Odd Ball (transcript)

(Episode begins at the Turners' house)


 * Wanda: A bright sunny day. Perfect for...


 * Cosmo: Playing video games in the dark for 36 straight hours. (Timmy bleeps while playing his V-Cube)


 * Wanda: Uhhh! This happens every time Timmy gets a game for his V-Cube.


 * Cosmo: It's not just any video game, it's the Digi Dunk 3000. You can insert yourself into the game and take it right to the hoop. (Timmy growls, on the V-Cube screen, he grows huge, and eats the players and cackles) (he puts the ball in the hoop)


 * Wanda: Can we play? (Timmy snarls)


 * Cosmo: Ahh! I'll take that snarling and foaming at the mouth as a no.


 * Wanda: I hate to be the poor, oblivious, ignorant, moronic sap who tries to get Timmy to share his game. (Timmy continues to play his game, and Mr. Turner comes into the room)


 * Mr. Turner: Oh, Timmy! (Timmy hides under the bed) Hey! Cool! It's the Digi Dunk 3000! Can I play, can I, can I? (Timmy growls and rips Mr. Turner's clothes off) Ooh, somebody wants to play "Totally Selfish Kid 3000". Well, two can play that game. My couch! (takes the couch and Timmy lands on the floor)


 * Timmy: Well, nothing can separate me from my video game. (the V-Cube blows up due to playing it too long)


 * Cosmo: Except faulty Japanese game parts. (game parts fall on the fishbowl and Mr. Turner comes back in)


 * Mr. Turner: Aw, is your game broken? I'd love to get it fixed, but we need to use my money.


 * Timmy: Don't worry. I'll get it fixed.


 * Mr. Turner: (laughs) How? Since you don't have any money and you can't just wish it fixed, you're out of luck, mister!


 * Timmy: Aw, man! If I just wish it fixed, my dad will suspect something. What the heck am I supposed to do for money?


 * Mr. Turner: It's called a job. (puts Want Ads on the table)


 * Timmy: A what? (Mr. Turner walks away)


 * Mr. Turner: Oh, and it's my table! (takes table away from Timmy)


 * Timmy: I'm 10. I don't know how to use the Want Ads.


 * Wanda: Here's how we make decisions. (poofs up a hitter) Just give it a toss, and whatever you hit, you stick with.


 * Cosmo: That's how I met Wanda.


 * Wanda: And I still got the scar to prove it. (shows scar) (Timmy hits it outside and accidentally injures the Dimmsdale Ball Hogs ball boy)


 * Player: Yow! (Chet Ubetcha appears on TV)


 * Chet Ubetcha: This just in. A Dimmsdale Ball Hogs ball boy has been injured in a bizarre dart incident. If you would like to be the ball boy for the worst basketball team in the league, the job is now up for grabs.


 * Cosmo: Hey! If you can't play your video game then getting a real job on a real basketball team would be the next best thing.


 * Timmy: Yeah! Being the Ball Hog ball boy would have all the excitement and energy of a video basketball game, but for real. I wish I was at the Dimmadome. (Cosmo and Wanda poof him to the Dimmadome) (wolf howls) Wow, my first day on the job.


 * Wanda: You must be really excited.


 * Timmy: Are you kidding? This is going to be... great?


 * Wanda: Hey, it's almost game time.


 * Timmy: Where is everybody?


 * Doug Dimmadome: This is everybody.


 * Timmy: Doug Dimmadome?


 * Doug Dimmadome: That's right. Doug Dimmadome. Real estate tycoon, owner of the Dimmadome, and the last-place Dimmsdale Ball Hogs. (last-place sign falls off)


 * Timmy: But where is the team?


 * Doug Dimmadome: There they are. (shows the team) That's overpriced star player Flash Williams.


 * Flash: My ball.


 * Doug Dimmadome: And my other even more overpriced star player Smooth Daley.


 * Smooth: My ball. (takes ball away from Flash)


 * Flash: Mine! (Flash and Smooth take the ball away from each other)


 * Smooth: Gimme! (He and Flash fight for the ball)


 * Doug Dimmadome: Ha! There're the most selfish players in the league.


 * Timmy: But where's the excitement, the energy, the fans?


 * Doug Dimmadome: What part of "last place" did you not understand? (Smooth and Flash continue to fight for the ball) If they don't get out of last place soon, I'm selling them to the Alaska Basketball League, which is like our league, only a lot colder.


