|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||April 20, 2001|
(It starts at the Turner household where Mr. and Mrs. Turner celebrate their anniversary)
- Mr. Turner: Happy anniversary, honey. Are you ready for your anniversary present?
- Mrs. Turner: Oh, I'm so excited! What is it? What is it?
- Mr. Turner: Open your eyes!
- Mrs. Turner: (opens eyes and gasps) It's a blindfold! Oh, I've always wanted one.
- Mr. Turner: And I've always wanted roller-skates! I love the blindfold-and-roller-skate anniversary!
(Mr. Turner laughs, then slips on his roller-skates and Mrs. Turner falls on top of them. They laugh while Timmy and Cosmo, disguised as a pillow, walk away)
- Timmy: If they're into that stuff, they're going to love it when I cook them their special anniversary dinner!
(Cosmo transforms back into his fairy form)
- Cosmo: Psst, don't forget Timmy you still have to help me with my anniversary surprise!
- Timmy: I know, today's yours and Wanda's anniversary too! That's convenient. (Timmy enters his bedroom, covered in Styrofoam and steps in it) Styrofoam?
- Cosmo: Yeah! Wanda and I have been married nine thousand, eight hundred and ninety five years today, that's the Styrofoam anniversary!
- Timmy: Cool!
- Cosmo: Yeah! Thanks for sending Wanda away so I can decorate the room! What sort of meaningless task did you wish for her to do anyway?
- Timmy: Oh, something she'll never be able to do. Even with magic.
(cuts to Wanda outside yelling at a sleeping cat)
- Wanda: For the last time, learn a trick! Sit up! Roll over! Oh, care about something other than yourself, you stupid cat! (cat holds up its sharp claws) Mr. Whiskers?
(cuts back to Timmy and Cosmo in a sparkling Styrofoam room wearing Styrofoam suits)
- Timmy: Thanks for the Styrofoam tuxedo, Cosmo. Wanda's gonna be really surprised! (Timmy breaks his Styrofoam sleeves)
- Cosmo: I wonder how she's going to surprise me. (Cosmo breaks his sleeves) She really loves me, you know. She loves everything!
(Wanda poofs in and the boys look at her excitedly, she looks messy and grumpy)
- Wanda: I hate everything! I hate cats, I hate this day, I'm going to bed... which I hate!
- Cosmo: Hey, lamb-chop. Aren't you forgetting something? (puckers his lips for a kiss)
- Wanda: Oh, right. (drops angry cat on him) I'm outta here!
(Wanda floats to the fishbowl, turns into a goldfish and goes into her castle. Timmy dumps a bucket of water over Cosmo)
- Cosmo: (eyes well up) She didn't remember our anniversary! I spent all morning slaving over a hot wand for this?! (lips tremble)
- Timmy: Aw, cheer up dude! I'm sure she'll love this Styrofoam.
- Wanda: (off-screen) And get this Styrofoam out of the fish bowl! (throws a portrait of Cosmo and Wanda at Cosmo's head, breaking it in half)
- Cosmo: (angrily) Fine! If she can't remember our anniversary, then I'm not gonna be around for her not to remember any more anniversaries with!
- Timmy: Huh?
- Cosmo: (crying) I'm going home to my mommy, and I'm taking my half of the magic with me! (poofs away)
- Wanda: (poofs in with a wrapped up puppy with a bow on its head) Happy anniversary, Cosmo!
- Timmy: You mean you remembered?!
- Wanda: Of course! Every fairy knows that the nine thousand, eight hundred and ninety fifth anniversary is the false anger anniversary.
- Timmy: Every fairy except Cosmo! He thinks it's real anger, and he's so upset he went home to his mother!
- Wanda: (shocked) His mother? Mama Cosma? (drops puppy) Oh no! That's really bad! She doesn't even know Cosmo and I have been married nine thousand, eight hundred and ninety five years!
- Timmy: What does she think he's been doing for almost ten thousand years?
