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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Anti-Poof" from Season 7, which aired on July 10, 2009.
Transcript[]
Act 1[]
- [Fade in on a TV screen, which shows a graphic reading "FNN Breaking News"]
- Fairy Hart: I'm Fairy Hart for the Fairy Channel, coming to you live with this breaking news! The citizens of Fairy World are waiting in breathless anticipation... [fairies hold their breath] as they're about to get the answer to the question that's on everyone's mind... What did Baby Poof buy at the mall? [the mall's doors open, revealing Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof. A crowd cheers, news helicopters come down, and "poof-a-razzi" photograph Timmy and company]
- Wanda: Oh, for crying out loud! We just came to buy diapers! For Cosmo!
- Cosmo: I was out!
- Timmy: Wow, I keep forgetting what a big celebrity Poof is.
- Wanda: Well, he is the only fairy baby in existence! [Poof blushes]
- Poof-a-razzi: Aww!
- Cosmo: Being a celebrity is great! You get to be famous without having any skill or talent whatsoever. [poof-a-razzi photograph Poof up close while clamoring "Hey, Poof!" and the like. Poof whimpers]
- Wanda: You might wanna back off, people! When Poof cries, bad things happen.
- Poof-a-razzi #1: How could this adorable baby possibly make a bad thing happen? [photographs him. Poof blinks and starts crying, making a giant camera appear and blow the poof-a-razzi away with its flash. He stops crying and giggles]
- Fairy Hart: Timmy, Wanda, and Poof...
- Cosmo: What about me?
- Fairy Hart: Oh, and you too, Carl. It's great to have you visiting again. And we want to welcome you back anytime... as long as you bring Poof, because without him, you wouldn't be news, and without news, I'd have to get a real job. For the Fairy Channel, I'm Fairy Hart wishing you all a fairy good night.
- Cosmo: My name's not Carl. [Anti-Cosmo destroys the TV screen with his wand]
- Anti-Cosmo: Fairies! They get all the press! Why?! Anti-fairies have accomplished so much! Spiders, paper cuts, pink eye, crazy cow disease! [a cow moos offscreen] That was all us! [Anti-Wanda makes a sandwich from throw pillows and spray cheese and eats it. Her belly protrudes in a rectangular shape] Good day, my evil little crumpet. [she burps] If I were you, I'd slow down a bit on those throw pillow sandwiches. That's your third one this morning!
- Anti-Wanda: I can't help myself! I got cravin's! [eats a doorknob]
- Anti-Cosmo: As do I. I crave equality! [poofs up a chart] According to this chart, there's supposed to be an anti-fairy for every fairy... I'm Anti-Cosmo. You're Anti-Wanda. There's even an Anti-Jorgen! [the Anti-Jorgen on the chart laughs]
- Anti-Jorgen: I made macaroni vind chimes! Hee-hee! [screams. Anti-Wanda eats the wind chimes]
- Anti-Cosmo: Why, then, is there no Anti-Poof? [Anti-Wanda's belly violently moves around. She bounces on the floor and lands on Anti-Cosmo] Wait a minute! Hold the phone!
- Anti-Wanda: I can't! I ate it!
- Anti-Cosmo: Twitching stomach... snacking on houseware... [Anti-Wanda vomits butterflies in his face] anti-barf? [a lightbulb appears over his head] This can only mean one thing! [takes the bulb before Anti-Wanda can eat it] There is going to be an Anti-Poof. You're going to have an anti-baby! [Anti-Wanda's stomach starts inflating like a balloon]
- Anti-Wanda: I'm so happy, ah could 'splode! [an explosion shoots out of Anti-Cosmo's castle. In Fairy World, fairies fly away screaming from the smoke]
- Timmy: Uh, guys? Why is there a big scary cloud coming toward us?
- Wanda: This is bad, sport... [her hair hinges backward, knocking Cosmo away, and a radar dish comes out of her head] My motherly instincts tell me there's been a terrible disturbance in the Fairy Force!