 * Timmy: What?!


 * Doug Dimmadome: Hope you like whale blubber.


 * Chet Ubetcha: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the visitors, the freakishly tall Pittsburgh Earthtrotters.


 * Player: Your ball.


 * Player 2: No, your ball.


 * Player: Your ball.


 * Player 3: Take my car.


 * Player 2: Take my house.


 * Player: Take my dog. Oh, I love you.


 * Chet Ubetcha: And now the home team, your equally freakishly tall and totally selfish last-place Dimmsdale Ball Hogs!


 * Timmy: Yay!


 * Smooth: My ball. (takes ball away)


 * Flash: My ball. (takes ball away from Smooth and they fight for the ball)


 * Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, "Let's get out there and lose again!" (the Earthtrotters shoot the basketball in the hoop while the Ball Hogs sit)


 * Earthtrotters: Yeah! Throw up at ball! (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 00 Visitors 02)


 * Timmy: Come on, you guys. Get in there. We can win!


 * Flash: I'm not giving up my seat. (throws his ball away)


 * Smooth: Me neither. This is my seat. (throws his ball away) (all players throw their balls)


 * Earthtrotters: Let's go again! (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 00 Visitors 04)


 * Timmy: Oh, man! If they don't win, not only I'm not going to get enough money for a new V-Cube, there're going to move to Alaska! There's only one thing to do.


 * Cosmo: Aquire a taste for whale blubber?


 * Timmy: No. Get in there and win one for the V-Cube. I wish I was freakishly huge and talented at basketball. (Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish and Timmy grows) Ow! At least until I make enough money for a new V-Cube, then I never want to be this freakishly huge again.


 * Wanda: Come on, Timmy! Get in there and get in the paint! (scoreboard: Ball Hogs 00 Visitors 160 and timer ticks)


 * Chet Ubetcha: And the Ball Hogs are down 160 points. The Earthtrotters are safely in the lead and not even pretending to be interested. And the Ball Hogs continue to be all about themselves.


 * Smooth: Nah, I'm not singing that deal. I'm singing the deal with the shoe and the sock.\


 * Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, "The fat lady has..."


 * Timmy: Woo-hoo!


 * Chet Ubetcha: Has gotten a new player. (Timmy bounces Cosmo and Wanda)


 * Cosmo and Wanda: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (takes off the Earthtrotters) Ow! (Timmy puts them in the hoop) (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 04 Visitors 160) (Timmy goes past the Earthtrotters and puts Cosmo and Wanda in the hoop again) (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 08 Visitors 160)


 * Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, "Sweet!" (Timmy continues to put Cosmo and Wanda in the hoop) (bell dinging, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 160 Visitors 160) Ten seconds left, all tied up. If the new kid makes this shot, the Ball Hogs will finally win a game. (Earthtrotters panting)


 * Timmy: Piece of cake. (screams, tries to put the ball in the hoop, but misses and goes in the other hoop) (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 160 Visitors 162)


 * Chet Ubetcha: And... the other team wins.


 * Timmy: I don't understand. I suddenly stink! What happened?


 * Wanda: Timmy, everybody knows that the last two minutes are the only real competitive parts of any professional basketball game.


 * Cosmo: And we can't help you win a competition.


 * Timmy: But I can help them. (the Ball Hogs fight for the ball) I have to turn these guys into a winning team.


 * Doug Dimmadome: Or they all are going to Alaska.


 * Timmy: All right. Prepare to share. (cuts to the Ball Hogs' game against the 45ers) (scoreboard: Ball Hogs 84 Visitors 84) (Cosmo screams) (a 45ers player tries to get the ball) Flash, heads up!


 * Flash: Ow! (Cosmo goes in the hoop) (scoreboard: Ball Hogs 86 Visitors 84)


 * Chet Ubetcha: Ball Hogs win! Ball Hogs win! Ball Hogs win!


 * Flash: Hey! I...I scored! And you helped?


 * Timmy: That's what teammates do. (newspaper from Dimmsdale Times show Ball Hogs win by a nose) (cuts to their next game) (Wanda screams)


 * Smooth: Ow! (Wanda goes in the hoop)


 * Chet Ubetcha: Ball Hogs win!


 * Man: Ooh, Ball Hogs, look! I'm a wave of one!


 * Smooth: What's that noise?


 * Timmy: It's cheering. You have a fan now. (newspaper from Dimmsdale Times show come from behind win) (cuts to their next game) (scoreboard: Ball Hogs 98 Visitors 98) Guys, heads up!


