look like you've seen a "Muenster"! Ha! Get it? Muenster? It's a type of cheese. Sounds like "Monster"... ho, help me out here.
- Timmy: Yeah, I get it. It's just that I prefer my cheese - melted!
- Crocker: Looks like your plan has some "holes" in it. Ha! Ha!
- Timmy: Aaah!
- Crocker: Give up, Turner! I have your fairies! I have the power! And I go great with crackers.
- Timmy: You're right Crocker, you do have my fairies. But not all of them.
- Cosmo: What!? You don't have anymo--
- Timmy: I have more fairies at home! How else did I get my rocket powers?
- Crocker: More fairies? That means more power! Last one to Turner's is a rotten villain! HA HA! <EFFORT then, IMPACT> Eh, I'll take the bus.
- Timmy: Okay, Turner, think! How do you destroy cheese besides eating it? 'Cuz I'm not eating that dude.
- Timmy: Wait. Moldy Lasagna. "Rotten" Villain. That's it!
- Timmy: Come on Hank, get in tank, I need your horn of justice or whatever...
- Timmy: Let's hope this thing works in eighths as well as halves.
(Hank and Timmy goes into the machine and fused their bodies into one)
- Crocker: Okay, "other" fairies! I know you're in there. Come out and meet your new cheese-powered master!
- Timmy: Meet the horn of protection!
- Crocker: GAAAAAH! <IMPACT>
- Wanda: That horn of protection cuts deep.
- Crocker: Well, that was pretty "Gouda", Turner, but I'll "Brie" destroying you now!
- Cosmo and Wanda: Aaaaaah!
- Timmy: Pogo-boy, GO! Drummer-boy cymbal smash, GO!
- Crocker: (screams) Aaah!
- Cosmo: Timmy just cut the cheese! And for the first time it doesn't smell!
- Crocker: You've got spunk, Turner, I like that....
- Crocker: But say hello to my buddies "Colby" and "Jack"! Also types of cheese that I've named my fists after and oh forget it - DESTROY THE BOY!
- Crocker: I win! I've got a hold of you.
- Timmy: No, you lose. 'Cuz I've got a mold on you! Moldy-lasagna boy, GO!
- Crocker: GAAAHHH! I'm molding! Molding....
- Crocker: Getting weaker... really weak... wow, I didn't know I could ever feel this weak. Weird. No motivation... Nooooooo!
- Timmy: Are you guys, okay?
- Wanda: We're fine, sport. Just a little dizzy - but we're fine.
- Crocker:
- Wanda: But Timmy, when Crocker comes out, he'll be normal and know what's happened and see us!
- Timmy: Not exactly...
- Crocker: <SHAKING WALLA> Turner, I know you have....eeeh, oooh... (snores) Fairies. Turner. Cheese! Oh, it must have all been a cheesy dream. But, now to get up and make my dream come true! Except for the part where Turner defeats me.
- Hank: The horn of protection never sleeps!
- Crocker: Talking Rhino! Gah! <IMPACT> Gah! <IMPACT> Gah! <IMPACT>
- Hank: He should've just taken the bus. (gobbles the cheese) Mmmm. That's "Gouda"!