Beach Blanket Bozos/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Beach Blanket Bozos"
Season	7
Episode	114A
Airdate	August 15, 2011
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Beach Blanket Bozos" from Season 7, which aired on August 15, 2011.

Transcript

[Fade in on a sign reading "Welcome to Hawaii". An airplane lands, and passenger stairs are brought up to its door]

Mr. Turner: [kicking the door open] Ooh, Hawaii! Nothing like spending a tropical vacation with the love of my life! Isn't that right, Boardy? [he kisses the surfboard, breathes on it, and then rubs it to make his reflection appear] Ooh, I can't wait to ride the Hawaiian waves with you!

Mrs. Turner: You know, you're not the only one who loves surfing.

Mr. Turner: Maybe, but I'm the only one who was ever good at it!

Mrs. Turner: We'll just see about that. I challenge you to a surf-off! As soon as the nice baggage man unloads Timmy from the cargo hold. [suitcases and dog crates are unloaded from the plane]

Timmy: [sticking his head out a crate] I can't believe my parents shipped me in a dog crate!

Wanda: [as a dog] Well, they did need the third seat for their surfboards, sport.

Cosmo: [as a dog] Look on the bright side, Timmy: At least you got a new flea collar, and you no longer have worms! [Timmy forces his head back inside the crate and scratches himself with his foot]

Timmy: I sure hope this vacation gets better.

[Cut to Timmy on a beach]

Grass Skirt Girl: [puts a lei on Timmy] Aloha. [dances away]

Timmy: [to the fairies] Okay, it just got a lot better. You know, in Hawaiian, aloha means 'hello', 'I love you', and 'goodbye'.

Cosmo: Really? I thought it meant 'bury your wife in the sand'! [buried in sand, Wanda mumbles]

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Turner on the beach]

Mrs. Turner: I still say there's no way you're a better surfer than me. You haven't been surfing in years!

Mr. Turner: Eeh, that's where you're wrong! I've surfed the Internet!

Mr. and Mrs. Turner: [strip to swimsuits] Banzai! [they zip toward the ocean with their surfboards]

Timmy: Perfect. While they're outta my hair, I'm gonna meet that friendly Hawaiian girl at the luau.

Surfer #1: Dude, you can't come to our luau. It's, like, reserved for surfer dudes and their families.

Timmy: No sweat; my parents are champion surfers from way back. Check it out.

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner are struggling to surf. A fist-shaped wave punches them, and they slide into the sand and slam into rocks. They are left dazed and injured]

Mr. Turner: [shouts] Curse you, giant ocean hand! [surfers and other people laugh]

Surfer #2: Dude, your parents are the worst surfers ever. [pokes Timmy's forehead, leaving a bump]

Timmy: [wipes the bump away] Those two? I'm not their son. I've never seen them before in my life.

Mr. Turner: Son, I may need a blood transfusion, son, and you'd be a perfect genetic match, 'cause you're my son, son.

Mrs. Turner: [plants an umbrella beside Timmy] Stay out of the sun, son! [drags her husband away]

[The umbrella opens, revealing the message "We ♥ Timmy (our son)" on it, and people laugh]

Surfer #1: [pushes Timmy's head into the sand] Aloha. [leaves laughing]

Cosmo: See, Wanda? I was right! [covers her with sand]

[Timmy gets out of the sand. The sand over his eyes peels off]

Timmy: [spits out sand] Aw, man! My mom and dad are gonna ruin my whole vacation, all 'cause they can't surf!

[Mr. Turner goes to surf but is punched offscreen and goes flying. He lands upright on the ground and sighs with relief, then his board slams him into a rock and Mrs. Turner slams into him and the board. Her surfboard goes flying toward the two of them but stops once its leash is pulled taut, then the rock the leash is caught on slams into them]

Timmy: But if my parents could surf better than anybody on the beach, those surfer dudes would definitely let me come to the luau! Ready, Cosmo?

Cosmo: [using a metal detector] Hang on, Timmy. I gotta find Wanda. I hope she's wearing her earrings.

[The detector beeps. Wanda's hand rises from the sand, holding her wand]

Cosmo: Forget Wanda! I found a magic wand!

Timmy: Cosmo, focus! I wish my parents were the best surfers ever!

[Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof grant the wish. Mr. and Mrs. Turner are crying when they are affected by magic]

Mr. Turner: Wow! I suddenly feel like the best surfer ever!

Mrs. Turner: And I feel like I'm the best surfer ever!