- Cosmo: My motherly instincts tell me that we're gonna need more diapers. Three... two... one... [looking inside his diaper] Yep! We need more diapers! [Timmy and company scream as the smoke reaches them]
- Anti-Cosmo: [coughs] Well? Well? Where is it? Where is my anti-baby?!
- Anti-Wanda: He's right over there! The little darlin'! [the anti-Poof plays the Toccata and Fugue in D minor on an organ and reveals himself. He resembles a cube-shaped Poof with facial hair. Lightning strikes]
- Baby: Hello, Clarice! I mean "Mother".
- Anti-Wanda: Ooh... He said his first words! [hugging him] Our baby!
- Baby: [sighs] I'm bored of you already.
- Anti-Wanda: Ow! He's pointy! I'm gonna call him Gator!
- Baby: I prefer "the Dark Harbinger of the Doom Time"! Of course, that name will never fit on a birthday cake.
- Anti-Cosmo: No, silly! You're the opposite of Baby Poof, and therefore your name must be... [plays the organ] Foop! [faces the others] Hmm. That sounded much more evil in my head.
- Foop: Wait a moment! Who is this Poof you speak of? Am I not the only fairy baby in existence?!
- Anti-Wanda: Well, you're the only square one!
- Foop: So! There is another! [a baby bottle with bat wings appears in his hand, and he drinks from it and burps] It's storytime, father! Tell me more of my new arch enemy... I mean... this other fairy baby.
- Anti-Cosmo: Poof is a very cute and powerful fairy baby beloved throughout the universe!
- Foop: And as his opposite, I will be feared and despised! And I will not share the spotlight with another fairy baby! [uses the bottle to shoot a hole in Poof's image on the chart] There can be only one!
- Anti-Wanda: Oh, look! His first act of unbridled rage! Where's the camry?
- Anti-Cosmo: [sighs] You ate that too, you ninny!
- Foop: Father, where is Poof now?
- Anti-Cosmo: He's in Fairy World.
- Foop: Then that's where I shall go! [poofs up a small spacecraft shaped like a TIE fighter] Clear for takeoff! Time for a play-date! Of doom!
- Anti-Cosmo: There will be no such thing, mister! In time, we will bring Fairy World to its knees and rule the universe... but we will do it together as a family!
- Foop: I will do it alone, Father. You see, I don't play well with others. [uses the bottle to burn Anti-Cosmo to a crisp]
- Anti-Cosmo: Well, Mister Grumpy Pants. Looks like somebody needs a nap.
- Foop: Hear this and hear it good, Father. I am the boss of me! And I do not... [yawns] nap!
- Anti-Wanda: Ooh, his first step towards independence! I love him so much!
- Foop: Set coordinates for Fairy World. Mother, I would like to fill up for the trip. Where is the nearest magical power source? [Anti-Wanda inhales]
- Anti-Cosmo: Up-bup-bup. Don't you dare tell hi— [Foop burns him again]
- Anti-Wanda: [pointing outside] Use that big wand, sweetie! It contains all the power in Anti-Fairy World!
- Foop: Thank you, Mother! Your single digit IQ has been a blessing to my cause. [flies the ship to the big wand and absorbs its magic into the bottle] Have a happy day, Anti-Fairy World. [spraying down magic with the bottle] Too happy! [laughs evilly and hiccups] Oh, I've just given myself the hiccups. [hiccups and continues spraying. Anti-Fairy World becomes sunny and colorful, and the other anti-fairies turn into Care Bear–like creatures and scream. Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda are affected]
- Anti-Cosmo: Oooh... that little brat! He's destroyed Anti-Fairy World and turned us into Care Fairies!
- Anti-Wanda: Ah, he's so young and already so successful!
- Foop: Hello, world. [sprays magic down] There's a new sheriff in town... and his name—unfortunately—is Foop! [his name echoes. Cut to a TV screen]
- Fairy Hart: We still have no explanation of the strange event that has just taken place! But Jorgen Von Strangle has arrived on the scene, and his huge fake smile suggests he knows something!