 * Cosmo: Ow! Ow! Swish! (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 100 Visitors 98) (crowd cheers) (newspaper from Dimmsdale Times show Ball Hogs stay ahead) (Timmy shoots Smooth in the hoop at their next game) (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 102 Visitors 100)


 * Chet Ubetcha: Ball Hogs win again! (the Ball Hogs pass the ball to each other and Smooth puts it in the hoop) (bell dinging, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 112 Visitors 108) Ball Hogs win...and win...and win. (falls off the chair) (newspaper shows Ball Hogs headed for championship)


 * Crowd: Ball Hogs! Ball Hogs!


 * Timmy: Oof!


 * Doug Dimmadome: Wow! Your growth spurt may keep the Ball Hogs in Dimmsdale.


 * Timmy: Uhh!


 * Doug Dimmadome: And as a way of saying thanks...


 * Timmy: Uhh!


 * Doug Dimmadome: And to get you motivated for tonight's big game...


 * Timmy: Uhh!


 * Doug Dimmadome: I'm going to give you...uh, what's the word I'm looking for?


 * Timmy: My pay?


 * Doug Dimmadome: Dah! Uhh, it's too painful. (takes out a check) Just take it. Can I have a second to say "good bye"? Good bye, money.


 * Timmy: Wow, this is just enough money to buy a V-Cube. (shrinks down to his normal size)


 * Doug Dimmadome: Ah, well. Pack the parkas, kids.


 * Timmy: Hey, what gives?


 * Wanda: Well, you just wanted to play until you got the money for your V-Cube, remember?


 * Timmy: You got to make me freakishly huge again. Tonight's the big game.


 * Cosmo: Uh, Timmy, we can't. Remember? (turns into Timmy) "I wish I was freakishly huge and talented a basketball. Ow! At least until I make enough for a new V-Cube. Then I never want to be this freakishly huge again." (turns back into himself)


 * Timmy: I have got to be less specific with these wishes.


 * Wanda: Well, all we can hope for is that your lessons in sharing will spur the Ball Hogs on to victory.


 * Cosmo: And if not, who wants to try my blubber nuggets? (chews one) Mmm! They're chewy! (cuts to the championship game) (scoreboard: Ball Hogs 60 Visitors 90)


 * Chet Ubetcha: And with the new kid gone, it would be a miracle for the Ball Hogs to win the championship.


 * Doug Dimmadome: Well, boys, bad news is, we're going to lose. Good news is, I bought you all snowshoes.


 * Flash: This is your fault.


 * Smooth: No, it's your fault.


 * Timmy: Guys, snap out of it. You don't need to share the blame when you can share the glory. If you play together as a team, you can still win. If you don't, you're going to freeze your butts off in Alaska.


 * Both: Let's do it! (referee blows his whistle and Timmy bounces Cosmo)


 * Cosmo: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Timmy goes through the players)


 * Player: Where do you think you're going, little man?


 * Timmy: I'm not going anywhere. He is.


 * Flash: It's my ball...to share!


 * Cosmo: Yay! Yeah! (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 98 Visitors 99) Ow! Ow! Ouch! (screams) Awoo!


 * Chet Ubetcha: Smooth shoots the ball. (timer ticks) Flash shoots the kid! (Timmy puts the ball in the hoop) (bell dings, scoreboard: Ball Hogs 100 Visitors 99) (crowd cheers) Ball Hogs win the championship! What are you going to do next?


 * All: We're not going to Alaska!


 * Doug Dimmadome: What am I supposed to do with all these blubber nuggets? (takes one and chews it) Hey, they're chewy! (cuts to the Turners' house with Timmy showing Mr. Turner the new V-Cube)


 * Mr. Turner: Hey! Nice new V-Cube! I mean, (angrily) nice new V-Cube! Is it yours?


 * Timmy: Nope, it's yours. (Mr. Turner cries)


 * Wanda: Aw, Timmy learned to share.


 * Cosmo: And speaking of sharing, how about some blubber nuggets?


 * Timmy: I'm sorry I was such a selfish jerk, Dad. Can you ever forgive me?


 * Mr. Turner: I...I...I don't know what to say, son, except... mine! But you can have the sofa. (drops the sofa on Timmy)


 * Man: Tonight's game was brought to you by Farmer Ahab's blubber nuggets. (chews one) Mmm! They're chewy!