(cuts to Mama Cosma on her doorstep in Fairy World)
- Mama Cosma: Did you get the milk, Cosmo? It seems like you've been gone for ten thousand years!
- Cosmo: Mama, I have a confession to make. I wasn't exactly out getting milk.
- Mama Cosma: Well, as long as you weren't out getting married to that Wanda girl, then I still love you.
- Cosmo: But Mama, I did get married to Wanda, and I had a fight with Wanda.
- Mama Cosma: Oh poor Cosmo, I told you she was horrible. Good thing you didn't marry her.
- Cosmo: But I did marry her!
(Mama Cosma slams the door in his face. Cosmo sighs then poofs a carton of milk into his hand)
- Mama Cosma: Oh, you've gotten the milk! Bring your single self in! There's some lovely young ladies waiting to meet you!
(Mama Cosma drags him in by his tie. Then Timmy and Wanda poof to a street corner in Fairy World)
- Timmy: Cool, we're in Fairy World. I wish...
(a crowd of fairies appear and hold out their wands to him)
- Wanda: Back off, he's with me! Posers! (falls to the ground exhausted)
- Timmy: Hey, are you ok?
- Wanda: Getting a human to Fairy World takes a lot of magic. When Cosmo and I aren't in tune with each other it's almost impossible.
- Timmy: You mean I'm stuck here until you guys make up?! I wish we could make it to Mama Cosma's house and quick!
- Wanda: That much I can still do.
(Wanda poofs them away. Meanwhile Mama Cosma is pulling on Cosmo's tie and waving to a pair of attractive girls covered in cobwebs in the corner of her house)
- Mama Cosma: Girls! Cosmo's here! (grabs milk carton) And he brought milk! (turns to Cosmo) These nice young ladies have been waiting all this time to marry you... I mean, meet you!
(the girls giggle as they float over to Cosmo)
- Mama Cosma: Now who wants some I-rather-dislike-Wanda cookies?
- Cosmo: (sitting on a pillow surrounded by the girls) I do, I'm starved! (grabs a cookie)
(Wanda and Timmy poof outside Mama Cosma's house)
- Wanda: Mama Cosma's place. Cosmo's mad and his mama's probably in there making it worse!
- Timmy: C'mon Wanda. I'm sure Cosmo loves you just as much as he always did!
(Timmy opens the door and they both gasp in shock)
- Wanda: Cosmo!
(Cosmo looks surprised as he bites the cookie in half)
- Wanda: This better not be what it looks like!
- Mama Cosma: You mean Cosmo not surrounded by women more aesthetically pleasing than you and biting your face in half on a cookie?
- Cosmo: Nope, that pretty much hits the nail on the head!
- Wanda: Sounds like a plan! (she changes Cosmo into a nail and hits him over the head with a hammer)
- Cosmo: Yow!
- Mama Cosma: He's not going to stand for that!
- Cosmo: That's right! Take this, you nasty yelling anniversary forgetter! (he changes Wanda's hair into a lighter shade of pink)
- Timmy: Did he do anything?
- Cosmo: I made her hair more summery!
- Wanda: I'm not a summer, I'm a winter!
- Mama Cosma: Here, try this. (she changes Wanda into a hippo)
- Wanda: You're such a mama's boy!
- Cosmo: I am not!
- Wanda: (changes Cosmo into a baby) Now you are!
- Cosmo: (poops his diaper) Hey, you made me make a poops!
(Cosmo and Wanda continue to have a magic fight while Timmy and the two girls watch while eating Wanda cookies. Cosmo accidentally hits Timmy and turns him into a toilet)
- Star: We don't like potty mouths.
- Timmy: Alright, that's it! I wish you guys would stop fighting!
(Cosmo and Wanda stop looking angry and look at each other)
- Timmy: This is silly, you two love each other. That's why you chose each other over everyone else in the world, and if you had to I bet you'd chose each other all over again.
- Mama Cosma: OK, you're on!
- Cosmo and Wanda: On what?
(cuts to the set of The Fairy Dating Game)
- Commentator: On The Fairy Dating Game!