Mr. Turner: Care for a surf-off?

Mrs. Turner: You bet!

Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Surf's up!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner jump toward the water with their boards. A fist forms in the water. Mr. and Mrs. Turner land on the water, creating another fist that punches the other one away. Water splashes on Timmy]

Surfer #1: Whoa! Look at that dude! He's the best surfer ever!

Surfer Girl: No, that lady dude's the best surfer ever!

Surfer #2: Dude, they're both the best surfers ever.

[While surfing, Mr. Turner makes a painting, Mrs. Turner makes a pot, Mr. Turner grills patties, Mrs. Turner charms a snake, Mr. Turner plays the organ, and Mrs. Turner commands a dog to jump through a flaming hoop]

Timmy: Go, Mom and Dad!

Surfer #2: You're their kid? Dude, you're totally welcome at our luau! You can even be our king!

[The surfer girl puts a crown on Timmy and gives him a smoothie, which he drinks while she and Surfer #1 carry him on a bamboo litter]

Timmy: This luau's gonna be awesome! Aloha, friendly hula girl! [the ground in front of him and the surfers splits, and a volcano erupts]

Surfer #2: Luau's canceled! [running away with the other surfers] Clear the beach!

[Jorgen rides a copy of Da Rules down the lava flow and drinks a smoothie. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear]

Jorgen: Aloha!

Cosmo: I just dug her up, but okay! [covers Wanda with sand]

Jorgen: Turner, I came to tell you two important things. One, you have put your parents in terrible danger, and two, these pineapple smoothies are mooka-laka-licious! [drinks]

Timmy: I know, right? Wait, go back to the "parents in danger" part.

Jorgen: Because of you, your parents are stuck in a deadly state of wish limbo! [as an echo] Limbo! Limbo! Limbo! Limbo! [drinks]

Timmy: "Wish limbo"? [as an echo] "Limbo"? "Limbo"? "Limbo"? "Limbo"? [in person] Is that bad?

Jorgen: No. [the volcano erupts] The erupting volcano and my use of the phrase deadly state mean everything is hunky-dory fine. Listen, you wished for both of your parents to be the best surfer ever, right?

Timmy: So? What's wrong with that?

Jorgen: It is impossible for them both to be the best at the same time! They will be locked into eternal competition forever! [Cosmo screams as lava bombs fly past him and burn Timmy's crown] Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go get some coconut shrimp. [leaving] Aloha!

Timmy: Mom, Dad, time to call it a day! [Mr. Turner is surfing on a shark]

Mr. Turner: [chuckles] No can do, Timmy! I'm not quitting until your mother admits I'm the best surfer ever!

Mrs. Turner: [surfing on a squid] And I'm not quitting until your father admits I'm the best surfer ever! En garde!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner start fencing. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof walk up to Timmy as crabs]

Timmy: They gotta get tired eventually, right?

[Cut to "some time later"]

Mr. Turner: I'm not going to eat, sleep, or shave my legs 'til you give in!

Mrs. Turner: I'm not going to eat, sleep, or shave my beard 'til you give in!

[Cut to a bearded Timmy cooking a sausage over a fire]

Timmy: Man, those hairy whack jobs are never gonna leave the water! This is the worst vacation ever! I gotta find a way to end wish limbo! [as an echo] Limbo! Limbo! Limbo! [in person] Jorgen!

Jorgen: [appears dancing in a grass skirt] Don't know why the grass skirt is so popular. I could swear there are crickets in here.

Timmy: You gotta help me! How do I stop my mom and dad before they surf for the rest of my life?

Jorgen: That is the problem with wish limbo! [as an echo] Limbo! Limbo! Limbo!

Timmy: Yeah, yeah, limbo, limbo, limbo! How do you stop it, stop it, stop it?

Jorgen: The only way to break the spell is to get your parents to give up the competition on their own. But to do that, you must find something that means more to them than surfing.

Timmy: How am I gonna do that?

Jorgen: That is for you to figure out, because I'm going back to my four-star hotel to order a pupu platter. Room service says it tastes better than it sounds. [takes out a fork and knife and poofs away]

Timmy: I gotta find something my parents love better than surfing. [snaps his fingers] Wanda, Cosmo, I need a jet ski! And a shave! [the godparents give those to him]

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Turner surfing. Timmy shows up on Cosmo, the jet ski]

Timmy: Mom, Dad, wait! If you give up surfing right now, I'll give you all this stuff! Check it out: a big flat-screen TV, a diamond necklace, and a pony!

