Information Stupor Highway (transcript)

Script
(The episode starts in Timmy's room where Timmy is writing an e-mail to Trixie) (A.J. gasps, and proceed to press the Cloaking button, hiding all lab equipment. Meanwhile, Timmy escapes back into the Internet) (Back in Timmy's room)
 * Timmy: (reads aloud while typing) Dear Trixie Tang, instead of going to the big school dance with somebody handsome and popular, how about going with me? - Timmy Turner, the least popular and handsome guy you know. Think of how you would look good next to me in comparison. (Turns to Cosmo and Wanda) Well, what do you guys think?
 * Cosmo and Wanda: (laughs)
 * Timmy: Aww man, no matter how hard I try, I can't write a good letter!
 * Cosmo: Well, forget the mushy stuff! Try a threat! (pushes Timmy away)
 * Timmy: What?
 * Cosmo: Watch. (Types) Dear Trixie, we have your parents. If you ever want to see them again...
 * Mr. Turner: Timmy! (Is about to open the door)
 * Timmy: My parents! Activate fish mode! (Cosmo and Wanda returns to the fishbowl)
 * Mrs. Turner: Hi sweetie, what are you doing?
 * Mr. Turner: Hey, you are writing a threatening love note. That's how I met your mom.
 * Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: If you ever want to see your parents again... Hahaha!!
 * Mr. Turner: You know, I never did get that ransom.
 * Timmy: It's not a love note. I'm trying to invite a girl to a dance.
 * Mrs. Turner: But you've got to let her know it in a sweet, romantic, nice way.
 * Mr. Turner: That's modernly threatening.
 * Mrs. Turner: If there is one thing girls love more than being told they're pretty, it's being told they're prettier than other girls.
 * Mr. Turner: Well, then mention her hair, it's so much shinier than yours, honey.
 * Mrs. Turner: And your hair, which is so much shinier than my mom's. (Timmy attempts to plug off)
 * Mr. Turner: And her eyes, honey, tell her that her eyes resonate with a depth of intelligence that greatly surpasses yours!
 * Mrs. Turner: And your eyes, shining, intelligent deep and limpid pools of shining love light. Gooey gooey gooey lovely goo.
 * Timmy: But... but...but... I wouldn't say any of that mushy gunk.
 * Mr. Turner: And that's why you don't have a date.
 * Mrs. Turner: Hmm, this is still missing something.
 * Mr. Turner: The threatening part that'll make her say yes. (Types) Say yes and I promise the safe return of your parents.
 * Mrs. Turner: Well, our work here is done. Let's leave Timmy alone so I can talk to you more about my not-so-limpid eyes and my not-so shiny hair.
 * Mr. Turner: Ok... uh... I'm in trouble, aren't I?
 * Mrs. Turner: (Pulls Mr. Turner's ear) Let's go.
 * Wanda: Wow! That's the most beautiful, romantic, and slightly threatening e-mail I've ever read.
 * Cosmo: It's threatening and romantic. It's threat-mantic!
 * Timmy: And horrifyingly embarrassing.
 * Wanda: But Timmy, I thought you really felt that way about Trixie.
 * Timmy: Actually, my love for her burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. But I can't tell her that.
 * Mr. Turner: (breaks the door with a ram) But I can! Thanks to my parental battering ram. It's the latest thing in tough love parenting. (Types) Burns with white hot intensity of a thousand suns, SEND. (Presses Enter button)
 * Internet: Message sent.
 * Timmy: Hey, why did you do that?!
 * Mr. Turner: If I have to be miserable because of your letter, so do you.
 * Mrs. Turner: (Pulls Mr. Turner's ear) Get back here!
 * Mr. Turner: Still in trouble, gotta go!
 * Timmy: Argh! Dad sent my threatening e-mail. I wish the e-mail was back. Make it come back!
 * Cosmo and Wanda: (wish fails) We can't get it back.
 * Timmy: Why not?
 * Wanda: It's a love letter, and our magic can't interfere with true love.
 * Timmy: If you guys can't bring it back, there's only one thing to do. I wish I was inside the Internet! (transforms into an avatar)
 * Wanda: You want us to come with you?
 * Timmy: And leave the computer vulnerable so my dad can send more stupid letters that you can't help me with? No way. I wish you guys would stay here and guard this computer no matter what. Got it?
 * Cosmo: Got it! (waves wands)
 * Timmy: Did you really need to wave your wands for that one?
 * Cosmo and Wanda: Uhh... no...
 * Timmy: Now attach me to an e-mail. (Pasted onto a virtual envelope) Let's get digital.
 * Internet: Your message has been sent.
 * Timmy: (Enters the web) Cool! I'm surfing the web, literally! (Sees another envelope) There it is, my e-mail! (Chases after the envelope) Closer... closer... gotcha! Whoa, whoa... wait!!! (Transported to A.J.'s computer)
 * Internet: You got mail!
 * Timmy: Oh no you don't. All I have to do is to delete this thing. (Attempts to leap into the bin but hits his head against the bin and drops the envelope, which turned out to be for A.J., Timmy reads the letter aloud) Dear A.J., thank you for allowing us to scrape some of your brain cells for our cloning program. Stay smart! Your friend, the President. Wait a minute, this is a letter for A.J. I'm in A.J.'s room! Aww man, I must have followed the wrong letter!
 * A.J.: (communicating with a man in a large screen) So doctor, if you attempt to, it will plant seeds while orbiting the Earth, thus ending world hunger.
 * Man: That's brilliant, A.J.! NASA thanks you and the world thanks you.
 * A.J.: And?
 * Man: And the money has been placed in your account.
 * A.J.: (turns off screen) Well, time to check my e-mail. Hey! Something opened my letter from the President. (Spots an avatar on screen) Is that a computer virus?
 * Timmy: I gotta get out of here.
 * A.J.'s Mom: (knocks the door) A.J.!
 * A.J.'s Mom: (after knocking again) A.J.! I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother by coming in anyway! (smashes down door and looks around the room with A.J. sweating nervously) Honey, you really should think about redecorating.
 * Timmy: Wahoo! Wow, at cyberspeed, I can use the World Wide Web to be anywhere in the world in a blink of an eye! (Transported into another computer) Wow, I'm in Australia!
 * Girl in a kangaroo pouch: Crikey! Is that a computer virus? (throws a boomerang at the screen)
 * Timmy: (Hops to another computer) I'm in the heart of Africa!
 * Bruce: Lyel! Kevin! A computer virus!
 * Kevin: Good heavens, Bruce! The humans must have discovered our secret society of super-intelligent gorillas!
 * Lyel: Well, if it's so secret, how did they discover it?
 * Bruce: You know, Lyel, he's got a point.
 * Kevin: Oh, get off my back, Bruce!
 * Timmy: (Hops to another computer) Chinese letters. Technology is amazing. I'm as far away from home as physically impossible, and I got here in a millisecond. (Turns out to be a Chinese restaurant near Timmy's house)
 * Mr. Turner: Golly. Good thing this Chinese restaurant is only three steps away from my house.
 * Cashier: That'll be $7.95. Your fortune cookie.
 * Mr. Turner: (Opens fortune cookie) Confucius say, "You will use a battering ram to violate your son's privacy". Well, OK, I don't want to make Confucius a liar.
 * Mr. Turner: (knocks door) Oh, Timmy!
 * Cosmo: Oh no, it's Timmy's dad's eye!
 * Mr. Turner: I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway! (smashes the door)