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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Birthday Bashed!" from Season 6, which aired on July 9, 2009.


Transcript[]

[Fade in on the Turners' house. The sun rises. It becomes 7:00 and Timmy's alarm clock buzzes]
Timmy: [wakes up] At last! The official start of the greatest day ever! My birthday!
Cosmo and Wanda: Happy birthday, Timmy! [balloons and a banner reading "Happy birthday Timmy!" appear]
Timmy: It's a great day to celebrate moi!
Cosmo: It's also the day that Crocker plans his annual surprise attack!
Timmy: Oh, yeah. I wish his garage would collapse. [cut to Mr. Crocker's garage]
Mr. Crocker: At last! I've finally developed the perfect fairy-catching... [the garage collapses] Gah! [cut to Timmy's room]
Timmy: Okay, guys, what's the dizzle on this special occasion?
Wanda: We start with a backyard carnival... [she poofs up a carnival in the backyard, as well as a stage] entertainment—Chip Skylark is confirmed—move on to presents, then the world's biggest birthday cake topped by... [Juandissimo as Timmy appears over the cake]
Cosmo: Juandissimo?
Juandissimo: Feliz cumpleaños to my gorgeous self. [laughs] I'm Timmy! Look how stupid I am!
Cosmo: How did Timmy get on top of the cake?
Timmy: That's your present? A bad impression of me?
Juandissimo: Well, I admit it is not perfect. But check out the big poofy dientes! [makes goofy noises]
Timmy: No! Check out Poof's impression of me! Show him, Poof! [Poof concentrates and makes his head look like Timmy's]
Poof: Poof poof!
Juandissimo: [blinks] I admit defeat. [giving Timmy a photo] Here's a picture of me instead. But I'm staying for the party! You throw amazing parties—for someone who is never invited to any.
Timmy: Oh, yeah! And this year's birthday bash is going to rock! [Jorgen appears]
Jorgen: I was eavesdropping and couldn't help but overhear you say it was your birthday! Allow me to give you, my present. [he loads a videodisc player connected to a TV, and the TV starts showing a video titled How to Deal with Losing Your Fairies]
Adam West: [in the video] Hello there, special children! I'm film star and handsome narrator Adam West. As we know, fairy godparents are assigned to children in need of help. [two fairies are shown holding a jump rope for a young Mr. Crocker] And according to the rules, [Crocker becomes older] when each kid reaches that certain... older age, their fairies have to leave them... [the female fairy's watch beeps] forever. [the fairies poof up suitcases and leave. Crocker screams and runs after them but trips on a log]
Young Crocker: My fairies!
Timmy: Not loving this present.
Jorgen: Wait! It gets better!
Adam West: [as Crocker cries on the ground] This video is full of tips on how to deal with having your best friends [an adult Crocker is shown crying] and any memory of them ripped away. It'll help when you grow into a bitter adult with that nagging feeling something's missing in your life.
Crocker: I'm a bitter adult with something missing in my life! Gah! [continues crying]
Adam West: So happy birthday! And here's to losing your fairies! [he blows out a candle on a slice of cake, blackening the TV screen. "The End" appears on the screen. The disc comes out and hits Timmy in the face]
Cosmo: [eating popcorn] Great present! I love the ending!
Timmy: What? I'm losing my fairies?
Wanda: How long does he have?
Jorgen: What is today, Saturday? One, two, three... today.
Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda: Today?!
Jorgen: We will do the extraction right after your party. Now, where's the ice cream? I want to get my dairy on.
Timmy: Uh, there is no party today, cause it's not my birthday!
Wanda: ♪ Doo doo-doo doo-doo! ♪ [she poofs away everything in the backyard, and the popcorn]
Cosmo: Aww!
Jorgen: Ha! I know it's your birthday because I have it written down in my "ruin a kid's life" at-a-glance planner! [he opens the planner, revealing the circled event "Ruin Turner's life". Timmy rips the page out and puts it in Cosmo's mouth]
Cosmo: [swallows the page] Paper cut!
Timmy: I don't see anything here that proves it's my birthday. And since there's no proof, you can't take my fairies.
Jorgen: You win this round, Turner, but I can sniff out a birthday party better than anyone. [sniffs] Right now, I smell one at Tommy Toetingle's house. He's losing his fairies, and he's a big crier. It should be fun! But I'll be back. [disappears]
Timmy: Okay, guys, party's cancelled. I don't want presents, I don't want cake, and I don't want Jorgen taking you guys away.
