Mr. Right! (transcript)

(Episode begins at the Dimmsdale Elementary School when the bell is ringing)


 * Denzel Crocker: Class, today's Art Appreciation Day. Here's the art. (shows an art picture) Now appreciate it! (Timmy falls off his chair) Any one of you winners want to tell us what the painting means?


 * Cosmo: Wow. From the size of that fork, I think it means that guy was hun-nnnn-gry!


 * Denzel Crocker: Come, now. Don't be shy. There are no wrong answers.


 * Timmy: It's a statement about the solidarity and pride of the American family?


 * Denzel Crocker: (pops up of the picture) Except that one! That one's wrong! (shows Timmy another art picture) So, here's a new piece of art to appreciate called "The Scream".


 * Timmy: Why is he screaming!


 * Denzel Crocker: Because he was wrong! (shows his F on his desk) And he got an F! Like you! (puts an F on Timmy's head) (he and the kids laugh at him)


 * Francis: Hey, Turner. Some kid I was wailing on told me about your F, so I'm here to add injury to insult.


 * Timmy: I think the phrase is "Add insult to injury".


 * Francis: Not the way I do it. Guess what I have behind my back? Come, now. Don't be shy. There are no wrong answers.


 * Timmy: Is it a puppy?


 * Francis: Oh, so close. But alas, wrong! It's a fist! (punches Timmy into the same locker that Melvin's in)


 * Timmy: Hi, Melvin.


 * Melvin: Hi, Timmy. (Francis locks up the locker) (cuts to Timmy walking home)


 * Timmy: So nice to be home. Where I'm safe, sound, and right.


 * Vicky: Wrong! (takes Timmy in, slams the door and puts him on the floor)


 * Timmy: Ugh! What!?


 * Vicky: Just practicing my response when I ask you this riddle. What's black and white and red all over?


 * Timmy: I know this one. A newspaper? A sunburn skunk? A penguin with a rash?


 * Vicky: Wrong! It's your comic book collection! I'm using it to roast marshmallows! (laughs)


 * Chorus: There goes the Crimson Chin (cream spills on the book)


 * Timmy: (screams) (cuts to his bedroom) Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!


 * Wanda: Oh, Timmy. Relax. Everybody's wrong sometimes.


 * Cosmo: Yeah. Except you, Timmy. You're wrong all the time! But if you weren't, we wouldn't be eating these delicious "Crimson Chin" roasted marshmallows. (eats it) Mmm! Pulpy!


 * Timmy: Well, I'm tired of being wrong. From now on, when I talk to people, I wish I was always right!


 * Cosmo: You got it, Timmy! (he and Wanda grant the wish, but Timmy is covered in cream) Oh, sorry. That was wrong. (eats the cream) (cuts to the next morning in the kitchen)


 * Timmy: Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.


 * Mrs. Turner: Good morning, Timmy. Guess what you're having for breakfast.


 * Mr. Turner: I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with mold mereal.


 * Timmy: Let me guess, waffles?


 * Mrs. Turner: Uh...right! Waffles!


 * Timmy: That's right? That's right! I'm right! (eats the waffles)


 * Mr. Turner: Hey! Why do I have to eat mold mereal and he's having maffles? (Mrs. Turner pours the cereal down on him) Ooh, a prize! (cuts to Timmy getting on the bus) (he walks to the popular kid section but is denied by a bouncer)


 * Timmy: Ugh!


 * Bouncer: You're in the wrong section.


 * Timmy: Really? I thought I was in the right section.


 * Bouncer: Hey, thought right. (pulls the rope) You are in the right section.


 * Chad: Uh, who let the dweeb back in here?


 * Timmy: I amm not a dweeb. You are.


 * Tad: Hey, dude. What happened?


 * Chad: I feel all dweebish.


 * Bouncer: Hey, he's right. You're in the wrong section. (throws Tad and Chad next to Elmer)


 * Elmer: Hey, dweebs. The boil doesn't like to be touched! (kicks them off)


 * Timmy: Oh, my gosh! When I wished to always be right, your magic made it so I can never be wrong! If I say something, it's automatically true! (jumps into the pool) Waffle, my dear? (cuts to the school) Oh, Francis!


 * Francis: Turner? (Melvin gives Francis the book) Hmm, I don't have you scheduled for a beating today, but I guess I can work you in.


 * Timmy: Do you want to play the "Guess What's Behind my Back" game?


 * Francis: Okay. What do I have behind my back?


 * Timmy: Uh...a poisonous scorpion?


 * Francis: Wrong! A... Ahh! You're right. It is a scorpion! (scorpion goes off his hand) Aah! That's my bullying hand!


 * Timmy: Always being right is all right.


 * Melvin: Right, Timmy.


 * Wanda: Hi, Timmy. I guess you're done with being right all the time.


 * Timmy: Wrong!


 * Cosmo: Right!


 * Wanda: Because by now you've probably figured out that there are risks to changing reality.


 * Timmy: Wrong!


 * Cosmo: Right!


 * Denzel Crocker: Turner, perhaps you'd like to stop mumbling into your book long enough to tell the class how many stars are there on the American flag.


 * Timmy: Uh......49?


