Sparky: This is awesome, Timmy! I've always wanted to go to a demolition derby! [he and Timmy walk forward but the ticket taker stops them]
Ticket Taker: Sorry, but no dogs allowed. Doug Dimmadome's rules. He hates everything on four legs. Including dining room tables.
Doug Dimmadome: That's why I eat standin' up. You go on home now, dog. Let that ostrich in. It's only got two legs. [an ostrich goes into the Dimmadome. Timmy and Sparky look at each other]
[Fade to outside a movie theater]
Timmy: [to the man in the ticket booth] Two tickets to The Wizard of Paws, please.
Dimmadome: Sorry, but no dogs allowed. You can go right on through, Mr. Ostrich. [the ostrich walks past Timmy and Sparky]
Timmy: Aw, don't be bummed, Sparky. Let's go to the dog park. They gotta let you in there.
[Fade to them walking into the dog park]
Dimmadome: Sorry, no dogs allowed at Doug Dimmadome's bark park.
Timmy: That's stupid. Why would you open a dog park and not let dogs in?
Dimmadome: I like to disappoint them. I like to disappoint dinin' room tables too, but they don't have feelings. Hey, lady, get that dining room table outta here! It's scarin' the ostrich! [smiles at the ostrich he is riding]
Timmy: They won't let Sparky in anywhere 'cause he's a dog.
Cosmo: Well, dogs are kinda passé. The hot pets right now are alligator snapping turtles, like Natasha here. I thought it was a different kinda snapping, but it turns out turtles don't have thumbs. And neither do I since I got this thing! [Natasha snaps at Timmy, who screams] Aww, she likes you! Word of advice: Don't give her a thumbs-up.
Timmy: Okay, back to my thing. It'd be great if Sparky could go everywhere humans could. Wait, that's it! I wish Sparky was human! [the wish is granted]
Sparky: [sitting on all fours] Cool!
Timmy: Okay, that's creepy. [making Sparky stand upright] You gotta stand up. [Sparky briefly struggles to balance] Okay, now crouch a little. You're taller than me. [Sparky crouches] This is awesome! Now just remember, you're a human, so act like one.
Sparky: You got it, Timmy. [licks him. Mr. Turner enters the room and the fairies disappear]
Mr. Turner: Honey! You were right about Timmy! He is short for his age. Who's your new friend, Timmy?
Timmy: He's, uh... our new foreign exchange student, Sparky.
Mr. Turner: Ooh, what a coincidence. Timmy has a dog named Sparky. He likes to drink out of the toilet. Do you? [Sparky looks at Timmy]
Timmy: [whispering] Don't answer that.
Mr. Turner: Sparky also likes books on tape, sniffing butts, and chasing his tail. Do you chase your tail?
Timmy: Don't answer that either.
Mr. Turner: Speaking of your dog, Sparky, I have this delicious turkey leg to give him. I tried to give it to an ostrich, but the darn thing ran into a dog park. [Sparky grabs the turkey leg with his teeth, walks away on all fours, and buries the leg outside]
Timmy: Dad, I can explain.
Mr. Turner: No need, Timmy. We mustn't judge our foreign guest's customs no matter how savage and backward they are. Eh, what country is he from, anyway?
Timmy: Uh, Turkey?
Mr. Turner: [laughs] Oh, Timmy! Now you're just making up countries! [leaves]
[Fade to the Dimmadome. Timmy and Sparky are in the stands]
Timmy: This is awesome, Sparky!
Sparky: I'll say. Human food is way better than dog food. Hot melted cheese from a pump? Sold! [eats a nacho]
Timmy: I was talking about taking you to the demolition derby.
Sparky: Yeah! I've always wanted to come here, Timmy. You know, nothin' says "fun" quite like watching grown men ram their race cars into each other. [looks at the derby] Hey, is that your dad?
Mr. Turner: [drives alongside two other drivers] Help! I took a wrong turn on my way to the dry cleaner! [a driver rams into his car and he flies screaming into Timmy's seat] Now I have to go to the dry cleaner and the trauma unit. Ooh! [taking one of Sparky's nachos] Cheese from a pump! I love being human! [faints]
Timmy: Sparky, making you human is the best wish I ever made.