Wanda: But what if your parents throw you a party?
Timmy: Don't panic. My parents forget my birthday every year. There's no way they're throwing me a party.
Mr. Turner: [standing outside] Oh, Timmy! Can you help us with this party stuff?
Cosmo: Is it time to panic now? Dah! [he bites his fingernails, with his hands moving from side to side like paper in a typewriter]
Timmy: Uh, yep. [screams] I can't let Jorgen see any signs of a party! [zip away. Cut to the living room]
Mrs. Turner: [bringing a cake inside with Mr. Turner] Hi, Timmy! Guess what we...
Timmy: We can't have cake in this house!
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Why not?
Timmy: Because... of... pie lovers. You know how they hate cake. [taking the cake] Do you want a riot on your hands? [puts the cake in the oven] Now quick, get outta here before the pie lovers show up! [beat] I think I hear them coming!
Mr. Turner: [shouts] Pie people are scary people!
Mrs. Turner: They're frosting-hating freaks! [she and her husband run into their car and drive away]
Timmy: [watching through his window] Okay, what's next? [Jorgen appears in the closet with a sensor]
Jorgen: Aha! My cake detector just went crazy! And where there is cake, there is birthday! Huh? [Cosmo and Juandissimo, who looks like Timmy, are playing checkers]
Wanda: No cake here.
Juandissimo: Just us very sexy godkids.
Jorgen: Don't try to distract me with that Latin accent and that new buff bod, Turner. It's your birthday, and I cannot be fooled! [disappears]
Wanda: Now, that's what I call Timmy-impersonating teamwork. [Poof, the head of the Timmy disguise, turns back to normal]
Juandissimo: Uh, by the way, the niño needs a diaper change,
Wanda: One?
Juandissimo: Dos. [cut to outside the house]
Balloon Guy: Here's your balloons, little buddy! [Timmy pops them with a blowgun] Not the reaction I usually get, but all right. The big bounce house is here too!
Timmy: Not for long. [jumps onto the bounce house and removes the plug. He flies up, and the bounce house deflates]
Jorgen: [appears under Timmy's bed] Aha! My bounce house detector is off the chart! And bounce houses mean birthday party! [Timmy flies up outside the window. Wanda frets and poofs up a group of people who play tango music, then disguises Juandissimo and Poof as Timmy in a tango outfit. Jorgen blinks. Juandissimo dances up to him. The room becomes dark, then a spotlight shines on them] Turner, I didn't know you danced the tango.
Juandissimo: Are you going to talk or dance? [Jorgen grabs him]
Jorgen: How do you talk without moving your lips? It's kind of creepy. [dipping] Olé! [cut to Timmy landing on a sidewalk]
Timmy: Ah... Okay, cake, balloons, moon bounce—all gonzo! [hears honking] Party entertainment? This looks like a job for... [strips to a superhero costume] Detour Man! [tries to take off and falls to the ground] Can't fly. [a circus truck is coming. The driver sees Timmy putting signs pointing left in the road, then shrugs and turns left] My work here is done. Detour Man away! [tries to take off and falls to the ground] Still can't fly. [cut to Crocker's house]
Crocker: [comes out of the garage in a tank] At last! I've repaired the garage, and it's the perfect time to launch my secret birthday fairy-napping attack! [he laughs maniacally and presses a button that makes the tank disguise itself as an ice cream truck, then laughs and drives off. He crashes into the circus truck. The clowns and acrobats on the truck fall, and he lands on them. They form a pyramid with him on top] Thanks for breaking my fall. [the man under him spins him with his feet, and he screams. Cut to Timmy walking in front of his house]
Timmy: I will never lose my fairies! [hears honking] Oh, what now? [a clown on a unicycle passes him] Wait! Stop!
Clown: Whadja want, kid? I'm late for the Turner party.
Timmy: Precisely why I stopped you. [writing on a notepad] I just wanted to let you know that the Turner party has been moved to this location. [gives him the note] And go heavy on the seltzer. [cut to Crocker's house]
Crocker: Hmm, a French circus party truck. Clearly an attempt by Turner to distract me. No matter! [laughs maniacally as he runs into the garage. He comes out in a robotic suit] My Birthday Basher will not only destroy Turner's party but will give me the ultimate present: his fairies! Ha! Nothing can stop me!