 * Denzel Crocker: Wrong, again!


 * Announcer: Attention, students. Wonderful news! North and South Dakota have finally settled their differences and have agreed to become one big Dakota! Wahoo! Which means now we only have 49 states. (one of the stars fall off onto the paper)


 * Denzel Crocker: Wait a second. It's bad enough Turner had answered a question right. There's only one way the Dakotas could have settled their differences without fighting. FAIRY GODPARENTS!


 * Timmy: Excuse me?


 * Denzel Crocker: Admit it, you have FAIRY GODPARENTS!


 * Timmy: No, I don't! I don't have fairy godparents. (Cosmo and Wanda gasp and disappear)


 * Denzel Crocker: You're right! Of course.


 * Timmy: You're darn right I'm right. Oh, no! What have I done? I got to get out of here.


 * Denzel Crocker: Oh, no. You don't. School isn't over yet.


 * Timmy: Maybe the wish is still working. Yes, it is. We get to leave early today! (the bell rings and the students leave)


 * Denzel Crocker: Hmm, you're right. HAVE A NICE DAY!


 * Timmy: Darn it. Because I'm always right and I said I didn't have fairy godparents, they went away. Wait a minute. If I told somebody I had fairy godparents, they had to come back because I'm always right. But I have to tell somebody that wouldn't really listen to me. Hello, Vicky!


 * Vicky: Hey, Twerp! Did you know that the really old rare comic books burn twice as hot?


 * Timmy: Perfect. Then you'll probably will be so busy cooking, you won't pay attention to me when I tell you that...


 * Vicky: Not pay attention? Au contraire. (records a film) I'm making a short film called "Twerp" so I can record your pain for future generations. And action. (clicks the film)


 * Timmy: Ugh, never mind. Oh, and by the way, those aren't my comic books you're burning. It's your life savings. (comic books turn into Vicky's savings) (Vicky screams and cries)


 * Creator: This'll make a great short film.


 * Timmy: Time for Plan B. (cuts to A.J.'s house and he rings his bell) A.J.'s so smart. There's no way he would listen to my inferior intellect. (A.J. transports him into his house)


 * A.J.: Ordinarily, I wouldn't pay attention to your inferior intellect. But with you being right about the Dakotas and being right about school ending early, I can't take any chances. Speak slowly and clearly. I'm recording this for future generations.


 * Timmy: Time for Plan C. (screams) I got to find someone I can tell my secret to. Elmer? No.


 * Chet Ubetcha: I'm Chet Ubetcha asking people on the street to tell me their innermost secrets.


 * Timmy: News media? No. (bumps into Francis) Ugh!


 * Francis: I've been waiting for you, Turner.


 * Timmy: Not now, Francis!


 * Francis: We didn't finish our game. What do I have behind my back? And don't say scorpion, because I checked.


 * Timmy: Okay, wasps nest?


 * Francis: No way. It's a...whoa! Wasps nest! (the wasps nest covered him and the bees sting him) Ahh, my other bullying hand! (bees continue to sting him) I can't see! I can't see!


 * Timmy: You can't?


 * Francis: No.


 * Timmy: And you got stung in the ears, too, didn't you?


 * Francis: No. (the bees sting him in the ears) I mean, yes! Now I can't hear. If someone told me a secret right now, there's no way I would even hear it.


 * Timmy: Then you won't understand if I say the completely correct statement, "I have fairy godparents!".


 * Francis: What? (Cosmo and Wanda return)


 * Timmy: Yahoo! I was right! You're back!


 * Francis: Who's back? There's nothing behind my back.


 * Timmy: Except a professional wrestler. (the wrestler punches him and Francis groans)


 * Wrestler: Who's the man?


 * Timmy: Not you.


 * Wrestler: You're right.


 * Wanda: Timmy, you should unwish the wish.


 * Cosmo: Before you get anything else wrong.


 * Francis: Who's there with you. I hear voices, and there're not the ones I usually hear!


 * Timmy: Uh...nobody. Nobody's here. (Cosmo and Wanda disappear again) Except my fairy godparents! Phew! I wish I wasn't always right!


 * Francis: So do I. (cries) (the wasps nest covers him)


 * Wanda: You got it. (she and Cosmo grant the wish)


 * Timmy: Did it work? Can I be wrong again?


 * Cosmo: There's only one way to find out. (cuts into a tall building) Pick a wire! Pick a wire!


 * Timmy: Are you sure this is the only way to find out I can be wrong?


 * Cosmo: Oh, all right. Do it the old-fashioned way. (cuts to the Turners' house)


 * Francis: (knocks on the door) Oh, Turner. We have some unfinished business. Guess what I have in my hand today?


 * Timmy: Uh...the gift of friendship?


 * Francis: So close, but wrong. It's scorpions, a wasps nest, and my girlfriend, Nancy the Wrestler.


 * Timmy: Cool! I mean, ow! (Francis punches him)


 * Wanda: Wow, he sure can take a punch, and wasps stings.


 * Cosmo: And an atomic pile driver.


 * Wanda: That's just wrong.


 * Cosmo: That's right!


 * Wrestler: Who's the man?