- Jorgen: What? Heh. I know nothing! I have no news whatsoever! [quietly, to Timmy and company] I have terrible news! Keep this quiet, but according to this news update I received on my FairyBerry wireless phone, an evil anti-baby has been born... and he is on his way here at this very moment to destroy Poof!
- Cosmo: [screams] What's that you say?! An evil anti-fairy baby is on his way to destroy Poof? [sees Fairy Hart beside him with a microphone]
- Fairy Hart: Thank for the scoop, Ken.
- Cosmo: My name's Carl!
- Fairy Hart: You heard it here first, folks! An evil anti-baby is coming to destroy Poof! As a responsible member of the media, I recommend mass panic! [fairies start screaming]
- Jorgen: You must leave at once with Poof! You must prepare him for a fight!
- Poof-a-razzi: Baby fight! Baby fight!
- Wanda: This is ridiculous! Poof is too young to fight!
- Timmy: Relax, Wanda! How tough can this anti-baby be? He's a newborn! [Foop flies out of an explosion and blows up the base of the Fairy World sign] A newborn with a supersonic baby bouncer fitted with a death ray! [the sign lands behind him and company]
- Jorgen: Go! My fake smile and I will buy you some time!
- Wanda: Fine! But just so you know, we're taking Poof to Earth, not teaching him to fight!
- Jorgen: There will be no safety. Now go! [Wanda poofs Timmy, Cosmo, Poof, and herself away]
- Foop: [drops down in front of Jorgen] Attention, Fairy World: Reveal to me the location of the one you call Baby Poof! Do so at once or I'll give you all terrible ouchies! Wait... That's not ominous enough...
- Jorgen: Listen up, evil baby! We will never tell you where Poof is! Never!
- Fairy Hart: Fairy Hart reporting live where Jorgen has just refused to tell the evil anti-baby that Poof has fled to Earth with Timmy, Wanda, and Kevin!
- Jorgen: You see, this is why I hate the media.
- Cosmo: [watching via the Turners' living room TV] Who's Kevin?
- Foop: Then I am off to Earth! But before I go... [flying toward the Big Wand] take this, Fairy World! [Jorgen fires his wand at him, and he fires back, meeting Jorgen's beam and causing an explosion. Jorgen's scorched wand falls on the ground. A scorched Jorgen falls over]
- Jorgen: I feel weak and sad... like there is a dark cloud hovering over my head. [such a cloud appears and shoots lightning. Clouds appear over fairies and rain on them, and they sigh]
- Foop: Fairy World! [spreading lightning] Feel my diaper wrath! [the lightning energizes the fairies' clouds, which electrocute them. He laughs evilly and starts sucking the magic and color out of Fairy World]
- Jorgen: [screams] My beautiful tan!
- Foop: Ha! I have drained two magical worlds! And all before naptime... which will never... [yawns] come! But I'm coming! And I'm coming for you, Poof! And your father, Keith, too! [laughs evilly]
- Cosmo: [to Wanda] Joke's on him! My name's Carl! [beat] Isn't it? [fade to black]
Act 2[]
- [Fade in on a chirping bird outside a window in Timmy's room. Timmy boards up the window]
- Wanda: I can't believe that little monster Foop is coming for our baby!
- Cosmo: And Poof is terrified, too! [as Poof welds a baby walker] He only welds when he's nervous! If only Cosmo were here! He'd know what to do!
- Wanda: You're Cosmo!
- Cosmo: Oh, really? Then why don't I know what to do?
- Timmy: Stay calm, guys... and help me get this place Foop-proof! [bars the door with a chair] Face it, Wanda... we have to get Poof ready for a fight.
- Wanda: But how? Since Foop drained all the Fairy World magic, we only have the reserve power in our wands!
- Cosmo: A fight? I'll be his trainer! But first I want a hoagie. That won't use much magic at all! [poofs one up; using his wand to make the following happen] Only bigger! With more bologna! On pumpernickel! With extra cheese. No, a corndog! Just a salad! Back to the hoagie! [starts eating the sandwich] Perfect! [his wand goes limp] Um... I'm outta magic, Wanda. I'm gonna need to borrow your wand for the hoagie sauce.
