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Episode
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Transcripts

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Birthday Wish!" from Season 5, which aired on May 9, 2005.


Script[]

(The episode begins at Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House where Timmy and his friends are enjoying the activities there.)

  • Chester: I love the all you can eat pizza! It makes me feel full.
  • A.J.: I love the crude robotic figures. They make me feel smart.
  • Timmy: I love the teeth on that rat! They make me feel normal! And I also love this pellet pit! (Timmy dives into the ballpit)
  • Timmy, Chester, and A.J. in unison: This is the greatest place ever!
  • Tootie: (offscreen) This is the worst place ever!

(Camera pans to Tootie, sitting at an empty birthday party table with her sister Vicky. Tootie starts crying.)

  • Vicky: Hurry up and make a wish, birthday brat! Time is money.

(Another kid Vicky is babysitting pops out from under the table being held with a leash)

  • Vicky: (to kid) Cry all you want. I get paid by the hour.
  • Tootie: You ruin my birthday every year. I wish for once I could have a party where everyone wasn't too scared of you to come!

(Another kid walks up to the table with a present.)

  • Kid: Hi Tootie. (sees Vicky growling at him) AHHH!

(The runs off screen, taking Tootie's present with him. Timmy from nearby watches this going on when his fairies appear.)

  • Timmy: Not one kid came to her party?
  • Wanda: Not unless they're invisible.
  • Timmy: Well I would have gone to her dumb party if she'd invited me.
  • Wanda: Uhh, sport. She did invite you.
  • Cosmo: Yeah. Three times!

(GUILT TRIP! Poofs on the screen as the scene changes to a flashback. At Timmy's house...)

  • Mailman: Special delivery for Timmy Turner!
  • Timmy: (opens a letter from Tootie) A free pass for Mike E Mozzarella's?! Sweet! (he tosses the rest of the letter which hits the mailman in the eyes)
  • Mailman: OW! MY EYE!

(later)

  • Mailman: (wheels in a huge letter) Ridiculously oversized novelty invitation for one Timmy Turner.
  • Timmy: Another free pass? Rat-tastic! (Timmy pulls a letter. The letter and the mailman are ejected from his house)
  • Mailman: ARGH! My spine!

(later)

  • Mailman: (dressed in a Mike E Mozzarella rat costume) This is a singing reminder gram about Tootie's birthday party Saturday. Ready? (he dances and hands another pass to Timmy. Cosmo poofs into a tiger and chases the mailman offscreen)
  • Timmy: Triple sweet!
  • Mailman: (costume head flies from offscreen) Argh! My sweet meats!

(back in the present, Timmy reminisces shamefully. Cosmo and Wanda poof into pellets in the ball pit as Chester and AJ run up to him)

  • Chester: Timmy! Hey Timmy!
  • A.J.: We're going to the arcade to play Rabies Hunter!

(they hold up two of the passes Tootie gave to Timmy)

  • Chester: Thanks again for the free passes! (he and AJ run by Tootie's table) Watch out you don't slip on her tears!

(Tootie watches the last candle on her cake fizzle out, and cries. Timmy falls backward into the ball pit ashamed.)

  • Cosmo: I sure hope these are the pellets that go in, and not the pellets that come out!

(Scene changes to Timmy's bedroom. He is lying on his bed unhappy.)

  • Timmy: So, it's all my fault Tootie's having a horrible birthday?
  • Wanda: It's not all your fault. Vicky helped ruin her party too.
  • Cosmo: At least she showed up.
  • Timmy: HEY CUT IT OUT! You're making me feel... weird. Bad weird.
  • Wanda: It’s called GUILT, sport! (poofs up a flashlight) It’s a magical emotion. (shines the flashlight on Cosmo)
  • Cosmo: No, it isn't! It's horrible! It eats away at you until... until... You just have to confess what you did! I'm sorry Wanda, I lied! I did forget our 793rd anniversary! I just pretended to be in a coma!
  • Wanda: See? It's magic that works on your heart, and the only way to make it go away is if you do something very special.
  • Timmy: (thinking) Or if you do! I can loan Tootie you guys for the rest of her birthday!

(Cosmo and Wanda poof up Da Rules book)

  • Wanda: Timmy, according to the rules, you can only loan your fairies to someone who is twice as miserable as you are.

(Cosmo lifts his wand and uses to it look into Tootie's home. She is in the bathroom screaming and being held upside by Vicky, having her head dunked into the toilet repeatedly.)

  • Vicky: Happy birthday to YOU! Happy birthday to YOU!
  • Cosmo: Well, that settles that.
  • Timmy: Perfect. She can wish up the best birthday party a kid ever had... besides mine! Cosmo, Wanda, I wish that you were Tootie's fairy godparents for the rest of her birthday!
  • Wanda: The whole day? Until midnight?
  • Timmy: Well, her bedtime is probably like 9'o clock so that'll do.