Sparky: You said it, Timmy. I get to go everywhere with you. I never wanna be a dog again.
Mr. Crocker: Well, it looks like we have a new student. Where are you from, young man that's taller than Timmy Turner?
Sparky: Turkey.
Crocker: You get an F for making up countries! [sits on his chair, which collapses] Gah! Why? [his students laugh]
Sparky: I chewed the leg off his chair.
Timmy: Okay, that was pretty funny. But you shouldn't have done that, Sparky. Sparky?
Sparky: [offscreen] Squirrel! [as the class looks out a window and sees him chasing a squirrel] Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark! [the squirrel jumps onto Crocker's face]
Sparky: I guess school's over. [kids cheer and start carrying him away]
Timmy: Sparky, where you going?
Sparky: I have no idea. Hopefully somewhere where they have cheese in a pump. See you later, Timmy. [Timmy looks disappointed]
[Fade to the house at night. Timmy is looking at a photo of himself and Sparky]
Wanda: Wow, sport. Sparky's out pretty late. I guess he really loves being human.
Timmy: Yeah. I'm happy he gets to do stuff he couldn't do before as a dog, but I kinda miss having a pet.
Cosmo: I know what you mean, Timmy. Ever since Natasha, my alligator snapping turtle, left me, I've got this hole in my heart. Also, this hole in my pants.
Wanda: Natasha left you?
Cosmo: Left, chewed through her reinforced steel cage and escaped—same thing.
Timmy: I made this wish so Sparky and I could hang out together more. But now it seems like we're hanging out even less.
Cosmo: So your wish came back to bite you in the butt. Kind of like Natasha did to me after she chewed her way through that cage. [touching a bar on the cage] Those bars were electrified too. [gets shocked]
Wanda: Don't worry, Timmy. Sparky will get over this human thing soon and want to be your pet again.
Cosmo: I sure hope Natasha doesn't wanna be my... [shudders] pet again. [shudders]
Timmy: She really scared ya, huh?
Cosmo: No. I'm shuddering 'cause I'm holding an electrified cage.
[Fade to Timmy writing]
Sparky: Being human is awesome. I can eat chocolate now without getting sick. Wait. I was wrong. I ate too much chocolate! [vomits chocolate on Timmy, then smiles sheepishly]
[Fade to later]
Sparky: I can buy my own cats to chase whenever I want! [opens a crate that cats then jump out of. Timmy screams and the cats shred his paper] I ate too much chocolate again! [vomits on Timmy, then smiles]
[Fade to later]
Sparky: I can fly a plane now, Timmy!
Timmy: You could fly when you were a fairy dog!
Sparky: Yeah, but now I make eighty grand a year! [leaves]
Timmy: Guys, this stinks. I want Sparky and me to hang out like we used to. I wish Sparky was a dog again. [Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands, then a poof cloud labeled "true love block" appears and the wands go limp] The true love block? Who's Sparky in love with?
Wanda: Sparky's in love with being human. And we can't poof him back into a dog unless he wants us to.
Timmy: This is just great. Sparky loves being human. Can this wish get any worse?
Jorgen: Timmy Turner, things just got worse! You are in the doghouse for messing with the human–canine continuum!
Timmy: The whosawhatnow?
Jorgen: It's one of the lesser known continuums. Because you made Sparky human, there is a void in the canine world. So some human is going to have to take Sparky's place. And by "some human", I mean you! [turns Timmy into a white-and-pink poodle]
Timmy: But I don't wanna be a dog!
Jorgen: If you want things back the way they were, you have to convince Sparky to be a dog again. But you only have one week. Otherwise, you will be a dog forever.
Timmy: Well, a week's not so bad.
Jorgen: In dog time, that's one hour.
Timmy: Nooo!
Jorgen: By the way, you look like a cotton candy that poops. [all the fairies disappear]
Mrs. Turner: Hey there, cute little pink dog. What's your name? [reading from Timmy's collar] "Timmy"? What a coincidence. I have a son named Timmy. I've also got a new pet alligator snapping turtle I found in the bathroom. He's kind of a pain in the butt, but I like him. [beat] I'm talking about my son, Timmy. [leaves]
Timmy: This stinks!