- Wanda: Shh! Poof is napping.
- Timmy: Good. [turning on a baby mobile] He's gonna need all the rest he can get. [cut to Foop flying while shaving himself. His craft is playing heavy metal music]
- Foop: Ominous theme music... freshly groomed baby facial hair... the ruins of two magical worlds in my wake... three if you include Burger World... [in a flashback, he drinks from a cup as Burger World, a restaurant floating in space, explodes behind him] That'll teach 'em to put Baby Poof toys in their Peppy Meals. [destroys a Poof doll with the bottle. Cut to a TV screen]
- Fairy Hart: [on Earth] Things are looking grim as Foop, the bad boy of the bassinet set, rockets ever closer, [the screen switches to showing Poof] and Poof, our only hope, continues to nap. [Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda are watching this on his TV]
- Timmy: How'd they get that footage? [he and the godparents see Fairy Hart and a cameraman looking in through a window, which he then boards up] We're gonna need all the magic we can get. We have to wake up Poof!
- Wanda: We're not wakin' the baby up as long as we still have the power in my wand! [sees she does not have it] Oh, no! It's gone! [cut to a railroad in the backyard. Cosmo conducts a train up to Timmy and Wanda] What are you doing?
- Cosmo: I got nervous thinking about the evil baby, so to relax myself, I used your wand to poof up this hoagie-powered happy train! All aboard for Happy Town! [blows the train's whistle. The train moves, then stops] Oops... Your wand is outta power. And Happy Town is still soooo far away! Only Poof's rattle can get us to Happy Town now!
- Wanda: You're not touching Poof's rattle! It's the only magic we have left!
- Timmy: Well, the good news: We still have some time. [Foop arrives in Dimmsdale] The bad news: I was wrong... we have no time!
- Foop: Greetings, pathetic non-magical people of Earth... For giving safe harbor to my nemesis, I shall reward you with a plague of the most evil curses ever created by anti-fairies: paper cuts, pink eye, spiders, and crazy cow disease. [laughs evilly and hiccups] Oh, hiccups again. [uses the bottle to create the plague. Lightning strikes, and people scream]
- Mrs. Turner: [in the living room] What's all the ruckus? Either the world is ending, [looking outside] or the Dinklebergs are having another yard sale.
- Mr. Crocker: [running away from a cow on a pogo stick] Why are cows always chasing me?!
- Mrs. Turner: [looking at Fairy Hart and the cameraman] Ladybugs with cameras? Cows on pogo sticks? Honey! The Dinklebergs are having a yard sale!
- Mr. Turner: Who cares? I've got pink eye. Itchy, itchy pink eye!
- Mrs. Turner: Pink eye? Well, scratch it!
- Mr. Turner: I can't: I've got paper cuts. Ouchy, ouchy paper cuts! [big venomous spiders show up, two of which land on the two's heads. Mr. and Mrs. Turner scream and run around. Outside, Foop looks into Timmy's room with View-Master–like glasses]
- Foop: And now, Baby Poof, it's time for me to rock your cradle! [cut to Poof's cradle being rocked by Wanda]
- Wanda: Poof! For crying out loud! Wake up! Foop is almost here!
- Cosmo: And your selfish hoagie-hating mother used up all the magic!
- Timmy: [finishes boarding up a window] There, that oughta keep Foop out! [the ceiling is torn off, revealing Foop. Lightning strikes. Foop poofs up a giant spider cow that moos and sticks webs to Timmy and Cosmo] I'm never drinking milk again! [he and Cosmo are pulled away]
- Wanda: [to Foop] Hold it right there, young man! You're not laying a finger on my baby. Not until you deal with Big Momma Wanda! [doing the following] Crane stance!
