Boys in the Band/Transcript

The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Boys in the Band"
Season №:	2
Episode №:	1
Airdate:	March 1, 2002
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "Boys in the Band" from Season 2, which aired on March 1, 2002.

Script

• [The episode begins with Timmy in his bed. He is snoring. An alarm on his clock turns on.]
• Chet Ubetcha (on the radio): Good morning, Dimmsdale! Do you know why it's good?
• Timmy: [opens his eyes.] Because today's my birthday!
• [Timmy's room is decorated for his birthday. Balloons are hung everywhere around his room.]
• Timmy: Right?
• Chet Ubetcha (on the radio): Nope! Because tonight's the night of the big Chip Skylark concert, and here's his new hit song... My Shiny Teeth and Me!
• [My Shiny Teeth and Me begins playing on the radio.]
• Wanda (off-screen): [laughs]
• [Wanda and Cosmo are dancing to the song.]
• Timmy: Chip Skylark? That lame pretty boy dork singer? He stinks!
• Cosmo: Does not! I wish Chip Skylark was around when I had a band. We'd have rocked out loud! Did you know I used to play the electric triangle? [He poofs his electric triangle into Timmy's room.]
• Wanda: But your band stunk! [laughs]
• Cosmo: But with Chip we wouldn't have!
• Timmy: Ahem! Isn't there something special you want to say to me? [He pushes a birthday cake into the room.] Considering what day it is? [He pops out of the top of the cake.]
• Cosmo: Yeah! Pipe down so I can jam to this awesome Chip song! [He rings his electric triangle, but gets an electric shock.]
• Timmy: Thank you, karma.
• [Transition to the kitchen.]
• Timmy: I can't wait to see what Mom made me for my special birthday dinner.
• [Timmy puts on a party hat, and places a small sign on the table that reads "Birthday Boy". Mrs. Turner places a bowl of cookies on the table.]
• Timmy: Cookies for dinner!? With our phone number on them?
• [We see a close up of one of the cookies. The icing on it reads "555-9597".]
• Mrs. Turner (off-screen): Sure.
• Mrs. Turner: Tonight's the night of the Chip Skylark concert.
• [She is wearing a red beanie similar to Chip's, and a pink shirt that says "I ♥ Chip". Mr. Turner enters the scene. He is wearing the same attire as Mrs. Turner.]
• Mr. Turner: Your Mom and I are gonna throw these to Chip while he's on stage!
• Mrs. Turner: And maybe he'll call us and offer to be your big brother!
• Timmy: You guys are going to the concert? Tonight of all nights? What's so special about Chip Skylark!?
• Mr. Turner: Open your eyes, son. That teen's delicious!
• [Mr. and Mrs. Turner walk out of the room.]
• Mr. Turner (off-screen): Ah! Good gosh, son! We have a special surprise for you!
• [Timmy dashes to the living room.]
• Timmy: A surprise? What is it!? What!?
• [Mr. Turner opens the door. Vicky is standing behind it. She is wearing the same attire as Timmy's parents.]
• Mr. Turner: It's Vicky!
• Vicky: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Turner! (to Timmy) Hello, kid who’s not Chip Skylark.
• [Mr. Turner pushes a treasure chest into the scene.]
• Mrs. Turner: She’s being paid quadruple to baby-sit so we can go to the Chip Skylark concert tonight!
• [Mr. Turner opens the chest. Diamonds, coins, and dollar bills are bulging out of it.]
• Mr. Turner: And there’s extra money in there so you kids can watch the concert on pay-per-view!
• [Vicky is inspecting one of the diamonds in the chest.]
• Mr. Turner: Have a fun, Chip-filled night!
• [Timmy's parents dance their way out of the house. The door closes. Vicky jumps onto the couch, grabs the remote, and turns the television on. A program called Chip-watch starts playing.]
• Chet Ubetcha (on T.V): Welcome to Chip-watch Tonight! I’m your host, Chet U-betcha, and we’re mere hours away from the live broadcast of the big Chip Skylark concert!
• Vicky (off-screen): Move it, twerp!
• [Timmy gets moved by the stalk of a cane. Timmy is sitting on the cane. Vicky is holding it.]
• Vicky: It's pay-per-view, which means if I don't view, then someone's gonna pay!
• [Vicky throws away the cane, with Timmy on it. It lands in between a bookshelf and a lamp. Timmy is dangling from it. Cosmo and Wanda poof into the scene.]
• Wanda: Are you okay, not Chip?
• Timmy: Everybody forgot about my birthday because Chip stinking' Skylark!
