Cosmo: Yeah, they sell the best skirts out here! Can we go to the outboxershorts of town next? 'Cause I'm totally flyin' al fresco under my skirt. [keeps the front of his skirt down]
Timmy: I meant the outskirts are great 'cause no one's here. I can wish up anything I want. Like a dinosaur playing the accordion!
Timmy: Why do I do anything, Wanda? To avoid doing my homework! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Cut to the Dimmsdale Zoo]
Chet Ubetcha: [to a camera] This is watchdog reporter Chet Ubetcha wearing a poodle skirt I bought on the outskirts of town. My tireless investigative reporting has uncovered news that could prevent a future disaster at the Dimmsdale Zoo. [sees the dinosaur] Hold that thought. I've just spotted an accordion-playing dinosaur headed for Dimmsdale! Which is weird because I thought accordions were extinct.
Timmy: Oh, no! Chet saw the dinosaur! Poof it away! [Cosmo and Wanda do so]
Cosmo: Timmy, the breeze tickles my cha-chas! [holds up maracas, then shakes them and giggles]
Chet: And now, brace yourself for exclusive footage of a T-rex playing a musical instrument that will never get him a girlfriend! [the camera turns to where the dinosaur was] This is Chet Ubetcha saying, I swear there was a dinosaur here. Now I feel like a fool... and not just because my bobby socks don't match my poodle skirt.
Timmy: Phew! That coulda been bad.
Cosmo: You're tellin' me! If that dinosaur wanted a girlfriend, he shoulda been playing the cha-chas. [shakes the maracas]
Wanda: Timmy, making wishes out here in the open is risky. If Chet had caught you, we would've been all over the news.
Timmy: You're right, Wanda. Let's just come back tomorrow when he's gone.
Cosmo: That's good thinkin', Timmy. The last thing you wanna do is draw unnecessary attention to yourself. Ooh! [bending over ahead of Timmy, Wanda, and Poof] A penny! [the others scream]
[Fade to later]
Timmy: Well, we're back on the outskirts of town, and the coast is clear. Guys, poof me up a volcano that erupts jelly beans!
Cosmo: Really? You're goin' with that? Ever think of wishing for a hat in a boy color that fits your head?
Wanda: Said my husband wearing a hoop skirt.
Cosmo: What? It complements my cha-chas. [shakes the maracas]
Timmy: Just grant my wish, guys. [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish]
[Wipe to Chet]
Chet: This is watchdog reporter Chet Ubetcha back on the outskirts of town with breaking news that could prevent these badly built buildings from breaking! Wait a minute! A volcano erupting jelly beans has magically appeared! This is a disaster of epic proportions! I'm gonna have my cameraman spin slowly and dramatically towards it!
Timmy: [sees Chet] Oh, no! Not Chet Ubetcha again! Poof away the volcano! [Cosmo and Wanda do so]
Chet: Dimmsdale, prepare to be amazed by this footage of a magical candy volcano! [the cameraman points the camera where the volcano was, then turns back toward Chet] Oh, dear. There's nothing there again. This is Chet Ubetcha saying, I'm losing my mind!
[Fade to later. Timmy and Poof fly through the sky using Cosmo and Wanda as spaceships. Timmy fires lasers at Poof]
Wanda: I'm not sure this alien invasion wish was such a good idea.
Timmy: Aw, relax, Wanda. There's no way Chet Ubetcha would be on the outskirts of town three days in a row.
[Cut to Chet]
Chet: This is watchdog reporter Chet Ubetcha on the outskirts of town for my third day in a row. I'm here at the Outskirt Steakhouse, where patrons are mysteriously falling asleep. [a drive-through customer is served a steak and takes a bite out of it, then falls asleep] In unrelated and possibly imaginary news, a beaver boy has just been spotted chasing an alien spaceship. Did anyone else see that, or have I completely lost it?!
Chet: Thank you, talking dog. Talking dog?! Quick! Get a shot of it! Turn around! [the cameraman does so] Hurry, man! [Sparky poofs away]
Cameraman: There's no dog, man.
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, it's official. I've gone cuckoo. Up next, an in-depth interview with disgraced retired reporter Chet Ubetcha, who will now live in shame in the woods. [tosses his microphone offscreen and leaves]
Cosmo: [offscreen] Gah! It hit me right in the cha-chas!
Mr. Turner: Good news, Timmy. Chet Ubetcha went bonkers!
Timmy: How is that good news?
Mr. Turner: It's good news for me! I'm the new newsman! Look! They even gave me Chet Ubetcha's old newsman clothes! They said I'd have big shoes to fill replacing Chet Ubetcha, but they lied. He's a women's size four! I'm gonna break in these shoes by walking down these super steep basement stairs. [trips down the stairs and shouts; offscreen] Bucket of nails! [crashes and shouts] This just in, I did not see that coming!
[Cut to Timmy's room]
Timmy: [to the fairies] Wow. My dad sure seems excited about being Dimmsdale's new reporter. And who knows? He could turn out to be a great newsman. [turns on the TV]
Mr. Turner: [on TV] This is ace reporter Timmy's dad standing in front of these crumbling buildings with breaking news—my feet hurt because my shoes are a women's size four! This just in... my lunch! [taking a lunch bag] Thanks, cameraman whose name I'm too important to learn! Hi, Timmy! I'm eating lunch on TV! [buildings collapse on him. The scene changes to outside the steakhouse. A drive-through customer is served steak and takes a bite out of it, then falls asleep and crashes into a pile-up with other sleeping drivers] This is Timmy's dad at the Outskirt Steakhouse saying, what am I doing here, cameraman? I already ate lunch on TV! [cut to the zoo. A monkey picks the lock on a lion's cage, and the lion gets out] This is Timmy's dad in the middle of Africa!