- Foop: And... [zaps her away] we're done. And now, my goody two-shoes counterpart with the much more masculine name, I shall finally destroy you. I've waited my whole life for this moment. All 6 hours and 45 minutes of it! [removes Poof's blanket] What? [in Poof's place, there is a soccer ball with a picture of his face taped to it]
- Poof: [offscreen] Ahem! [Foop sees Poof behind him] Poof! Poof! [he zaps Foop with his rattle knocking him through a wall]
- Foop: You're cleverer, rounder, and much better rested than I, but you're still no match for me! [fires at him]
- Poof: Poof! Poof! [he dodges the shot, then goes behind Foop and pulls his diaper over his eyes]
- Foop: A wedgie?! Round one to you, round one!
- Poof: [gets in his baby walker] Poof! Poof! [presses a button that turns the walker into a little X-Wing–shaped spacecraft and takes off. Foop removes the diaper from his face and is hit by the X-Wing from behind]
- Foop: Come back and fight! Don't be such a... [yawns] baby! [gets in his ship and flies after Poof]
- Wanda: Normally I don't encourage violence, but... kick his little square butt, sweetie!
- Foop: [firing lasers at Poof] You want to play? How about a little romp in the ball pit? Of doom! [poofs up a ball pit]
- Poof: [flies into the ball pit] Poof poof? [Foop laughs evilly. Poof picks up one of the balls, which are bombs with lit fuses] Uh-oh. [flies away. The balls explode. Poof flies up and lands on a teeter-totter that has appeared below him]
- Foop: And now, welcome to the teeter-totter... of terror!
- Poof: [going up and down on the teeter-totter] Poof poof! Poof poof!
- Foop: Hmm... It's more like the teeter-totter of tedium. Duly noted. Moving on... [knocks Poof up] to my merry-go-round... [poofs up a merry-go-round with seats resembling threatening animals] of mayhem! [Poof lands on a seat, then Foop gets on one] Ha! Smell the mayhem? Chasing you around and 'round in a circular motion is so... soothing. Putting me to... sleep. [closes his eyes]
- Poof: Ah ha! [gets in the X-Wing and takes off]
- Foop: Wait! You haven't played in my sandbox of sorrow! There's a shovel of sadness and a pail of pain! [gets in his ship and flies after Poof] Sooo sleepy... [rests his head. Poof flies ahead of him, and he gets up] Perhaps some evil theme music will invigorate me. [turns on theme music and laughs. Poof changes the music to a lullaby] Oh? Aaah! Nappy time tunes?! Not invigorating at all! [Wanda watches the babies. The spider cow comes up to her with Cosmo and Timmy]
- Timmy: Where's Poof?
- Wanda: Up there with Foop! [Poof and Foop fly by]
- Cosmo: He's running away! I taught him everything he knows!
- Poof: Poof poof! [poofs up a baby mobile with unicorns and ducks by Foop]
- Foop: A sleepy time mobile? That's the best you can... [briefly sleeps] Curse you, unicorns! Darn you, duckies! I... will... not... nap...
- Timmy: Poof's not running away. He's tiring Foop out so he'll fall asleep. Guys, we gotta help him!
- Cosmo: Wanda can put anyone to sleep! Wanda, quick! Start talking. Tell us about your day!
- Wanda: Well, I woke up this morning... [Cosmo falls asleep. Timmy tears the web stuck to him]
- Fairy Hart: [being filmed by the cameraman] Fairy Hart here with breaking news. I have pink eye! [Timmy lands on her and takes her microphone]
- Timmy: Attention, fairies, anti-fairies, and Burger World employees! Poof needs your help! Come to Dimmsdale right away! [fairies, anti-fairies, and a teenager holding a hamburger appear]
- Jorgen: Turner, we are depressed... yet we heard your plea and are here to spank some baby butt! What do you want us to do? Pummel? Annihilate? Obliterate?
- Timmy: Nope... I want you to sing.
- Jorgen: Say what now?
- Timmy: Poof's putting Foop to sleep! If we all sing a lullaby, we can finish the job! [Foop shoots the X-Wing, making it spiral out of control, then laughs evilly and jumps onto it] On the count of three, start singing a lullaby! One! Two! Three!