• Cosmo: Hey! It’s not his fault he turned out so delicious! Mm!
• Timmy: Yeah, well, you know what I wish? I wish something bad would happen to him.
• [[[Da Rules]] poofs into the room. Wanda begins to read it.]
• Wanda: Okay, but you just can't wish him maimed.
• Timmy: Okay then, I wish...
• Cosmo: Or injured.
• Timmy: Then...
• Wanda: Or beaten.
• [Timmy is about to speak.]
• Wanda: Or dead.
• Timmy: FINE! I wish that the worst possible, non-lethal thing would happen to Chip Skylark right now!
• [Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands. A cloud of smoke appears. The words "NON-LETHAL!" are seen inside of it. A car crash is heard from outside. The doorbell rings.]
• Vicky: Who in the right mind would think of interrupting me when I'm about to watch teen singing sensation...
• [Vicky opens the door. Chip Skylark is behind it. Angelic music plays in the background in this scene.]
• Vicky: ...Chip Skylark!? AAH!
• [Vicky is biting her fingers. Hearts are surrounding her.]
• Chip: Hi! I was just in a NON-LETHAL accident in my record company's car. All of a sudden, I hit this tree that seemed to pop out of nowhere. Totally weird. The album comes out July 24th, can I use your phone?
• Vicky: Sure, use my special phone!
• Chip: Awesome!
• [Chip presses a button on the phone. Knock out gas comes out of the receiver. He begins to fall unconscious.]
• Chip (woozily): Tuesday is... applesauce day.
• [Chip falls asleep.]
• Vicky: Even unconscious he's delicious. Mm mm mm.
• Timmy: Ha! The worst possible thing that could happen to Chip is to be stuck here with Vicky, like me!
• [Vicky walks by, pulling a chained-up Chip alongside her. Transition to Timmy's bedroom. Chip (still chained up) is on Timmy's bed. Vicky is choosing a range of dresses.]
• Vicky: Do you like this one that makes me look like Mrs. Chip Skylark? Or this one that makes me look like Mrs. Chip Skylark?
• Chip: I really don't think it matters. I think you'll make a great Mrs. Skylark... Mrs. Skylark.
• Vicky: [squeals with glee] I LOVE YOU CHIP SKYLARK! I’m gonna call all my friends and invite ‘em to the wedding! First I'm gonna find some friends!
• Chip: [sighs] Another day, another whacker holding me against my will.
• [A shadow looms over Chip.]
• Timmy: Hi, Chip. I'm Timmy. Having a cruddy day like me?
• Chip: Aw, the only cruddy day I ever have is, a day when I disappoint my fans. Wait-wait-wait, I didn't disappoint you, did I?
• Timmy: Because of you, your fame, and your STUPID concert everybody forgot today was MY BIRTHDAY!
• Chip: Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, little guy. Reach into my coat pocket. I've got something that might make it up to you.
• [Timmy reaches into Chip's coat pocket, and pulls out a brand new Crash Nebula action figurine.]
• Timmy: Oh my gosh! It's the brand new Crash Nebula action figure! [Timmy pushes a button on the figure.]
• Crash Nebula Figure: Set phasers... to fun!
• Chip: Happy birthday, Timmy.
• Timmy: This hasn't even been released yet! How'd ya get it!?
• Chip: I got it as a gift from the record company. Today's my birthday, too.
• Timmy: Really!?
• Chip: Yeah.
• [Timmy looks at the figure, and presses a button on it.]
• Crash Nebula Figure: What a jerk!
• Chip: Yeah, but they scheduled my concert on my birthday, so I haven't even had a chance to celebrate it. [sighs] Sometimes it's hard to be famous... and talented.
• Timmy: And delicious!
• Chip: What?
• Timmy: Uh... my Dad said that.
• [Timmy and Chip both laugh. Chip begins to cough.]
• Chip: Sorry, I'd have laughed harder, but these chains are crushing my lungs.
• Timmy: Sorry, Chip.
• Chip: Oh, that's alright, little pal. [coughs] It's not like you wished for this to happen.
• [Cosmo and Wanda poof into their fishbowl. Timmy walks over to them.]
• Timmy: Wow, I thought Chip would be a big jerk because he's a big star. But he's not such a bad guy after all! I wish Chip was free and out of Vicky's clutches.
• [Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands, but they make a "fart" noise.]
• Timmy: Oh great, the "wand not working" [Timmy imitates the fart noise] noise. What's wrong?
• Wanda: Well, you know how the rules say we can't use our magic to destroy true love?
• Timmy: So?
• [Vicky opens the door..]