- Timmy: I didn't mean right now, and I wish I wasn't a toilet anymore! (Timmy is changed back to his human form) It's getting late! I still gotta make my parent's anniversary dinner! I hope she's not too hungry, when she's hungry mom gets kinda testy.
(cuts to the Turner household where Timmy's parents sit at a table with melted down candles in the middle. Mrs. Turner still has her blindfold on and Mr. Turner is falling asleep)
- Mr. Turner: (waking up) Monkey feet! Boy, I wonder what's taking Timmy so long with our dinner.
(Mrs. Turner roars in anger and takes a bite out of the table)
- Mr. Turner: Now honey, too much fiber will spoil your appetite.
(Mrs. Turner roars angrily at him)
- Mr. Turner: (nervously) And I'm just fine with that!
(cuts back to the Fairy Dating Game set)
- Commentator: And now here's the host of the Fairy Dating Game: Cupid!
- Cupid: (poofs in) Hi there! Welcome to the Fairy Dating Game where fairy god parents find the fairies of their fairy dreams! Our contestant today, (elbows Cosmo) prodded by his mother, is here to see if he'd choose his wife all over again! Please welcome fairy and mama's boy, Cosmo!
- Cosmo: (annoyed) I am not a mama's boy!
- Mama Cosma: Yes you are!
- Cosmo: (defeated) Yes mama.
- Timmy: You'll see, he'll pick Wanda as his true love just like the first time!
- Mama Cosma: You're right! Which is why I bribed Cupid with oodles of cash, ta! (runs away with a sack of money in her hands)
- Cupid: Cosmo, it's time for you to start asking questions of our two beautiful mystery contestants. (gestures to Star and Twinkle)
- Wanda: Hey!
- Cupid: And the average looking one.
- Cosmo: Who yells a lot!
- Cupid: Whoever you choose will be hit with these magic love arrows, fabulous, which will bond them to you forever! OK, fairy bachelors, here's a question!
- Cosmo: Eh, would you ever a) yell at me on our Styrofoam anniversary or b) throw an angry cat on me? No or no?
- Wanda: Styrofoam? But it was the false anger anniversary!
(Cupid fires an arrow into Wanda's mouth to silence her)
- Cosmo: Wait, wait, it was the false anger anniversary?
- Cupid: Who cares! Ask another question!
- Cosmo: Yeah! Fairy bachelors, would you turn me into a literal example of a mama's boy? Y'know, with a diaper, a pacifier and everything?
- Wanda: Well maybe that was a little harsh... but it was funny!
- Cosmo: Yeah, it was kinda funny... but harsh!
(Wanda giggles until Cupid fires another arrow into her mouth. Mama Cosma pushes a button for a bell to ring)
- Cupid: Ah, I'm sorry you're all out of time. We'll be back for the final question after this commercial break! (Cupid dances until the bell rings for a break)
- Mama Cosma: It's not working, he's falling in love with her again!
- Cupid: Well where's the dough? Y'know as the god of love, I love cash.
- Mama Cosma: (poofs a sack of money into his hands) And I love the idea of Cosmo not being able to love Wanda.
- Timmy: At this rate I'm never gonna get home. I'll just make them fall in love with each other and sort it out later! (Timmy fires a love arrow towards Cosmo)
- Cosmo: Ooh, I spy a nickel!
(Cosmo bends down to pick up the nickel and the love arrow misses him, bouncing off the back of his chair and hitting Cupid instead)
- Cupid: Y'know Mama Cosma, there is something I love more than money... you! (eyes turn to hearts as he chases Mama Cosma away)
- Timmy: Now all I gotta do is give Wanda a chance to win Cosmo back and I can get them to get me home!
- Commentator: And now here's Cupid!
(Timmy enters the set held up by a piece of rope, dressed in Cupid's gear)
- Cosmo: Hi Timmy!
- Timmy: No, I'm Cupid!
- Cosmo: OK, then I wanna be the Easter Bunny. I love eggs! (poofs into the Easter Bunny)
- Timmy: Focus!
