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The Fairly OddParents!
episode transcript
"Boy Toy"
Season №: 2
Episode №: 9A
Airdate: March 8, 2002
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "Boy Toy" from Season 2, which aired on March 8, 2002.


Script[]

[The episode begins with Timmy, Chester, and A.J. loading old toys into a catapult and shooting them into the air.]

  • Timmy: Pull!

"[We see a pink plush teddy bear fly into the air before being destroyed by a rock. Timmy readies another rock into his slingshot.]"

[A.J. launches a stuffed Albert Einstein Doll into the air. Timmy takes a bead on it with a slingshot.]

  • Timmy: Pull!
  • Albert Einstein Doll: E equals MC Squared.

[The rock hits the doll, then shatters]

  • A.J.: Bye, Albert!
  • Chester: This sure was a great idea to destroy our old stuff, Timmy! Hey, launch my retainer!

[Timmy straps his retainer to the catapult.]

  • A.J.: Yeah! Now that we’re ten, we don’t need our dumb nine-year-old stuff!

[They launch the retainer.]

  • Timmy: Hey, let’s launch this! (pulls out an eight-inch-tall, beat up Crimson Chin action figure.)
  • Chester: But, Timmy. That’s your favorite Crimson Chin action figure! You can't launch that.
  • A.J.: He even has eighteen Chin-tastic action phrases! (pushes a button on the doll’s chest)
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Quick! To the hydrofoil!
  • Timmy: But it’s last year’s model. I am so beyond him and his lame phrases.

[Timmy loads the doll into the catapult. As he is about to launch it, he hears]

  • Tootie: (Off-screen) Timmy? Timmy?
  • Timmy: Oh-no!

[Chester pulls out some binoculars and scans the area. He sees TOOTIE. She pops out of some nearby bushes holding a PHOTO of Timmy.]

  • Chester: It’s Vicky’s little sister, Tootie!
  • Timmy: Quick! To the anti-girl fortress!

[The boys scramble up a ROPE LADDER into the treehouse. COSMO and WANDA are in the fishbowl nearby. The guys run in and man their positions. AJ sits at a large COMPUTER MONITOR, where we see Tootie onscreen.]

  • A.J.: Enemy onscreen, Captain.
  • Timmy: (hops into the captain's chair) Prepare to fire phasers.

[Chester mans a giant WATER BALLOON SLINGSHOT/GUN and aims it at Tootie.]

  • Chester: Phasers locked, Captain.

[ON COSMO AND WANDA]

  • Cosmo: I love when the phasers get locked.

[ON TIMMY - still holding the Crimson Chin doll.]

  • Tootie: (Off-screen) Timmy! Can I come up and play?!
  • Timmy: Fire!

[Chester fires a WATER BALLOON at Tootie and becomes soaked.]

  • Tootie: (crying) Whaaa! I’m so wet, you can’t even see how much I’m crying! Can I at least come up and dry off?
  • Timmy: (Off-screen) Fire!
  • Tootie: (Steps to the side but still gets hit with another water balloon) (wailing): Whaaa! WHAAAAAAA!!!
  • (Timmy, Chester and AJ celebrate their victory)
  • Tootie: (Sadly, to a photo of Timmy, wailing): Why won’t you give my love a CHAAAAANCE?!

[Tootie sadly walks away. A final water balloon sails from the treehouse]

  • Chester: (Off-screen) Darn it! We're all out of balloons.
  • A.J.: Let’s get some more, and strap The Crimson Chin doll to one!
  • Timmy: Yeah! We can hit Tootie with a balloon and a plastic doll!

[Chester and AJ exit. Timmy looks at the Crimson Chin doll, sitting on the floor.]

  • Timmy: (to doll) Well... I guess this is goodbye.

[Cosmo and Wanda, doll sized, pop in next to the toy. Timmy presses a BUTTON on the Chin’s back.]

  • Crimson Chin Doll: You’re my best pal!
  • Cosmo: If you used to like it so much, why are you going to destroy it?
  • Timmy: Because I don’t need this doll anymore! I have you guys! (giving the doll one last look) Still, he was pretty cool. (after a thought) You know, I wish I could play with him one more time.

[Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands and POOF! Timmy is now TOY SIZED.]

  • Timmy: Hey, I’m toy sized!
  • Crimson Chin Doll: (sweeps Timmy behind him) There’s evil afoot! I mean, a-chin!
  • Timmy: Wow! You made him alive!
  • Cosmo: Sure! Standing next to a lifeless doll would have been boring!

[Widen to reveal a BARBIE DOLL.]

  • Cosmo: And yet...

[The Chin does a foot sweep and takes Barbie out of the picture. The Chin presses a button on his chest.]

  • Crimson Chin Doll: Some horror approaches! Quick! To the Chin Cave!