• Vicky: Hello my love who I truly love with all the love in my heart! [Vicky drops roses around Chip's face.] Love!
• Timmy: Oh...
• [Vicky walks over to Chip, pushing Timmy's T.V.]
• Vicky: You can watch this while I find someone who will perform a marriage ceremony between a crazed fan and a celebrity teen hostage. To the internet!
• Chet Ubetcha (on T.V): It's a scene of mass chaos here at the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, where everyone is angrily asking the same question: Where is Chip Skylark!?
• Mrs. Turner (on T.V): If Chip doesn't show up, I'm gonna punish our child for no reason.
• Mr. Turner (on T.V): Timmy, if you're watching this, run!
• [Timmy turns off the T.V.]
• Chip: Oh no, fans! Hundreds of 'em! Disappointed! My fault! Guilt growing! Teeth are becoming... less shiny! [Chip's teeth turn yellow and cracked.] Hair... losing sheen. [Chip's hair loses its sheen.]
• Wanda: AGGGHHHH! [Wanda covers up her eyes.]
• Timmy: Oh man! I've gotta get Chip to the concert before all those women... and my Dad... tear the town apart! (to Wanda) You and I have to get Chip out of here! Cosmo, you gotta get to the concert and stall by any means necessary!
• Cosmo: Cool![ He poofs his electric triangle into the fishbowl.] I'm gonna get my old band back together!
• [Cosmo poofs out of the fishbowl. He leaves behind a cloud of smoke, that says "ROCK OUT!" inside. Transition to the Dimmadome. Chip fans are still raging inside.]
• Crowd (off-screen): We want Chip!
• Mr. Turner (off-screen): Or else!
• Crowd: We want Chip!!
• Mr. Turner: Or else!
• Crowd: We want Chip!!!
• Mr. Turner: Or else!!
• [Cosmo poofs onto the stage.]
• Cosmo: Hello, Dimmsdale! (deep voice) Are you ready for Chip Skylark?
• [The crowd cheers.]
• Cosmo: Well, he's not here yet.
• [Cosmo gets hit with a tomato.]
• Cosmo: (deep voice) Instead, please put your hands together (normal voice) for your opening act! [Cosmo waves his wand] On the Pan flute... Pan!
• [Pan is transported onto the stage, and gets hit with a tomato.]
• Cosmo: And on drums... Santa!
• [Santa is transported onto the stage. He is hit with a tomato.]
• Santa: You better watch out.
• Cosmo: And on the organ... Beethoven!
• [Beethoven is transported onto the stage. Like with the rest, he is hit with a tomato.
• Beethoven: Vhat? Vhat!?
• Cosmo: And I'm Cosmo, and together, we're... The Fairies!
• [The Fairies are pelted with tomatoes. Cosmo, Santa, and Pan pop out of a pile of tomatoes. Transition back to the Turner's House.]
• Chip (off-screen): [sighs with relief]
• [We hear a toilet flushing. Chip (who is still chained up) hops out of the bathroom]
• Timmy: Feel better?
• Chip: Yeah, I didn't have to go to the bathroom, but the sound of flushing calms me down.
• Timmy: I'm sorry you have to spend with Vicky.
• Chip: Oh, that's okay, little pal. You have to spend everyday with her. I'm just here till she snaps or the swat team arrives.
• Timmy: That's Vicky for ya. Icky with a "V".
• Chip: Hey! Icky Vicky. I could write a song about that. (singing) Icky Vicky, Icky Vicky, Icky... Vicky!
• Timmy: I was totally wrong about you, Chip. Just because you're rich and famous doesn't mean you're a jerk!
• Chip: Actually, I'm not all that rich. The record company pays for everything, I'm broke! But if the fans knew that, they might not love me anymore.
• Timmy: But neither would Vicky.
• Chip: Well, there's that.
• Timmy (to himself): She wouldn't love you anymore...
• [Transition to Timmy's bedroom. Chip is hopping to Timmy's bed.]
• Vicky (off-screen): Hi, Chip darling!
• Vicky: Look who I found on the internet! The only Justice of the Peace on Earth who will marry someone against their will!
• [Wanda and Timmy peek from behind the door.]
• Wanda: When Vicky finds out that Chip's not rich, she won't love him anymore!
• [Vicky is preparing for the wedding.]
• Timmy (off-screen): Yeah, but how do we let Vicky know?
• [Wanda waves her wand and poofs a way.]
• Internet Nerd: We are gathered here today to forcibly bond these two teens against their will. Is there anyone here, besides the groom, who has a reason these two should not be wed?