(Cosmo and Wanda raise the wands and poof, FAIRY LOAN, they magically transfer themselves down the block to Tootie's house)

(At Tootie's house, she is drenched and running past her parents, crying)

  • Vicky's/Tootie's Mom: Hi honey! Sorry we missed your birthday party!
  • Vicky's/Tootie's Dad: We'd have been there, but... we were too afraid of Vicky! (he and his wife cower together)

(Tootie runs into her bedroom and slams her door shut. She then notices Cosmo and Wanda floating in front of her and gasps.)

  • Cosmo: Hi there! I'm Cosmo and this is Wanda!
  • Cosmo and Wanda: (together) And we're... (They poof up a magical Fairy Godparents stage display.) YOUR FAIRY GODPARENTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR BIRTHDAY! (Part of the lettering promptly falls and crushes Cosmo.)
  • Wanda: This is all probably pretty confusing, so let us take a few seconds to-
  • Tootie: I wish I had a pony!

(Cosmo and Wanda poof up a pony underneath Tootie, who starts to eat part of the rug on the floor)

  • Wanda: Actually, there are a few rules...
  • Tootie: I wish I had a diamond saddle! (a diamond saddle appears under her) I wish I could have a big birthday party!

(Cosmo and Wanda begin to raise their wands to grant the wish but Tootie interrupts them.)

  • Tootie: Wait! So big that every person in Dimmsdale comes and brings me presents!

(Before they can grant the wish, Tootie interrupts them again.)

  • Tootie: WAIT! With... a fairy princess theme! (bats eyes)
  • Wanda: You've got it!
  • Cosmo: Oooh! She's a natural! Wait till she learns about the magic of guilt! (Wanda shines him with a flashlight) Coma.
  • Wanda: Right.

(they grant the wish, with a Birthday Fiesta poof, the scene transitions to a massive parade for Tootie being held in Dimmsdale.)

  • Chet Ubetcha: (broadcasting) Good afternoon. I'm Chet Ubetcha! And it's party central here in downtown Dimmsdale as everyone is gearing up for Princess Tootie's birthday!

(Tootie is pulled by Cosmo and Wanda poofed into a horse and carriage. Timmy follows them not far behind sweeping up the mess.)

  • Timmy: Tootie's so happy I can ignore her for the rest of the year without feeling any guilt! What could possibly go wrong? (sniffs, looks at broom) Other than having to clean up these after-pellets.

(Nearby, Crocker approaches a birthday cake that is taller than the Dimmsdale Dimmadome.)

  • Mr. Crocker: Hmm... a cake as tall as the stadium, Tootie popular, me bringing a child a present... nothing out of the ordinary here! (tastes the icing on the cake and is stunned) Real buttercream icing!? Nobody makes this from scratch anymore! There can only be one explanation!

(Crocker pulls out a crude drawing that mostly accurately summarizes the plot up until this point.)

  • Mr. Crocker: Turner must have ignored Tootie’s multiple party invitations, thus ruining her birthday! Feeling guilty, he impulsively loans her his… FAIRY GODPARENTS! Thus, the delicious icing and my chance to expose his… FAIRY GODPARENTS! (rips up drawing)

(at Tootie's carriage)

  • Tootie: Thank you for the best birthday ever!
  • Wanda: Aww no need to thank us.
  • Tootie: You're right. You already know how nice you are. But I should tell everyone else!
  • Wanda: Uh, Tootie... Let's just keep that little secret between us.
  • Tootie: Oh, that would be rude! Everyone should know how great you are!

(Tootie runs off as Timmy overhears her.)

  • Timmy: Oh-no! Cosmo and Wanda forgot to tell Princess Bigmouth that she can't blab to anyone about them, or they'll go away forever!
  • Guests in crowd: Great party Tootie!
  • Tootie: I know, it's all because of my-
  • Timmy: (interrupts) Keep it moving, folks! Everybody wants to talk to the birthday princess!
  • Tootie: TIMMY! (she grabs him and hugs him tightly) I knew you'd come! Ooooh, Timmy! Meet my fairy-
  • Timmy: (covers her mouth) -Princess! Not another word, no time, you've got hundreds of presents to open! (grabs her hand and pulls her away)
  • Tootie: You're holding my hand!

(A crowd gathers in front of the city hall building where Timmy and Tootie are seated, and helicopter flies above and dumps a huge pile of presents in front of Tootie.)