[The doll grabs Timmy and bounces behind a basketball. Cosmo and Wanda freeze, looking just like dolls. A wet Tootie enters.]

  • Tootie: Timmy? Where are you?

[Tootie sees the doll-sized Cosmo and Wanda and picks them up.]

  • Tootie: Neat! Fairy dolls! I can add Timmy’s dolls to my Timmy love shrine!
  • Cosmo: Maybe if you took us to your house, Timmy would follow you and try to get us back! (off Wanda’s glare) What? Can’t I have an action phrase?
  • Tootie: That’s a great idea!

[Tootie exits with Cosmo and Wanda. ON TIMMY AND CHIN DOLL behind the BASKETBALL. The Crimson Chin doll crouches, pressing his “talk” button and makes a muscle.]

  • Crimson Chin Doll: The commissioner is missing! And look at the size of these pipes!

[The Chin doll leaps after Tootie and sails through a tree house window.]

  • Timmy: (freaks out) Oh-no! I’m stuck Toy Sized and my Godparents are being taken to Vicky’s house! There’s only one thing to do!

[Timmy balls up into a curl position and sucks his thumb. Chester and AJ return.]

  • Timmy: (gasps and freezes, like a toy, thumb still in mouth.)
  • Chester: Wow! A Timmy Turner Action figure! With Thumb sucking action! Yo!
  • A.J.: (grabs Timmy and forces his mouth open and closed) And look! He’s got kung fu overbite!

[Timmy bites A.J.’s finger.]

  • A.J.: Ow! What should we do with it?
  • Chester: Well, it is an uncanny likeness of our best friend. (beat) Let’s launch him into Mrs. O’Leary’s yard!
  • A.J.: You mean the lady with the pet bees? We can’t do that!

[Chester loads Timmy into the slingshot. AJ pulls out a HONEY POT and slathers Timmy with honey.]

  • A.J.: Now we can do it!

[Chester releases the slingshot, and “fires” Timmy offscreen.]

  • Timmy: Ahhh!

[CUT TO: INT. - TOOTIE’S ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS. ON A PHOTO OF TIMMY’S FACE]

  • Tootie: (Off-screen) Now I have two of Timmy’s dolls to add to my Timmy collection!

[Pull back to see Tootie, still holding Cosmo and Wanda as dolls. Her room is a veritable shrine to Timmy. TIMMY PHOTOS, CALENDARS, DRAWINGS, and other inappropriate Timmy PERSONAL BELONGINGS: Underwear, socks, etc.]

  • Wanda: (looking around, then to Cosmo) Wow. She really has a thing for Timmy!
  • Cosmo: (to Wanda) Well, sure! He’s the bomb! (beat) I read that in a teen magazine!
  • Tootie: Let’s play Timmy and Tootie in their jungle home! (pulls out a dollhouse, then to Wanda) You’re me! (to Cosmo) And you’re Timmy!
  • Cosmo: Cool! I’m the bomb!
  • Tootie: (forces them to “mash face”) Mwah! Mwah! I LOVE YOU TOOTIE! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
  • Cosmo: Hey! I like this game!

[CUT TO: EXT. - MRS. O’LEARY’S YARD - SECONDS LATER Timmy is still plummeting toward the bees.]

  • Timmy: Ah! I’m dead!
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Did somebody say “Justice?”

[The Crimson Chin doll bounces off a TREE BRANCH, hurls himself through the air, grabs Timmy and pulls him through a picket FENCE, safely away from the bees. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE]

  • Timmy: Thanks, Crimson Chin doll! You totally saved me! I wonder why I got so bored with you? (presses a BUTTON on the Chin’s chest)
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Check out my dimple! It’s huge!
  • Timmy: Now I remember. Your action phrases stink! Come on! We gotta rescue Cosmo and Wanda!
  • Crimson Chin Doll: I eat evil for breakfast!

[Timmy and the Chin exit. ON TOOTIE’S WINDOW - Tootie continues to make Cosmo and Wanda kiss.]

  • Tootie: Mwah! Mwah! Well, you’re just a dumb girl! (beat) That’s okay, Timmy! I’ll wait for you forever! (beat) Fine! I’ll be over here throwing water balloons at you!

[Tootie picks up a SQUIRT GUN and, pretending as though Cosmo was Timmy and holding it, blasts Wanda in the face.]

  • Wanda: This doesn’t seem like a lot of fun.
  • Cosmo: Are you nuts? I’m having a blast! And look how clean you’re getting!

[THE CAMERA PANS AWAY from Tootie’s window, down to VICKY who stands in the backyard.]

  • Vicky: Well, time to do my chores!

[WIDEN TO reveal TWO TERRIFIED TEN-YEAR OLDS.]

  • Vicky: You trim my hedges, and you cut my lawn!
  • Kid #1: But these are your chores!
  • Vicky: (holds up some photos) And these are high-definition photos of you two sneaking into an “R” rated movie! (pointing to lawn equipment) Aaaaaaaaand... action!