• [Wanda kicks opens the door. Standing next to her is the Record Company Executive.]
• Wanda: He does!
• Chip: Oh my gosh! It's the guy from the record company!
• Record Executive: Thanks for the tip, pink-haired mystery woman! I represent Chip's record company. Since you are going to be Chip Skylark's wife, you get Chip Skylark's debts.
• [The Record Executive opens up a suitcase, full of bills. He passes Vicky some of the bills.]
• Record Executive: This is for the car, this is his cell bill, this is for the pager. And this is for-- uh?... everything else.
• [He dumps the rest of the bills on Vicky. She reads one of the bills.]
• Vicky: Six million bucks!? But, Chip, I thought you were rich!?
• Timmy: Nope. He's just pretty, and talented.
• Vicky: NO!!! You broke, loser creep! I don't love you! This wedding is off! Nerd!
• [Vicky slams the door shut. Wanda waves her wand, which unlocks the releases Chip from the chains.]
• Chip (singing): I'm free! Yes sirree! I'm free-e-e-e-e!
• [Chip checks the clock.]
• Chip: Oh no! I'll never get to the concert in time!
• Timmy: Here you go, Chip. Use this. [Timmy hands Chip Vicky's "special phone" from before.] Let 'em know you're on your way!
• Chip: Thanks, little dude! [Chip presses a button on the phone. He is blasted with knock-out gas again.] (woozily) The album... comes out on... July 24th... [Chip falls asleep, and begins sucking his thumb.]
• Timmy: I wish we were at the concert!
• [Wanda waves her wand. A cloud of smoke appears, and the text "ROCK AND ROLL!" is inside of it. Transition to the Dimmadome, which is in a terrible state because of the riot. We see The Fairies inside of the Dimmadome, trying to reflect tomatoes that are being hurled at them.]
• Beethoven: (German speech) Stay back!
• Cosmo: Hey, they like us! They really like us!
• [An entrance appears in front of the microphone. Timmy comes out of it.]
• Timmy: Ladies!... and Timmy Turner's Dad!
• Mr. Turner: Hey, that's me!
• Timmy: Are you ready to rock!?
• [The crowd cheers.]
• Timmy: Then get ready for... CHIP SKYLARK!
• [A curtain opens, and we see Chip behind another microphone. He is still sleeping. He then wakes up.]
• Chip: Huh, what? Dude, how'd we get here so fast?
• Timmy: Uh, the power of music?
• Chip: Rock on! Hit it!
• [Song: "Icky Vicky"]
• Children Vocals: ♪ V-I-C-K-Y. The sound of her name makes the little kids cry! AHHHHHH! ♪
• Chip: ♪ Hey Vicky, you're so-so-icky, just the thought of being around you makes me oh-so-sicky. Hey Vicky, won't you please explain, ♪

• Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ Why you get so much enjoyment out of causing kids pain? ♪
• Children Vocals: ♪ Oh, oh, oh! '♪ '
• Chip: ♪ A chick who's just plain mean. A sour-sweet-16. ♪
• [Transition back to the living room. Vicky jumps on the T.V, breaking it.]
• Chip (off-screen): ♪ She's a fire breathing dragon in a pair of black jeans! ♪
• [Transition straight back to the DImmadome.]
• Children Vocals: ♪ EWWWW! ♪
• Timmy: Don't worry about forgetting that my birthday was today, Mom and Dad. It's okay.
• Mr. Turner: [gasps] What? Forgot your birthday!?
• Mrs. Turner: We'd never forget your birthday, Timmy.
• Mr. Turner: Your birthday isn't till tomorrow!
• Timmy: What!?
• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Happy almost birthday, Timmy! [they continue dancing to the song]
• Children Vocals: ♪ EWWWW! ♪
• Chip: ♪ Hey Vicky, won't you tell us true, ♪
• Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ How'd we ever get the bad luck to be stuck with you? ♪
• Chip: ♪ Oh Vicky, can we say one thing, ♪
• Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ It's your super-total-yuckiness that makes us wanna sing! Icky Vicky!
• Children Vocals: ♪ Eww! Eww! ♪

• Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ Icky Vicky! ♪
• Children Vocals: ♪ Eww! Eww! ♪

• Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ Icky Vicky! ♪
• [The crowd cheers wildly. Transition back to the living room.]
• Vicky: I hate music.
• [The screen fades to black, and the end title card appears.]
• Vocals: ♪ Icky Vicky! ♪
• STOP WITH THE UNDOING MY EDITS OR EAT COLD ICE FROM AN ICE SWORD.