Clown: [sees Crocker] Happy birthday! [he sprays Crocker with seltzer, making the Birthday Basher short-circuit and shock him]
Crocker: [screams] Clowns are not funny! [cut to the Turners' house]
Timmy: [walking through the living room] Well, the good news is, I stopped my party and Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof won't have to leave. [his parents watch from behind the couch]
Mr. Turner: Get him!
Mrs. Turner: Crazed boy! [they tackle Timmy offscreen and put him in a straitjacket] Your insane behavior left us no choice, Timmy! You're nuts!
Mr. Turner: Why are you deliberately trying to sabotage the party?
Timmy: Uh, I hate to see you guys go through all that trouble for me? [his parents blink and start laughing]
Mr. Turner: Trouble!
Mrs. Turner: Oh, Timmy, that stuff wasn't for you.
Timmy: It wa...?
Mr. Turner: No! Why would we throw you a party? It was for our anniversary party! This year is our "cake, moon bounce, ice cream, balloon, creepy French circus, clown" anniversary! See?
Timmy: [reading a banner as his parents unfurl it] "Happy anniversary to us"?
Mrs. Turner: Oh, no. Did we forget your birthday again?
Timmy: Uh, nope. You guys are doing' just fine.
Mr. Turner: Great! In that case, we're off to the Cake 'n' Bacon for our anniversary dinner!
Mrs. Turner: [as they leave] And we got Vicky to babysit.
Vicky: Hey, twerp! I got you a present! [grabs Timmy before he can run away. She laughs evilly as she puts him on a rocket, then gives him cake, a party hat, and balloons and ties him to the rocket] Happy boomday— I mean, birthday! [launches the rocket and laughs evilly. The rocket crashes into Timmy's room]
Jorgen: Eh? Another Turner? On a rocket? With party balloons and a hat? What is going on here? [takes Poof off Juandissimo. The two turn back to normal and he gasps] Juandissimo! How could you?
Juandissimo: [smiles sheepishly] Here's a funny story. [poofs away]
Jorgen: Turner! There is something I need to say to you.
Timmy: Well, don't bother! It's my birthday, okay? We pulled this scheme so I could keep Cosmo and Wanda, but it didn't work, so go ahead and take 'em. [Cosmo and Wanda poof up suitcases]
Cosmo: I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
Timmy: This has been the worst birthday ever. And now I'm going to lose my fairy godparents! [eats cake] Why did I eat that?
Jorgen: I was going to say, "Are you crazy?" Between having parents that forget your birthday every year, a mean babysitter that straps you to rockets, and fairies that imitate you just so they can dance with me, it's clear that you're going to need your fairies for a long, long time.
Timmy: Really? So, I get to keep 'em?
Jorgen: Oh, yeah. Big time. [Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof cheer and hug] Now, there is yet one more thing I need to say to you! [he strikes the floor with his wand, poofing everyone onto a giant cake in Fairy World]
Fairies: Happy birthday, Timmy! [a song starts]
Chip Skylark: ♪ It's Timmy's birthday party! (Happy birthday, hap-happy birthday!) ♪
♪ This is his birthday song! (Happy birthday, hap-happy birthday!) ♪
♪ It's Timmy's birthday party! (Happy birthday, hap-happy birthday!) ♪
♪ So let's party all night long! (Happy birthday, Timmy!) ♪
♪ It's Timmy's birthday party! (Happy birthday!) ♪
♪ His anniversary! ♪
♪ And here's a song from me, and it's royalty-free! ♪
♪ Happy birthday, Timmy! (Happy birthday, Timmy!) ♪
♪ Happy birthday, Timmy! (Happy birthday, Timmy!) ♪
♪ Happy birthday, Timmy! (Happy birthday, Timmy!) ♪
Timmy: Thanks for throwing me a party, you guys. And the best present of all is that we get to stay together.
Cosmo: I thought the best present was Juandissimo's impression of you!
Juandissimo: [as Timmy] I'm still estúpido! [makes a goofy noise as his eyes spin]
Cosmo: See? It's still funny! [fireworks explode. Fade to Crocker's house]
Crocker: Hmm... Clowns, jugglers, creepy French acrobat... Not the day I'd imagined for myself, but okay! Let 'er rip! [the clown sprays him with seltzer. The garage collapses on them. Iris out. The end title card is shown] Gah! Fairies! [fade to black]