Mr. Turner: Well, the pony is tempting, but nothing can make me give up the chance to defeat your mother! [surfing past Timmy] Surf's up!

Mrs. Turner: Thanks, Timmy, but nothing can make me give up the chance to show up your father! [surfing toward her husband] Wait for me!

Timmy: Time for drastic measures. If I can't bribe my mom and dad into quitting, maybe I can scare them into it!

Wanda: Good thinking, Timmy. Their own lives must be more important to them than surfing.

Timmy: Guys, I wish for the scariest surfing spot ever!

[The fairies grant the wish: Mines, jagged rocks, a whirlpool, and pirate ships firing cannonballs appear in the water]

Mrs. Turner: Ooh, look, dear: our greatest surfing challenge yet!

Mr. Turner: This dangerous patch of water should prove once and for all who's the best!

Mr. and Mrs. Turner: [surfing through the water] Yay! Yay!

Wanda: Timmy, your parents are gonna get creamed in there!

Cosmo: Yeah! And they haven't even seen the giant kraken yet!

Timmy: The giant kraken?

[Timmy looks down and sees he is on the kraken. The fairies turn back to normal]

Timmy: Guess I didn't think this through. [the kraken grabs him, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof]

Wanda: I can't move my hands!

Timmy: We're doomed! Somebody help!

Mrs. Turner: Look! That kraken just grabbed Timmy and some weird pink, green, and purple sea creatures! [shaves her beard and sprays her mouth] I'm gonna go save him! [surfs toward him]

Mr. Turner: Trying to upstage me, huh? I'm a better giver-upper-to-help-my-son than you are! [rips his armpit hair and beard out] Hold on, son! [surfs toward him]

[Wish limbo ends. Mr. and Mrs. Turner's surfing comes to a stop and they fall into the water. A wave in front of them cracks its knuckles]

Mr. Turner: Eh, I don't feel very surf-tastic anymore. [the wave breaks over Mr. and Mrs. Turner, leaving them trapped in seaweed]

Mrs. Turner: Help! Help!

Wanda: Timmy, looks like wish limbo ended when your parents decided to save you. You must be the only thing more important to them than surfing.

Cosmo: Personally, I would have taken the pony.

[The kraken roars, and Timmy and the fairies scream. Seaweed is thrown in the kraken's face]

Mr. Turner: Let go of my son, fish-breath!

Mrs. Turner: Shoo! Shoo! [throwing seaweed at the kraken] You heard me!

[The seaweed hits the kraken's face, and the kraken roars, releases Timmy and the fairies, who go flying and scream, and grabs Mr. and Mrs. Turner]

Mr. Turner: Eeh, I guess we didn't think this through.

Timmy: Guys, quick, I wish for a great big wave to get rid of that kraken!

Cosmo: On it! [makes a giant wave break over the kraken]

Timmy: [using Poof as a surfboard] Cowabunga! Now who's the best surfer ever? And thanks, Poof!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner are in a basket leashed to Poof. The surfers and other people cheer. Timmy comes ashore]

Surfer #1: Dude, you are one amazing surfer!

[Timmy sees the grass skirt girl. She puts a lei on him, and he becomes lovestruck]

Surfer #1: Let's get to that luau!

Timmy: Aloha! That means 'I was hoping you'd say that'.

Mr. Turner: Oh, honey, I'm really sorry. I apologize.

Mrs. Turner: And I'm sorry too. I'm a great apologizer.

Mr. Turner: I'm a better apologizer than you!

Mrs. Turner: I'm a better apologizer than you!

Mr. and Mrs. Turner: No, I am! No, I am! I... / No, I am! No, I am!

Timmy: Yeah, that's gonna have to stop.

[Fade to the luau. The grass skirt girl throws a torch onto two uprights]

Mr. Turner: [limboing under the torch] Limbo!

Mrs. Turner: [limboing under the torch] Limbo!

Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Limbo! [dancing] Limbo!

Timmy: From now on, this is the only kinda limbo I wanna see. Well, I've only got one more day left in Hawaii, so if I wanna have fun, I better get crackin'!

Cosmo: One kraken comin' up!

[People scream and run away as Cosmo makes a kraken appear. The kraken slams him into the ground]

Cosmo: I think I made a pupu platter.

[Iris out on Cosmo's face. The end title card is shown]

Jorgen: [in voice-over] Pupu platter!

[Fade to black]

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