[The kids instantly start working. Vicky sits down and picks up a LEMONADE.]

  • Vicky: Whew! All this blackmailing is making me thirsty!
  • Tootie: (giggling)
  • Vicky: My dorky, little sister is laughing when she should be down here doing my chores! I’ll fix that!

[Vicky enters the house. Timmy and the Chin doll “peer through” some overgrown WEEDS. They watch Vicky enter the house. The kids with lawn equipment begin doing “their” chores.]

  • Timmy: Quick! While she’s distracted! We’ve gotta get into that house!
  • Crimson Chin Doll: I have goats in my pants!

[They spring to action. TIMMY’S POV - One of the kids is pushing the now gigantic LAWN MOWER towards them.]

  • Timmy: Oh no! Run! (Turns to run and trips over Chester’s retainer, launched earlier.) Oof! Hey! That’s Chester’s retainer!

[The lawn mower is inches away from shredding Timmy.]

  • Timmy: Man, that got some distance.
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Without gravity, we’d float into space! (grabs the retainer and throws it to the lawn mower) Justice thy name is CHIN!

[The lawn mower shakes, then explodes all over the ten-year-old kid.]

  • Lawn Mower Kid: All finished!

[She runs off-screen. ON TIMMY and the CHIN as lawn mower parts rain down around them. The Chin doll kicks and punches the falling parts away from Timmy so he doesn’t get hit.]

  • Timmy: Good thinking, Crimson Chin!
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Of all of my muscles, my brain is one of them!
  • Timmy: You’re a cooler doll than I thought! Together, nothing can stop us!

[Doidle growls offscreen, then Widen to reveal Vicky’s recently neutered dog, DOIDLE, standing over.]

  • Timmy: Ah! It’s Vicky’s dog!

[Doidle CHOMPS DOWN on the Chin doll, picks it up, and runs into the house through a DOG DOOR. CUT TO: INT. TOOTIE’S ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS ON TOOTIE - Setting Cosmo and Wanda atop a wedding CAKE.]

  • Tootie: Do you, Timmy, take you, Tootie, to be your lawfully wedded wife?

[A shadow falls over Tootie and the cake.]

  • Vicky: (Off-screen) Well, well, well... (Vicky’s hand reaches in and grabs the Cosmo and Wanda “dolls.”) What’s this? Two new toys? Guess who they get to meet?
  • Tootie: Not Mister Hammer!
  • Cosmo and Wanda: Mister Hammer?
  • Vicky: (pulls out a hammer) Yes! Mister Hammer! And his friend, Mrs. Saw! (pulls out a saw)
  • Cosmo: (greets) Hi Mrs. Saw! I’m Cosmo and this is Wanda! (off Wanda’s glare) Don’t you want to be a good host?
  • Tootie: (grabs the dolls back) No! Those are Timmy’s dolls!
  • Vicky: Oh, that changes everything! (Puts on a welding MASK and lights a welding TORCH.)
  • Cosmo: Hey! Mr. Fire! Have you met Wanda?

[Timmy jumps through the dog door and lands in the kitchen. He looks OS. and sees: TIMMY’S POV - Doidle is huddled in the corner, tugging and pulling at the Chin doll.]

  • Timmy: Oh no! He’s being torn apart!

[Timmy looks up and sees Vicky’s lemonade glass atop a nearby end TABLE. Timmy looks and sees another MOUSE TRAP. He stands on the deadly part and, using his hat, knocks the cheese off the bait switch. The trap springs, hurling Timmy onto the table, next to the lemonade glass.]

  • Timmy: Chew on your butt, not my friend!

[Timmy tips the lemonade glass over, <<shattering>> it next to Doidle. The yellow liquid puddles right behind the dog. CUT TO: INT. TOOTIE’S ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS Vicky is holding Tootie at bay with one foot, while she takes a bead on Cosmo and Wanda with the torch. We hear the glass <<SHATTER>> Off-screen.]

  • Vicky: What was that?!

[Seconds Later, Vicky, still holding Cosmo and Wanda, enters the kitchen and sees Doidle surrounded by a YELLOW PUDDLE.]

  • Vicky: Bad dog! You know you’re only supposed to do that outside, or at Timmy’s house!

[Doidle runs Off-screen. Vicky follows. Vicky drops Cosmo and Wanda as Timmy runs up to the now chewed up Chin doll.]

  • Timmy: Chin! Chin! Speak to me! I’m sorry I got you into this mess! I promise... I’ll never let anything hurt you again.
  • Crimson Chin Doll: You’re... you’re... you’re...you’re... you’re...you’re... you’re...you’re... you’re...you’re... you’re...you're...

[Timmy smacks the doll on the head.]