Cameraman: You're at the zoo, dude!
Mr. Turner: Hi, Timmy! I'm in Africa!
[Cut to Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, and Sparky appearing on the outskirts]
Timmy: This is great! With Chet gone and my dad as the town newsman, I can go back to making wishes on the outskirts of town. [notices the pile-up and escaped animals] The whole town's gone loco! [buildings collapse]
Cosmo: Yeah, loco like a fox. [a fox is biting down on his arm] I probably shouldn't have filled my cha-chas with meat.
Timmy: Well, on the upside, none of this is my fault for a change.
Wanda: Actually, sport, it is. [the fox attacks Cosmo behind her] I did some research, and it looks like it was Chet Ubetcha's watchdog reporting that kept the city together. He was on the outskirts of town because he was about to break stories that would prevent all this mayhem from happening.
Timmy: And since I drove him into the woods, it is my fault. [the fox bites down on Cosmo's other arm, and Cosmo falls on the ground]
Cosmo: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
Timmy: Yeah, I know. I messed up.
Cosmo: No, I always say "Timmy, Timmy, Timmy" before I black out from a fox attack. [faints. A bear chases a car into a weak building]
Timmy: Oh, no! The city's falling apart! We gotta find Chet and get him back on the news!
Cosmo: Well, good luck with that, little missy.
Timmy: [annoyedly] Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cosmo.
Cosmo: No, I always say "good luck with that, little missy" when I regain consciousness before blacking out a second time from a fox attack. [faints]
[Fade to Sparky sniffing the ground as he walks toward a cabin. The fairies, in human form, and Timmy are following him]
Timmy: Good job tracking Chet down, Sparky. How'd you know he was in this cabin? Did you use your canine senses to track down his scent?
Sparky: No. I just followed these woman's size-four footprints... and this trail of tears.
Timmy: [knocks on the cabin door] Mr. Ubetcha, are you in there?
Chet: [offscreen] This is Chet Ubetcha saying, no one lives here! Go away!
Timmy: Chet, please! You gotta go back to work! Dimmsdale needs your watchdog reporting before the city falls apart! [the door opens, revealing Chet. He has a fully grown beard and is wearing a TV-shaped cardboard box on his head]
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, I've moved on to a fulfilling new life as a sad, crazy loser in the woods. [crying] I'm so unhappy!
Timmy: Mr. Ubetcha, you're not crazy. All the things you reported on were real! My friends and I saw them too! We even have pictures! Right, non-magical human friends?
Wanda: [nervously] Right. [poofs up photos with her wand behind her back and gives them to Chet]
Chet: Look at that! It's the dinosaur playing the accordion, the jelly bean volcano, and the beaver boy chasing the alien spaceship! So I'm not crazy!
Cosmo: [sarcastically] Right. 'Cause wearing a TV on your head is totally normal.
Wanda: Says my husband in the hoop skirt with the meat-filled cha-chas.
Timmy: Whaddaya say, Chet? Let's go report the news.
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, I'm back at 6 and 11, sports and weather on the 10s! [strips] Oops! I forgot that Timmy's dad has my clothes! This just in, cover your eyes until I put on my poodle skirt and bobby socks.
[Fade to a TV screen]
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha reporting that buildings have been crumbling because contractors have been cutting costs by replacing steel girders with Fudgy Bar sticks.
[Cut to construction workers eating Fudgy Bars]
Construction Guy: Oh! These Fudgy Bars might not hold up buildings, but they sure taste good! [police cars pull up, and the construction workers are led into a police van]
Mr. Turner: [licks fudge on a girder] Hi, Timmy! I'm licking fudge off a girder! [continues doing so]
[The scene on TV cuts to the steakhouse]
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha reporting that the Outskirt Steakhouse has secretly replaced their steak with less-expensive turkey, causing diners to fall asleep. [a police officer handcuffs a chef]
Mr. Turner: Hi, Timmy! I just ate a big steak dinner! [falls asleep]
[The screen cuts to the zoo]
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, monkeys have been helping dangerous animals escape from the zoo. It appears they've been secretly taking online classes to learn how to pick locks and pick pockets.
Mr. Turner: Wow, [bending to look at his shoes] these shoes are really pointy! [a monkey takes his wallet and is handcuffed and dragged away by a police officer] Hi, Timmy! Tell your mom to cancel my credit cards!
Timmy: Nice job, Mr. Ubetcha. It's good to have you back.
Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, it's good to be back... at 6 and 11.
Mayor: I would like to present Chet Ubetcha with the Newsman of the Year award for his watchdog reporting that saved Dimmsdale.
Chet: Thank you, Mayor, but I couldn't have done it without the help of a boy named Timmy Turner.
Timmy: Thanks, Mr. Ubetcha! [the Mayor hangs a medal around Chet's neck, and a crowd cheers]
Mr. Turner: Wait! Don't I get an award for my reporting?
Mayor: You sure do, Timmy's dad. You get the Edward R. Blooper award.
Mr. Turner: [holding trophies] Yes! I'll add it to my collection of awards! And this'll be the first one without Dinkleberg's name on it! I got a monkey to steal these for me! [runs for the new award] Look, Timmy! [takes the award] You can tell this award is prestigious 'cause it's shaped like a donkey's behind! [walks forward. One of his woman's shoes comes off and he stumbles and falls, making the other shoe come off; offscreen] Whoops! I landed on my cha-chas! [the other shoe lands on him] Ow!
Cosmo: [as a bird] Wow, those shoes really are pointy. [the fox growls at him] Ah! The fox is back! [flies away from the fox, which bites him offscreen] Not the cha-chas!
[Iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