  • Tootie: Thank you. (opens gift and Crocker appears out of it)
  • Mr. Crocker: Fabulous bash, birthday child! I have a great big present for you... if you can explain how you came to have a cake with REAL BUTTERCREAM ICING! Was it... FAIRY GODPARENTS!?
  • Tootie: Uh-uh-uh. Present first.
  • Mr. Crocker: You're nobody's fool Tootie. I respect that. (hands her his present)
  • Tootie: Okay. Now I can tell you how I got my icing... my-
  • Timmy: Another present, my princess? (pulls a gift from a huge stack of presents, causing them to fall on Crocker)
  • Mr. Crocker: Gah!
  • Timmy: Oops, my bad.
  • Tootie: (opens Crocker's gift and pulls out a detention card) One detention? You gave me a detention for my birthday!?
  • Mr. Crocker: It's a gag gift! Squeeze it, it farts!
  • Tootie: (squeezes the card and it farts) Hehehe! Neat.
  • Timmy: Oh, look! It's cake time. Time to make a wish and blow out your birthday candles!
  • Tootie: But I already made my wish, my fair- (Timmy grabs her hand) You're holding my hand again!

(Tootie laughs and hyperventilates as Timmy leads her toward the giant cake. A lift takes them to the top as Crocker chases after them.)

  • Timmy: Phew. Crocker will never find us here.

(Behind them, Crocker appears posing as the cake's top ornament. He ballerina dances in front of Tootie.)

  • Tootie: AHHH! You're weird!
  • Crocker: Says you! And several psychiatric professionals, but that's beside the point. Is this monumentally moist layer cake the work of... give me a second. (deep breath) FAIRY GODPARENTS!?

(Timmy appears between Tootie and Crocker and shoves cake in their mouths.)

  • Timmy: Ubupbupbup. Princesses don't talk with their mouths full. C'mon, let's go count those presents.

(Timmy leads her away, but accidentally over the side of the cake. They hang in midair and fall. Tootie grabs a ledge on the side of the cake while Timmy holds onto her legs below. Crocker lowers a microphone to them.)

  • Mr. Crocker: Grab onto this, child! And while you're at it, why not tell the world your secret?

('Tootie reaches for the microphone, but her hand slips and they fall.)

  • Timmy: AHHH! Don't you wish there was a big trampoline at the bottom of this cake?
  • Tootie: AHHH! Yes! I sure do!

('Cosmo and Wanda poof into a trampoline below them as Tootie and Timmy bounce off them, unharmed.)

  • Cosmo: Ahahahaha! That tickles!
  • Timmy: Heh! Yes! We're safe!

(They land at the top of the cake and end up waist deep in the icing.)

  • Timmy: And now we're not. (looks at nearby clocktower, its 8:55pm) Only five more minutes!
  • Mr. Crocker: Princess Tootie! You've bounced back just in time to make your big speech and blow out your candles! Ahem, attention everyone! It's time for Princess Tootie's birthday speech! (hands Timmy a bunch of balloons) Hold these.
  • Timmy: (flies off) Help! Ahhhhh!!
  • Mr. Crocker: And when you get back here, I'm giving you an F! (to Tootie) Make your speech, princess! If you have a big royal secret, now's the time to scream it to the heavens!
  • Tootie: I do! I do! I do have something I want to scream to the heavens!

(Timmy is being carried off by the balloons toward the helicopter's spinning blades.)

  • Timmy: Yahhhh! I wish- Oh that's right! I'm on my own here!

(scene flashes between Tootie's speech and Timmy floating toward the helicopter)

  • Tootie: Birthday guests, birthday guests. I, princess Tootie, want you all to know that I have...
  • Mr. Crocker: Oh for heaven's sake, child! Spit it out!

(Tootie takes a deep breath, presumably about to reveal the fairies, when Timmy lets go of the balloons and lands in the cake front of her.)

  • Timmy: A boyfriend!
  • Tootie: What!?
  • Mr. Crocker: What!?
  • Timmy: WHAT!?

(Crowd gasps, Cosmo and Wanda as birds sigh in relief.)

  • Timmy: I mean, yes! A boyfriend!
  • Mr. Crocker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Timmy grabs Tootie and gives her a long kiss as the clock ticks toward 9pm.)

  • Mr. Crocker: Tootie, blink twice if you have... FAIRY GODPARENTS!

(The clock strikes 9pm, Tootie's memory of Cosmo and Wanda fades and Timmy breaks the kiss.)

  • Tootie: Fairy what? Who?
  • Mr. Crocker: This is not over!

(Cosmo and Wanda as birds lower a hook from the helicopter which grabs Mr. Crocker by the belt and pulls him away.)

  • Timmy: And now it is!
  • Mr. Crocker: (to helicopter) Curse you Igor Sikorsky, and all your infernal wingless flying machines!
  • Timmy: (to Cosmo and Wanda) So you're my fairy godparents again?
  • Wanda: Yes!
  • Timmy: Then I wish Tootie forgot she had fairy godparents and forgot that I was her boyfriend!

(Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands, an ERASE poof appears)

  • Tootie: (glomps Timmy) Thanks for the wonderful birthday party, boyfriend! I can't remember how I-
  • Timmy: I'm not your boyfriend!
  • Tootie: (voice cracking, tears in eyes) Y-y-y-y-you're... not?!
  • Timmy: Oh no! It's the magic of guilt!
  • Cosmo: Timmy, go for the coma!

(Wanda glares at them.)

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