Cosmo: Well, your dog nose is super sensitive, Timmy.
Wanda: Timmy, you've gotta convince Sparky to be a dog again!
Timmy: But first I have to find him. [hears a squirrel] Squirrel! [zips offscreen] Bark bark! Bark bark bark bark bark! Bark bark bark! Bark! [outside, a squirrel sees him coming and zips up a tree, and he growls at it] Oh, no! Now I have the sudden urge to drink toilet water and chase my tail! Cosmo, Wanda, quick! Poof us to Sparky! [disappears]
[Cut to the demolition derby, where Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear]
Timmy: There's Sparky! [Sparky is in the stands. Timmy runs down stairs and Doug picks him up] Hey!
Dimmadome: No dogs allowed! [tosses Timmy into the arena. Timmy sees cars approaching and runs away. Doug and the ostrich drive after him]
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, find Sparky! [the fairies poof to Sparky]
Sparky: Oh, hey, guys. Nacho?
Wanda: Sparky, you have to save Timmy from becoming roadkill!
Sparky: Timmy? Where is he? All I see is a car headed toward a dog that looks like cotton candy that poops.
Wanda: That pooping cotton candy is Timmy!
Sparky: What a coincidence. I have a friend named Timmy. Oh, no! it's Timmy! [Timmy screams and stands against a wall, and Doug drives toward him. Sparky shows up in another car and knocks Doug's car into a wall]
Dimmadome: This is why I usually drive standin' up. [Sparky gets out of his car and Timmy jumps into his arms]
Sparky: Timmy, are you okay? And why are you a weird pink dog?
Timmy: You becoming human caused some freaky imbalance in the universe that turned me into a dog!
Sparky: But I like being a dog.
Timmy: Really?
Sparky: Don't get me wrong. I'm totally rocking this human thing, but wearing clothes is so uncomfortable. Also, it's apparently illegal for a human to sniff another human's butt. Especially if the other human is the mayor.
Timmy: This is great, Sparky! Not the "sniffing the butts" thing. That's gross. But that you love being a dog more than being human! [his watch beeps] Oh, no! We only have thirty seconds to unwish the wish or I'll be a dog forever!
Sparky: Just say the word, Timmy.
Timmy: I wish...
Dimmadome: [muzzles Timmy] I said, no dogs allowed! [takes Timmy away]
Wanda: Oh, no! Timmy's gotta make the wish in twenty seconds, or he'll be a dog forever!
Cosmo: Don't worry, Wanda! I know exactly what to do! [poofs up a table]
Wanda: That's not helping!
Cosmo: It's not hurting! [cut to Mr. Turner driving in the derby]
Mr. Turner: Somebody, please tell me how to get to the dry cleaners! Oh, no. There's a dining room table in the road. [turning in Doug's direction] I'll swerve and hit that guy in the cowboy hat instead! [Doug sees him coming and screams. He crashes into Doug and Timmy flies into the air]
Timmy: I wish Sparky was a dog again! [lands in Sparky's arms. The two of them turn back to normal]
Cosmo: We sure turned the tables on that situation. Get it? Now let's get outta here. [turns into a reclining chair]
Wanda: How is that helping?
Cosmo: It's not hurting. [two cars crash into him]Now it's hurting!
[Fade to the house. Timmy and Sparky are tossing a frisbee outside]
Timmy: Glad to have things back to normal, Sparky.
Sparky: Yeah. This is how things should be, Timmy. You as a boy, and me as your magical talking dog.
Wanda: Well, sport, it looks like this wish didn't come back to bite you in the butt after all. [Cosmo appears with Natasha biting down on his buttocks]
Cosmo: Unlike Natasha. All right, sweetie, it's time to go back in your cage. [poofs in the cage. The cage shocks him and Natasha falls to the ground]
Mr. Turner: Ooh! [the fairies disappear] A shiny new alligator snapping turtle! [Natasha growls at him] I can throw this at Dinkleberg! [walks offscreen. Biting sounds are heard] Ow, my thumb!
[Iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