(Cosmo poofs back into his fairy form)
- Timmy: OK Cosmo, your last question and then you get to choose your fairy bachelor! (hands Cosmo the cue card)
- Cosmo: If I thought you were mad at me and you really weren't and I went home to my mother's and we both ended up on a game show, what would you say?
- Star: Huh... red?
- Twinkle: Red!
- Wanda: I would say I was sorry, and I would say I'm proud to be your wife. Wanda, who is your wife.
- Cosmo: (excitedly) Ooh! Ooh, her! I pick her! Whoever she is! I hope it's Wanda!
(the screen between Cosmo and the girls is lifted, revealing Star and Twinkle posing for him)
- Cosmo: Goodbye ladies. (pulls them away to see Wanda) Wanda!
(Cosmo and Wanda hug while hearts float around them)
- Wanda: I'm sorry I yelled at you, pudding. I promise I won't do it until you really mess up again.
- Cosmo: Like I will tomorrow?
- Wanda: It's a date!
(Cosmo and Wanda hug again, tears in their eyes as the audience cheers)
- Mama Cosma: No! I forbid this!
- Cosmo: What is the big deal, Mama? Why do you hate Wanda so much?
- Mama Cosma: It's not Wanda, I dislike anybody who took my Cosmo-lolo away. That's why I want him to marry Star or Twinkle, they're robots. (she rips off Star and Twinkle's skin to reveal their robot face underneath)
- Star and Twinkle: (robotic-ally) We love you Cosmo, we love you Cosmo!
- Mama Cosma: They'd do anything I told them to because that's how they're programmed, (points at Wanda angrily) unlike you, you bossy, pink-haired, overly-controlling...
- Cosmo: (butts in) Hey, let's get something straight. I'm not bright, big words confuse me, I have the attention span of a rodent, and Wanda loves me anyway! (he turns to her, holds her hands and smiles) She makes me happy, and that should be enough for you!
(a sign above the audience says 'go aw' and the audience does so)
- Mama Cosma: (a tear in her eye) I never realized how much you loved her.
- Wanda: So you'll back off?
- Mama Cosma: Oh, heavens no! I'll just have to try harder! I...
- Cupid: Oh Mama Cosma! (Cupid holds a bunch of roses and a heart-shaped box with hearts floating around him and in his eyes)
- Mama Cosma: You haven't heard the last of me, I'll be back! I'll... (chased off by Cupid and her voice becomes softer) Hi.
- Timmy: (looking at his watch) Oh my gosh! It's almost midnight on Earth! Come on, I wish I could go home!
- Wanda: Well, y'know I need a little more magic to get us back, Timmy. (looks over to Cosmo)
- Cosmo: (excitedly) Me! Pick me!
- Wanda: Every-time!
(Cosmo and Wanda poofs them back to Earth while the audience cheers.)
- Timmy: One minute to midnight! Enjoy your anniversary dinner, guys! (Timmy puts a silver platter on the table between his parents) I made it myself!
- Mrs. Turner: (sniffs the mountain of food on the plate) Oh Timmy, this is very sweet but you know I don't really like mushy sugar-coated Crash Nebula's potato chip chocolate casserole.
(Timmy pokes Mrs. Turner with a love arrow)
- Mrs. Turner: Yipe! (hearts float around her) But now I do! (stuffs her face with food)
(Mr. Turner looks disgusted until Timmy pokes him with another love arrow)
- Mr. Turner: And I love your mom!
(Mrs. Turner roars at him off-screen)
- Mr. Turner: (sits back down) But I can wait!
(Timmy walks over to Cosmo and Wanda in their fish forms in a fish bowl nearby, food from the silver platter falling into the water)
- Cosmo: Is this the getting-rained-on-by-mushy-gobs-of-food anniversary?
- Wanda: It is now! Happy anniversary! (She kisses Cosmo as the screen frames into a heart)
- Cosmo: (breaking away from the kiss) It's our anniversary?