  • Crimson Chin Doll: ...OW! You’re my best pal.

[The Cosmo and Wanda dolls poof next to the Timmy doll.]

  • Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! I wish I was normal sized!

[POOF! Timmy becomes his normal size. Cosmo and Wanda remain at their doll sized height.]

  • Cosmo: Come on, Timmy! Lets get you and your stupid doll and get out of here!
  • Timmy: He’s not stupid! He’s my friend! And I should have treated him better.

[Tootie enters. Timmy freezes against a wall, still out of her view.]

  • Tootie: NO! Vicky’s stolen Timmy’s dolls! Now he’ll never come over! And he’ll never like me! WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME?! (sobbing)
  • Wanda: (looking at Tootie) Maybe he’s not the only one you should treat better.
  • Cosmo: You know, she might be creepy, but she does have to put up with Vicky more than you do.
  • Timmy: Yeah, you’re right. Vicky LIVES here! I guess when she’s not torturing me at my house... she’s torturing Tootie here. That’s gotta be the worst. (reveals himself to Tootie, who's sobbing) Uh... hi, Tootie.
  • Tootie: Timmy! Hi! I- (gets mad) Wait! You’re only here to take back your stupid dolls and then hit me with another water balloon!
  • Timmy: (reaching for the words) Actually. I wanted to say I’m sorry I was mean to you. You see, I’m just...
  • Cosmo and Wanda: (as “Dolls”) A stupid ten year old boy!
  • Timmy: Right. And I’m not interested in girls! And I won’t be until...
  • Cosmo and Wanda: He’s a stupid eleven year old boy!
  • Tootie: Then... there’s hope? THERE'S HOPE?! (jumping up and down)
  • Timmy: I should do something nice for her, to make up, you know? She’s not mean, she’s just a girl. It’s not her fault.
  • Crimson Chin Doll: (stands heroically on his twisted broken legs and pushes his own button) I’m totally into the idea of you giving me to Tootie. This way, she’ll always have a little piece of you she can smother and choke with love.
  • Timmy: Wow. That was an oddly specific action phrase. (to doll) I’m gonna miss you, pal.
  • Crimson Chin Doll: I put the man in man-dible!
  • Timmy: Tootie, I want you to have this. More importantly, I want you to have this and never, ever, ever, follow me home again. (hands Tootie the Crimson Chin doll)
  • Tootie: Oh, Timmy! This is the best gift ever!
  • Timmy: And it'll be our little secret... of love.
  • Tootie: (faints)
  • Vicky: (offscreen) Now... where was I?
  • Timmy: Evil sister! Gotta go! Bye!

[Timmy runs out the door carrying Cosmo and Wanda, as Vicky enters the Kitchen through another entrance.]

  • Vicky: (sees the Crimson Chin doll in Tootie’s hand) Another toy? Wow, when it rains, it melts!

[Vicky pulls out the welding torch. Timmy observes.]

  • Timmy: (to Cosmo and Wanda) I wish the Chin doll was indestructible and had 12,000 “I hate Vicky” action phrases!

[ON VICKY, holding the Chin doll with tongs and blasting it with the flamethrower to no effect.]

  • Crimson Chin Doll: Your icky, red-headed yuckiness cannot pierce the shield of Tootie’s love!

"[Vicky tries to torch the doll again, but she's unsuccessful.]"

  • Crimson Chin Doll: Evil Redheads make boy-bands say “ew!”
  • Vicky: Why won’t this stupid toy BREAK?!

[On Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda]

  • Timmy: I wish we were back at the treehouse!

[DISSOLVE TO: INT. THE TREEHOUSE - LATER ON TIMMY with COSMO AND WANDA, now full-sized fairies.]

  • Wanda: That was really sweet of you, Timmy!
  • Timmy: Yeah, well as long as Chester and AJ don’t ever find out about me being nice to a girl, I’m safe.
  • Chester: (Off-screen) Hey, Timmy!
  • A.J.: (Off-screen) Look who’s here!

[Timmy sticks his head out the window.]

  • Tootie: (offscreen): TIMMY! TIMMY!!

[He sees Tootie pushing a gigantic WEDDING CAKE, Chester and AJ next to her. On the cake is the Crimson Chin doll, now wearing a pink hat (like Timmy’s) and a DOLL made up to look like Tootie.]

  • Tootie: Look! This doll is you, and this one’s me! (starts making the dolls' mash faces) Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! I love you Timmy! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! I love you too, Tootie! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! (Off-screen) Oh Timmy! I got you something, too!

[Timmy looks out the window and a gigantic WATER BALLOON slams into Timmy, soaking him.]

  • Timmy: You know what? Love stinks.
  • Cosmo: And it’s wet, too!
  • Chester, A.J., and Tootie: (laughing)
  • Crimson Chin Doll: Brush your cliff. Everyday!

"[Episode irises out.]"


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