- Everyone: ♪ Go to sleep ♪
- ♪ Go to sleep ♪
- ♪ Close your big blood-shot eyes ♪
- Foop: [pointing his bottle at Poof] The universe isn't big enough for both of us. There can be only one! Say night night, Poof.
- Poof: [hears the singing] Night night. [Foop falls asleep and falls off. Poof jumps out of the X-Wing. Anti-Wanda catches Foop. His bottle falls into his mouth and he starts drinking from it. Poof lands in Wanda's arms and the X-Wing crashes]
- Timmy: We did it! He's asleep!
- Anti-Wanda: I know he tried to destroy ya'll, but you gotta admit he's so gosh darn cute when he's a-sleepin'. Gahuk!
- Wanda: Poof! You're safe!
- Poof: Poof! Poof!
- Jorgen: Foop is out cold. He drained all our magic. How can we erase all the damage he has done?
- Timmy: Foop's the opposite of Poof, right? So if he cries, maybe good things'll happen. [Poof takes the bottle]
- Foop: You took my ba-ba? I was having a sweet dream about intestinal parasites! And you woke me up! [starts crying. The anti-fairies turn back to normal and cheer. Anti-Fairy World turns back to normal. The fairies turn back to normal and cheer]
- Jorgen: The most glorious thing has happened!
- Timmy: The world was saved?
- Jorgen: No... My tan is back! [Fairy World and Dimmsdale turn back to normal]
- Cosmo: [wakes up] What? I was having a weird dream about intestinal parasites. What did I miss?
- Wanda: My son just defeated Foop and saved us all! [Poof blushes]
- Cosmo: He's my son! Me! Calvin Coolidge!
- Jorgen: This is all well and good, but what the heck are we going to do with that little monster now?
- Timmy: I think I have an idea. [fade to later]
- Fairy Hart: This is Fairy Hart reporting I no longer have pink eye! In other news, the infamous Baby Foop has been sent to Abracatraz Prison and placed in the safety of a maximum security time-out. [Anti-Cosmo gives Foop a cake with a file in it]
- Foop: [takes the file] These bars won't hold me forever, Clarice. I mean... Fairy Hart. Beware, Baby Poof. I'll be back for you... someday soon. So speaks—oh, how I hate this name—Fooooop! [the front doors of Abracatraz close]
- Poof: Poof poof! [giggles and holds up the bottle. Iris out]
- Crocker: [chasing the cow with its pogo stick] Who's the boss now, bossy? [the cow moos as the end title card is shown. Fade to black]
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OY!C ★ 1 ★ 2 ★ 3 ★ 4 ★ 5 ★ 6 ★ 7 ★ 8 ★ 9 ★ 10 | ||
#01 Anti-Poof | #02 Add-a-Dad | #03 Squirrely Puffs |
#04 Mice Capades | #05 Formula For Disaster | #06 Bad Heir Day |
#07 Freaks & Greeks | #08 Fly Boy | #09 Temporary Fairy |
#10 Crocker Shocker | #11 Super Zero | #12 Dadbra-Cadabra |
#13 Timmy Turnip | #14 One Man Banned | #15 Frenemy Mine |
#16 Chicken Poofs | #17 Stupid Cupid | #18 Double-Oh Schnozmo! |
#19 Planet Poof | #20 The Boss Of Me | #21 He Poofs He Scores |
#22 Playdate of Doom | #23 Teacher's Pet | #24 Manic Mom-Day |
#25 Crocker of Gold | #26 Beach Blanket Bozos | #27 Poltergeeks |
#28 Old Man and the C- | #29 Balance of Flour | #30 Food Fight |
#31 Please Don't Feed The Turners | #32 Take and Fake | #33 Cosmo Rules |
#34 Lights Out | #35 Dad Overboard | #36 Farm Pit |
#37 Crock Talk | #38 Spellementary School | #39 Operation Dinkleberg |